Our Tooth Fairy Tale

 

When my son was six years old, he lost his very first tooth. He was so excited that his tooth finally came off after so long. He carefully put the tooth in a Ziploc bag and placed it under his pillow when he went to bed that night.

I waited for a few hours to make sure that the boy was deep in sleep. Then my wife and I sneaked in. Then I searched for the Ziploc bag under his pillow. Then I placed a dollar bill there. My son was still sound asleep. Mission accomplished. We could not breathe.

The next morning, my son excitedly showed us his one dollar bill from the tooth fairy. “The tooth fairy must be very tiny!”, he said. “She left me one dollar and I could not tell!”

My son also bragged about it at school. Then his classmate Boden said:

- That’s nothing! My sister got TEN dollars for her tooth!

A Father's Dismay

 

In the movie A Christmas Story, a little boy named Ralphie was helping his father fixing a car tire when he dropped the nuts he was holding. In a panic, he blurted out: “Oh, sh*t!”, much to his already-grumpy father’s dismay.

Unlike Ralphie’s father who used swearwords often, I rarely applied foul language in my daily speech. Nonetheless, I feared of one day when my son, Spidey, would muster something like Ralphie did. I wouldn’t know what to do.

Then something happened. I was at my desk working at home and Spidey was playing with his Transformers toys on the floor nearby. Spidey liked to talk to himself while playing, pretending that his robots were interacting verbally. Suddenly, I noticed that Spidey was shouting “Dammit! Dammit!”

“Oh great”, I thought to myself, “so the day has come.” Did he learn that from me? Did he learn that from his friends at school? At church? From TV? More importantly, what am I supposed to explain to him now? Parenting is hard. I had a quick prayer to God that I would say the right thing.

“Spidey,” I turned to him and asked, “What did you just say?”

My son looked at me quite innocently and said: “Dimetrodon. This guy is transforming. He’s turning into a dimetrodon. DIMEtrodon!”

He was shouting dimetrodon.

Đường Của Tôi

 

Hẹn một ngày thời cấp Hai nông nổi
Bỏ ngây thơ, tôi góp mặt cho đời
Đây là lúc mải chơi game, không học
Tôi phó mặc, kệ thứ hạng hư không.

Bạn Đường à, sao ngồi bên tôi vậy?
Sao nói chuyện luyến thoắng mãi không thôi?
Làm kiểm tra sao bạn che tay lại?
Tại sao bạn chạm ngỡ ngàng tim tôi?

Và tôi chợt nhận ra đời quá đẹp
Thơ: nắng đọng; câu hát: sự ru êm
Nhận ra đời dành cho ta hy vọng
Nhận ra lòng tự nhiên chọn yêu em.

Lễ tốt nghiệp trong một chiều mưa rơi
Nỗi niềm kia mặc nhiên chưa nói được
Đường của tôi không cùng tôi chung bước
Mảnh chân tình không trọn vẹn, buông lơi.

Ngày hối hả, bao ngả cuộc đời trôi
Đường gặp tôi, rồi thôi, câu giã biệt
Giã biệt đường đi tôi mải miết
Bởi mưa chiều nay đã tạnh, em ơi!

My Grey Hound "Tragedy"

I saw waiting at the bus stop in Lawrence, KS, for a Grey Hound bus to get back to OKC to my dear wife. It had taken me 30 minutes to find this “bus stop” because “707 Vermont st.” was NOT a bus station: it was Lawrence Public Library. The place for the buses to stop was across the street from the library where we could see the bus stop signs and the benches for people to sit and wait. The Grey Hound bus was supposed to arrive at 2 PM, but it was delayed until 3:30. So I sat there and waited. I would have no problem waiting for a couple hours: I had my Kindle Fire, my sketch book, and my bottle of water. Little did I know, it wasn’t gonna be just “a couple hours”.

(Some sketches I made while waiting for the bus.)

The GH bus kept being delayed. Every time I checked their website, the expected arrival time would go a bit further out. So I waited and waited. Eventually, I got bored of reading and sketching people walking by. I wanted the wait to be over with.

The bus finally left Kansas City at 5 PM instead of at 1 PM like scheduled, and it would get to Lawrence at 5:40. I was filled with joy. I would finally get to go home!

At 5:40, at lot of buses came to the stop, but none of them were Grey Hound. I tried to make sure I wasn’t missing it because of the other buses blocking my view.

And then I saw the Grey Hound bus, not stopping but driving by. Not driving by Vermont street but the street intersecting with it. And it never turned around to stop at the bus stop. Puzzled, I asked a bus driver of one of the city buses, and he said that the GH buses didn’t stop there. They stopped at another spot around the corner. In another word, the bus didn’t stop at its street address; it stopped at a spot which was hidden from the actual address where the other bus stops were located. After four hours of waiting, I had now missed it.

The sad feeling was too much. There wouldn’t be another bus until the next morning. Lawrence to OKC was about a 5-hour drive. Using a cab would cost me $500 – 600. My wife wanted to come pick me up, and she was 7-month pregnant. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. Having a self-victimized-worthy life, I couldn’t help but felt so sorry for myself. I wanted to cry though no tears came out. I turned to God and shouted,

“Oh God! Why?!”

“Will you please help me?!”

“But of course you won’t. I can’t expect the GH bus to miraculously come back. Of course you won’t.”

Atheists believe that things happen because they simply do, by chances and without meanings or purposes. As a non-atheist, I tend to do the opposite: to expect a reason or a goal to all occurrences. Because God knows a lot more than me. Because He knows what’s best.

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” - C.S. Lewis.

I needed to calm down and think. If this misfortune was somehow purposefully the “best”, what was I to think and to do in this situation? Then I remember this quote:

“One of the best questions you can ask when something negative happens is this: ‘What does this experience make possible?’” – Hyatt & Harkavy, Living Forward, p. 513.

Here are some of the things I could think of:

- My wife really wanted to come pick me up. If she started at 7 PM, she would get to me at midnight, and we would be back in OKC around 5 AM. That would not be a good idea. Not talking about the $12 toll fee for each direction, the gas, the damage to our car for driving 10 hours straight. If anything went wrong with my wife and her 7-month pregnancy, that would be the absolute worst, the point of no return, something to never recover from. Therefore, even though this was what we were impulsive to do the most, it was actually the one path we ought not take.

- I personally knew of someone who had cancer and had several years left. But while everyone around him was sorrowful and hopeless, he stayed strong and comforted people, telling them that God was going to take care of everything. Someone who had many years of life taken from him could still have peace and courage; what was I being depressed for when I has merely a day wasted?

- My estranged brother was in Lawrence. I could ask to stay with him for the night and take the morning bus the next day. It would be a rare opportunity to spend time with him. I would have to buy another ticket but so what? $77 was nothing if I took into account the toll fees, the gas money, and having to drive our car for 10 hours straight. This was clearly the best option among all.

I no longer felt sad. A cool wind blew by and I was comforted. I realized that God had started helping me for this event the day He gave me my wife who had been with me on the phone this whole time. He helped me to not be in OKC at midnight were I to not miss the bus. He provided me an opportunity to be with my little brother for an evening. He gave me the ability to go through this event not just unscathed but stronger and braver. He just did not help me by doing the particular thing I came up with using my limited mind (turning the bus around). God had started helping me long before I ever thought of going to Lawrence, and His help was abundant. My hatred toward Grey Hound was replaced with content and thankfulness.

My brother was surprised and happy to have me with him for the night. He made me breakfast and prepared me a jelly and peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I had a restful sleep and woke up at 5 AM like a champ. The morning bus arrived on time, and this time I knew exactly where to expect it.

And this was the end of the story. Here are some lessons I learned/was reminded of:

- Calmly assess the situation. It’s already not good but we don’t want to make it worse. And we have the tendency to jump to the worst decision and make it more disastrous.

- We tend to picture how God could help us and feel so disappointed He doesn’t do that exact thing. This kind of expectation would prevent us from comprehending His true help. It’s pretty much the best way to generate doubts and resentments toward God.

- Broadening the vision can help. Adjusting our perspective to a larger scale. Often in the grand scheme of things, this particular setback is puny and insignificant.

- Misfortunes can be, or can be made into, fortunes in disguise. I now have a good story to tell, don’t I?

Chuyện Tôi Thời Trẻ (P. 3) - Chuyện Lan Thanh

Dạo này tự nhiên tôi nhớ về thời học cấp Hai.

Là thằng con trai sinh cuối năm cho nên tôi biết yêu trễ hơn người khác. Lớp Bốn thì các bạn nữ đã bắt đầu thích mình, đến lớp Năm thì các bạn nam đã đã bắt đầu thích các bạn nữ mà thích mình ấy. Riêng tôi vẫn chưa thích ai, vẫn còn nhìn mọi người với một tấm lòng trong sáng.

Lên lớp Sáu thì trong lớp có một bạn nữ nhỏ nhắn dễ thương được con trai cả lớp thích cho nên tôi cũng… hùa theo đám đông mà bắt chước thích theo. Tạm gọi bạn là Tiểu Tống. Thế là lớp Sáu tôi suốt ngày thổ lộ tình cảm của tôi về Tiểu Tống cho cô bạn ngồi bên cạnh là Đại Đường nghe. Một thời gian sau cô giáo chuyển Đại Đường đi ngồi chỗ khác thì tôi lại nhận ra mình thích Đại Đường vô cùng, thích hết một thời học cấp Hai dai dẳng. Nhưng đây không phải là câu chuyện về Đại Đường hay Tiểu Tống. Đây là chuyện về Lan Thanh.

Lan Thanh và tôi ngồi cạnh nhau trong lớp tiếng Anh của cô Hoa Kỳ. Cô Hoa Kỳ dạy thì hay, Lan Thanh thì xinh, tôi thì đôi khi học giỏi… nhất lớp nên khoảng thời gian ấy trôi qua đẹp như một giấc mơ. Tôi không biết tôi học cách yêu từ ai, nhưng tôi yêu say đắm một cách lạnh lùng. Say đắm là vì lòng tôi chẳng còn ai khác, tâm trí tôi là một tương lai lãng mạn, đẹp đẽ cùng em. Còn lạnh lùng là vì tôi… thà chết chứ không nói ra bao giờ. Ngày 8 tháng 3 năm lớp 6, tôi mua hai cái thiệp, một cái cho mẹ còn cái kia cho Lan Thanh. Mượn cả chục cái bút bi màu của Tiểu Tống tôi nắn nót viết:

Lan Thanh,
I love you very much!

Viết có nhiêu đó câu mà lòng tôi rụng cả trăm lần.

Buổi tối đến lớp của cô Hoa Kỳ cũng là nhà của cổ. Tôi bước đến ngồi cạnh Lan Thanh; cái thiệp kia thì nằm trong cặp. Tôi mở cặp ra và nhìn tấm thiệp. Tôi cầm lên đưa cho Lan Thanh. Lan Thanh ngạc nhiên, đọc và mỉm cười. Thế là từ đó chúng tôi quen nhau, và 20 năm sau thì lấy nhau.

Và đó là câu chuyện của sự tưởng tượng. Sự thật thì là tôi đã bỏ tấm thiệp đó lại vào cặp, rút tấm thiệp còn lại ra đi vào trong bếp, viết vội mấy chữ “Chúc mừng 8-3 vui vẻ” rồi mang ra đưa cho Lan Thanh. Lan Thanh đọc và nói khẽ:

- Trời, tưởng gì…!

Một đặc điểm khác trong cách yêu “lạnh lùng + say đắm” của tôi lúc ấy là khi nghe em nói em đã có bạn trai thì thì tôi quyết định không thích em nữa ngay lập tức. Chắc là theo kiểu “I love you enough to let you go” hay gì gì đó.

Gần 20 năm sau tôi gặp lại Lan Thanh trên Facebook thần thánh. Kí ức năm xưa tràn về mà nay trở nên hai người xa lạ. Có biết là trong một thế giới khác, ta đã lấy nhau rồi không?

Nobody

I am no longer the same.

I no longer write I don’t know why. I keep them in my head and afraid to share. When I put down some words they no longer seem connected. I remember how I could just pour out my feelings and thoughts onto a piece of paper and feel relieved. Is it some kind of brain muscle that I have deteriorated?  It certainly makes me feel mentally constipated.

Or is it because I have become more heartless? I would read about some disaster here and there and wouldn’t think much. Maybe I have reached that age of desensitization: to know just enough to accept the unacceptable as norms. I try to write a poem: it sounds as interesting as some ear wax. Who in the world is going to read that?

Without anything more entertaining to offer, here I am bullpooping for no inherent purposes. Because I miss my readers, and I miss that one time when I could be so much more passionate and interesting.

“I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?” - E.D.

Going to College Sucks!

(a picture of myself in my dorm room. Taken in my Freshman year, 2007)

College sucks! I wish that no one ever went to college ever.

There was VSO – the Vietnamese Student Organization that I helped created. The people who shared the same first language, my brethren. They always tried to gather and spend good time to fill the holes caused by the away-from-home emptiness. And I hardly joined. Now I wish I had.

There was that girl I met in my Micro Economics class – the one class that I felt I was a super genius who waltzed through the materials while the rest of the class struggled. When we were about done with the class, I finally had gathered enough courage and told her that she looked extremely pretty and good luck on the final. She told me it was very nice of me, and that she was about to transfer to another school far away.

There was a group of International students from South Korea one of which was my roommate. They were so nice they inspired me to learn Korean so that one day I could visit Korea and impress them with my fluency. But it was 4 years ago, and I don’t know how many more years will I be able to do that, and if I can, will anyone in South Korea still care or be excited?

And there was the South Todd people, and the CCH group too. I was always busy trying to take maximum amount of classes and some part-time jobs and finishing up college quickly that I never hung out with them. I graduated in 3.5 years, and already I spent 4 years afterwards in regrets.

The day I graduated, I walked away with a bunch of people that I would miss for the rest of my life that otherwise I would never have known. The feeling kills me for days and months and years that I become a dark-skin emo. What’s up with all of this – meeting many people who would walk away from my life for good: what’s the purpose? Is it so that I could learn to become a better person and be hurt?

I look though the pictures taken with some friends and they make me want to cry. I want to go on Facebook and talk to them, asking them how they are doing and that I miss them so very much. But I cannot. Who still remembers me and wants to talk? What are we gonna say beyond “How have you been?” and “I am well”? And more importantly, what’s the point of doing all this to then simply stop and lose it once again?

How cruel of humanity to come up with such thing as college. How foolish of me to go to graduate school to start that all over again (and get hurt all over).

You know what’s so nice about my Christian faith? It allows me to hope for a possibility of eternal gathering, that I can be with everyone forever.

24 Hours Without the Internet

Right now I am in the process of relocation, and there was a 24-hour gap between checking out of Motel 6 and having a guy from Cox coming over to install the Internet in my new apartment. (The Motel 6 in Oklahoma City has fantastic and free Internet, by the way; it’s far superior to the one in San Jose whose paid Internet service is painfully crappy.) Not having Internet access this long was a challenge to me no doubt, but Challenge Accepted!!!

When facing some hardship, of course the first thing to do is to lament about it. So I stared at my laptop screen and realized how sad Life was without the Internet. More than half of the icons are Internet-based programs. I could care less of what people said on Facebook for 24 hours, but giving up Internet entirely was not fun. I needed to read the news and check emails; I wanted to look at YouTube; I wanted to play video games. They all required Internet connections. Oh how about going out to explore the new city? Let me see what places they have on Google Map… oh wait.

So I read the Bible my today’s portion. I was following the Bible reading plan I found (previously!) online of going through the whole Bible in a year. The first 3 chapters in the book of Ezra were fine, just a lot of names but I’m sure they’re important. Then I jumped to James and read about how humility was important. Being humble is such a tricky topic and maybe I’ll write about it some time.

I prepared lunch, and it wasn’t anything fancy at all. Since I just moved in, I wasn’t really in the mood to cook so it was only something out of a box. But when Arwen asked me what I had, I said, “steak, smashed potatoes, and corns”. Trust me, it wasn’t as good as it sounds.

Luckily, I had input the addresses of a Barnes & Noble in town and a Vietnamese supermarket in my GPS, so I could actually go outside and check those two out. I love bookstores, and if Borders were still around I would go there all the time. Barnes & Noble is larger and even more fun. So I went there and did whatever snow does in the summer… I mean, whatever a nerd does in a bookstore: staring at book titles and feeling happy.

Another place I went to was a Vietnamese supermarket called Super Cao Nguyen. I found it online, and it’s supposed to be the biggest Asian market in town (how cool is that?). It was really fun going in there. They have a large variety of food and spices. They have good meat buns, “xôi” (sticky rice with chicken or pork), “bánh chưng” (Vietnamese new year cake) and many other things! Here are some pictures of what I got:

"Bánh bao" (meat bun)

Xôi gà (sticky rice with grilled chicken thigh)

Bánh chưng (Vietnamese rice cake)

Because this is a Vietnamese store so besides Japanese, Korean, and Chinese stuff, they have many Made-in-Vietnam goods to choose from. Here comes my patriotism! : ) Oh and right next to the supermarket was a pho restaurant called Mr. Phở’s. It is one of the most popular pho restaurants in Oklahoma City! (I didn’t go in because of my habit not to go to a restaurant alone. Maybe I’d go when Arwen comes visit and make a review on that.) But anyway, I got out of Super Cao Nguyen with a lot of froze food and felt super excited (no pun intended!). So I went home.

At one point I watched The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on my laptop. (Luckily I didn’t need to use Internet for this.) I am still amazed how Hollywood could muster 3 long movies out of a tiny little children’s book. If J. R. R. Tolkien could see this he’d laugh so bad.

And of course there was another thing that I did during this 24-hour period: I wrote this blog post! Now I needed that Internet guy to come and install the thing so that I can post this entry, didn’t I? Hopefully with this new life in Oklahoma City, I would find many things to share and have the time to share them. Please pray for me so that I’d live. 

Are There Friends Who Care?

Where can we find the friends who care?

As someone who has been studying abroad for the last 8 years, I have no family to depend on. Both of my families, they are so far away there is nothing they can do. So in order to survive, I seek friends.

I know what a good friend is, and I try to be the best one possible. I go “above and beyond” in friendships like an enthusiastic entrepreneur going about his business. I am there when people need me, offer helps before they ask, and give nice gifts on occasions (and doing other stuff a friend does to – you get the point).

My best friend in school told me that he’s so sad I had to leave in a week, and then spent that last week traveling away with his boyfriend. My lovely American sister to whom I keep sending nice gifts one day finally asked me for my address, only to mail me a sales catalog from her job.

Sometimes I would go down my phone’s contact list and send people text messages. But there will surely never anyone does that back to me. And letters, too. The only people who would feel like sending me things are State Farm, Papa John, and my sister.

My face cries out for attentions. Hello! Can you care about me too? Love me, please! 

But my eyes see people walk right by. Everyone has their family to whine on, and their American friends to befriend with. Who needs a peculiar and uncivilized foreigner? All of my feelings, concerns, and efforts turn out to be simply unwanted. “It’s so nice of you to do all that, now move along!”

Should I keep it to myself and put on a nice mask? Should I think that the people I have known so far are apathetic and I should keep looking for “better” ones? Or should I stop caring and trying for others because the only problem here is me loving my friends and caring for them so much? Am I too terrible of a person to be loved? The way I see it, Christians are solemnly marching to Heaven in silence. I try to make conversations with some but no one was interested.

Where do you find the friends who care?  

I Am Bored

It’s nearly midnight right now and I feel bored. I don’t want to do any work; I don’t want to play any game or watch any movie. I don’t even feel like going to bed. What I am to do?

It is by no means that I am running low on tasks. Tasks are always there hanging. They keep urging you to prolong this Life and make it perfect. Yet in the midst of all the to-do’s, occasionally I’d feel terribly bored – like right now at this moment.

I feel so bored, as if all the motivations and meanings in Life have finally decided to leave me for good, so that I would be lonely and sad. There you have it: I am so lonely and am so sad. I feel hollow and vain like a make-believe fortune cookie, or like a teenager yearning for love and care of a parent. I have been without a family for so long, have been wandering to the point of not having a place to claim my own. Sure, someday I’ll settle down somewhere and call it home. But isn't it extremely painful to have to create it yourself because you have none? I am so tired, and I am bored of being tired.

I have stopped blogging for so long it scares me to come back. This blog is a part of who I am, a humble way for me to serve God, and a place I can take refuge. Maybe that’s why I am complaining: it does feel like home when you can stop caring and start whining and no one will judge.

I am back.

A Story on Sunday

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” - Exod 20:8 (NIV)

It was another Sunday, and I was at church when I learned that our study group will discontinue by the end of the month. That’s too bad since it was hard to find a good Bible study group and I really enjoyed this class. “Oh well, what can I do?” - I said.

Then after the service, Arwen felt hungry and she was a bit grumpy and I wasn’t very happy about it. Why do we tend to be unhappy on Sundays?

While driving home, I decided that if the day was crappy, what I could do was to get many things done. I washed the dishes, and right after lunch I started doing laundry. After all, by the end of the day, maybe I would feel better with myself being productive.

The snow just now melted, leaving the soil in front of the laundry place soggy and wet. As I was carrying the huge laundry basket I stepped on this soil and it felt like quicksand. I quickly stepped back but it was too late: my proud Nike shoes got all the dirt they could take. Great, now the car became dirty when I got in, and the apartment also got dirty when I came inside. At least I didn’t drop the laundry.

Then I drove to the laundry place again to put the clothes into the dryer. When I came out of the car my little ice shovel scratched my leg it hurt so bad. I wanted to cry.

But it was Sunday, and my duty as a Christian was to try to be positive. So I braced myself out of the house one more time to get the laundry which should now be dried. I just needed to get the laundry, then maybe I could take Arwen to the local antique shop called “Those Were The Days”. She wanted to go there, so we might have some fun and be happy.

I turned my car key, and the engine sounded extra-loudly and there were strange noises. I decided to turn it off. And here the showdown happened. I took the key out of the ignition the machine did not stop(!). I tried opening the hood and saw some belt still spinning really hard. I did not know what to do. I thought of calling 9-1-1 but it might be too late. The car might explode right there and I might not survive. So I dashed to the neighbor next door for help. While I was knocking the car stopped.

So at least it did not explode. I tried to get in and turn it on, but nothing at all happened. No clicking sound. No light turning on. Nothing. The car is as dead as soup. It was all too quiet.

I had to walk to carry the laundry home. And I couldn’t take Arwen to “Those Were The Days”.

So my question was: I was just trying to do chores, why all of this had to happen to me?

Site note: This story happened 2 weeks ago, and up until now we still haven’t found another car to buy yet. The weather is cold, and walking to class is tough, which makes it altogether more unfortunate. 

A Christmas Week In Montana

You may have noticed that there was no post last week. It’s because Arwen and I went to Montana visiting my family for a week. The week went by really fast and now I want to look back and see what we did during that week. I haven’t done diary-style posts like this for quite a while so click on! There are pictures too!

Day 1, Wednesday

We flew the whole day. At first it was nice and Arwen thought her snacks were interesting enough and took a picture of it.

Then it got really boring and tiring, so we decided to take some funky pictures together. Here are some:

After 7 hours, we arrived at Bozeman, MT at 8 PM. Howdy, MONTANA!

Then Mom came pick us up. Then us being tired and sleep.

Day 2, Thursday

The second day was a shopping day, since we didn’t finish our Christmas shopping yet. My brother Holden drove us to three different stores then we had lunch at Burger King. Good time.

Then we went to Petra Academy, my high school, which was now much different: huge building, many more students and teachers, and there was a new huge gym.

Arwen liked the dog Remington very much, so she took many pictures of him. Here is one:

  

In the evening we went to watch The Hobbit pt.1. Three hours was a bit too long for one third of a mid-size novel, but oh well. The character of Bilbo Baggins was quite likable, and the Dwarven prince was majestically heroic. Saruman’s straight hair went so well with his mushy beard (sarcasm!), and Gandalf looked somewhat older than his 60-year-later counterpart. Arwen had hard time staying awake but it’s all good.

Day 3, Friday

I spent a rather peaceful morning reading The Hunger Games and finished it. A cat liked to seat between me and the book but I didn't mind much.

Meanwhile, Arwen prepared a dinner with Vietnamese style chicken curry, a specialty of hers. It was pretty well-received. Too bad there was no picture taken. Next time she makes this dish, I promise I will take some pictures and share.

After the dinner, we went to church to see my little sister Shadiah performing in a Christmas concert. It was nice. Then we went home and I was surprised to find out Shadiah played Star Craft II! So I played some games with her and it was really fun. Ah, she reminded me of myself 10 years ago!

Day 4, Saturday

It was the time for us to finish wrapping gifts and cards, so we did that. We also went outside and enjoyed the snow.

Chelsea, my twin sister was home that evening so it was exciting. We had a nice Italian dinner with a family living downstairs. Afterwards, we watched Ice Age 4 together. It was very well-made and I enjoyed it truly.

Day 5, Sunday

It’s a church day! I missed this church for a long time. I could still recognize some people though they seemed to not knowing who I was. Then we went home and made an Indian lunch with some family’s friends. Then Mr. Brian went home and we all drove straight to Lewistown. The day was very fast-paced like that.

Day 6, Monday

Christmas Eve! It’s Christmas Eve! And there was baby Eaton – the child of sister Paige. He was so cute! Dinner was with lamb and pork. I found out I didn't like lamb much.

Gifts were distributed by the end of the day. Arwen had all the chocolate she wanted and a very nice cook book from Chelsea! Yeah! Merry Christmas!

Day 7, Tuesday

It’s time to drive back to Bozeman. Then Holden, Shadiah, and Chelsea went to see La Miserables whereas Arwen and I stayed home and played Phase 10 with the parents. We lost, but it was fun!

Then of course, we packed our stuffs and went to bed.

Day 8, Wednesday again

The flight was early, so we woke up at 4:30 AM! Holden sleeptalked and sleephugged me before falling back to sleep. Good bye, family, and off we went! At the airport, BTW, Arwen tried to catch some fish.

And that concluded our week in Montana! We did so many things, did we not! 

My Awesome Birthday Gift

I love books. In fact, when I am no longer nomadic I would acquire so many books and stare at the shelves and feel excited. I also like collectibles – the “cool” things from this and that; statues, swords, stuffs. And I like video games a bit too much. At the moment I am enjoying Blizzard Ent.’s Diablo III, a fantastic game about the eternal conflict between the Burning Hells and the High Heavens and the struggled humanity living in between.

And this is what Arwen gave me for my birthday: Diablo III Official Strategy Guide, Limited Edition! The perfect combination of books, collectibles, and Diablo III! How awesome is that? I was speechless. I am such a lucky person to have a girlfriend like that. Here is the picture of the gift:

(From left to right: the hardcover strategy guide, the bonus binder, and the sculptured metal bookmark)

Just so you know, I don’t usually get collectibles of any sort. Those always are the things I would drool on forever and never buy. Diablo III for some reason is different. Recently I purchased a lore book of the game (unintended-ly), and now I even have the limited ed. strategy guide.  This may be a good chance for me to show my collection of Diablo III. Here we go:

(From left to right: the copy of Diablo III, the lore book Diablo III: Book of Cain, the strategy guide, and the exclusive bonuses)

So what do you think? Like my collection? With all of this being said, I don't do so well in the actual game since I don't have much time to invest on. If you want to add me in-game, leave me a comment and we'll figure things out! 

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Related topic(s):

StarCraft - Forever more...

Triviality, My Triviality

 

The time of the year when my birthday comes by visit is drawing near. People make wishes on their birthdays, and it’s a beautiful thing. Though this year there is no cake, no card, no friend, can I sing myself Happy Birthday and make some wishes too? 

I wish to be around my beloved friends and stop being just “some guy who would occasionally show up”. I wish to no longer be missed out, misunderstood, or mistakenly opinioned.

I wish to be around families, to be welcomed and to be spoiled, to be actually considered as important and irreplaceable, not alienated. I wish to be home.

I wish to be loved, cared, comforted, and respected.

Too much of wishful thinking, isn’t it? How can I be around my friends, if they are all scattered in Vietnam, Montana, Missouri, and California since I am freaking nomadic? Will I ever be able to get myself a “home”? And will I ever be a good man?  

Ok, that’s it for unhappy thoughts. I should never self-ask too much: there ain’t a “someone” to answer the questions for me. Besides, everything in this world is into place and there eternally is a plan. I am to leave my trivial thoughts behind and move forward.

It’s ok. Everything will be just fine. And someday, I will be alone no longer : )

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Tôi 20 (Vietnamese)

...And then, I changed

And So I am Thankful

Someone has said, “Foolish men think of the Past, wise men think of the Present, and evil men think of the Future.” Whether a person is wise or evil, then, only Time can tell. It’s not that I am implying anything – I don’t necessarily agree with the quote even. Let me allow myself to be foolish a bit and think of the Past today so that I can be thankful. It’s Thanksgiving after all.

I am thankful that I used to be able to enjoy some family time during holidays. I still remember those Thanksgivings when I could expect some good turkey, sweet potatoes, and green beans. Best food ever: full of love, joy, and tastiness.

I am thankful that I used to have a person to love and to be loved. Isn’t Love the most precious thing, for me to have someone to be waited for, some place to fall back to when all else wrongs, some hope to lean on to when the future is clouded with vast chaos?

And I am thankful for every other good thing that used to happen in the Past. Joyous time when hanging out with friends, self-fulfilling occasions when important things accomplished, and peaceful moments when sitting alone on the grass under the red, windy sky. And yes, I learned to love the rain, too! Rain was happiness. It may still is, because I still remember.

How does one define what a happy life is? To me a good life is the one which has many good moments in it. Some family moment, some good friendships, some achievements, one love. And maybe that’s quite enough for a life to be entitled as “happy”. Because of it, it doesn’t really matter to me how tough this current life is, or how depressing the future can be. I already have my happy life, and I will be thanking God for it forever.

“Một lần yêu thôi về thắp nến linh hương trong lòng

Và ngồi hát ca bềnh bồng…”

Happy Thanksgiving to you too. 

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Dark and Cold

"You Want to See Miracles?" 

A.R.K.

Hồi Ức Giờ Mới Kể

Mùa thu 2009.

Đây là một khoảng thời gian khó khăn trong cuộc đời sinh viên của tôi. Trong rất nhiều lý do mà tôi có thể nghĩ ra mà trầm ngâm đến hết ngày, thì việc tôi không về Việt Nam đáng nói hơn cả. Đó là một bí mật mà tôi đã giấu kín, phải một thời gian dài sau mới dám chia sẻ cho mọi người. Không kể thì thôi, nếu kể thì cũng dài dòng lắm.

Lúc ấy, tôi dã lên năm ba, cái khỏang thời gian mà mọi dự định đã phải được sắp đặt thật sớm: hè 2010 cố gắng được internship; xuân 2011 tốt nghiệp và đi làm. Vậy nghĩa là mùa đông 2009 là cơ hội tốt nhất/duy nhất để tôi có thể về Việt Nam. Thế rồi Hùng Cường bạn tôi nói rằng hắn sẽ về vào lúc ấy, và giá vé thì đang thật rẻ. Tôi lên mạng tìm, giá chỉ gần $900 (bằng ½ giá vé tôi mua để về hè 2009). Vừa ham giá rẻ, vừa quá nhớ cô người yêu đã một tháng không gặp, tôi mua luôn không chần chừ. Giờ nghĩ lại, tôi vẫn thấy đó là một quyết định đúng, và là một điều đáng mừng. Tôi đã tưởng tượng được trở về vui thế nào, gặp người yêu sẽ mừng ra sao, và bạn bè, gia đình, và mọi thứ của lòng tôi ở đó.

Niềm vui của tôi bị phá tan nhanh chóng. Ba tôi không cho tôi về. Ông nổi giận đùng đùng, quát tháo mẹ tôi om sòm. Ông bảo tôi vừa về đã đòi về nữa; ỷ có nhiều tiền rồi nghĩ tới chuyện về; về rồi lỡ người ta nghĩ nhà mình giàu có này nọ… Ôi, tiền tôi làm ra chứ có phải xin ai? Sao ông chỉ nghĩ những thứ gì đâu cho ai mà không nghĩ cho tôi? Mẹ tôi, đành gạt đi sự muốn tôi về vô cùng của bà mà khuyên tôi không về, sao ông còn cứ làm bà buồn phiền? Tôi đã nghĩ và tự hỏi như thế.

Tôi đã nghĩ ngay đến chuyện về mà ở chỗ khác như không về. (Giờ vẫn thấy như thế thật là tuyệt vời.) Mẹ tôi còn nói, hay là bảo tôi bị… trĩ phải về chữa gấp (o.0!) Nhưng tôi chẳng chọn cách nào và ở lại, giống như tôi được sinh ra không phải để làm những chuyện trái với lòng như vậy. Rồi ba tôi email tôi, hiếm hoi. Ông bảo tôi không có lý do gì để về. “Vì gia đình? Ba không tin lắm. Vì tình yêu? Mình cần nói chuyện.” Tôi không đời nào muốn kể cho ông nghe về người yêu của tôi; tôi chỉ trả lời là tôi sẽ không về, mong ông đừng lo. Câu nói cuối cùng trong email của ông, “nếu không thể không về thì ba nghĩ con kkhông nên quay lại học tiếp làm gì” làm tôi buồn vô hạn.

Thế là tôi không về, và vì mua vé giá rẻ nên không thể refund, tôi mất trắng số tiền đó.  Nhưng tôi không sao, cuộc đời tôi từng trải qua nhiều điều tồi tệ hơn thế, và tôi cũng từng sống với ba tôi cả 17 năm trời. Chỉ thương cho mẹ tôi, khi không tự nhiên có thằng con ở xa mà cũng làm phiền bà nhiều quá.

Rồi tôi thương cho người yêu lúc ấy của tôi. Tội nghiệp em quá. Tôi biết em sẽ còn buồn hơn nếu biết chuyện, thế nên tôi giữ kím đến mãi sau này. Chỉ thỉnh thoảng gặp em trên mạng, em nói em nhớ tôi mà tôi đau lòng.

Về số tiền bị mất, tôi cũng buồn. Mấy năng trời đi học xa cố gắng dành dụm, đùng một cái mất đi nhiều thế không buồn sao được. Thế là tôi lập ra quĩ, gọi là “những thứ đáng lẽ sẽ chi tiêu nếu không mất $863.69.” Khi nào tiết kiệm được khoản nào thì ghi vào đấy, đến khi vượt qua con số đó thì thôi. Nhưng vốn dĩ tôi đã tiết kiệm, nên thỉnh thoảng cũng chỉ là một cái burger hay một món quà vặt vài ba USD.

Rồi cũng vẫn trong mùa thu 2009 ấy, ông ngoại tôi qua đời. thiết nghĩ nếu tôi không về hè 2009 thì đã chẳng gặp được ông lần cuối, để hát cho ông nghe bài hát mà ông yêu thích. Mỗi lần trở về gặp người này người nọ quý vô cùng, khi so sánh với tiền thì vô hạn. Một người không phải đi học xa lâu ngày như ba tôi làm sao có thể hiểu được.

Mà đấy là câu chuyện của tôi mùa thu 2009. Tôi không quá buồn, không quá tiếc, vì tôi biết đó là ý của Chúa, và lý do để việc này hay việc kia xảy ra đều có những lý do mà tôi sẽ mãi chẳng hiểu được. Thỉnh thoảng tôi lại nghĩ, có khi không về lại hơn, vì người yêu tôi dù sẽ rất vui lúc ấy nhưng rồi lại buồn, lại nhớ tôi như vài tháng trước đó. Mùa thu 2009, những điều xảy ra đã hòa quyện vào nhau tạo nên một khoảng thời gian đáng nhớ và cũng đáng quên. Những ngày tháng ấy đã quá dài và đã trôi qua quá chậm.

I Thought I Had Gone a Long Way

 

These days are my life-changing period. I just walked out from my very last class in my undergrad career (the finals don’t count); then three more days and I’ll become 21. No more classes, no longer being under-aged, how can I keep up with Life as I should?

Right at this moment, I find every second passing by amazing. It is as if there really is something that I should be doing - something big, obvious, and significant. There very well be nothing as such, and it is just a feeling that would be haunting me terribly at certain times. Unreasonably, I feel unsecured, powerless, and lonely. Yet I have no one around, no one to be taken care of, no one to love. Even after all the things I have been through, why is it that I still am by myself mingling pitifully with Life like this? Why is there still nothing for me to lean on to when facing with crises and changes, so that I would be a bit at ease and encouraged? Why is it that I am not happy with all the accomplishments and still am sad when being ignored and hated? And I thought I had gone a long way.

Maybe after all of this time, there really is nothing here in Warrensburg for me and I really should go. Maybe the greater things in Life are yet to come, and I am yet to learn that this world is indeed a good place. Maybe the future holds only unexpected events yet I am at this moment to do nothing but speculate. And maybe I should pray, for it is the one thing for Christians to do at the end as well as at the start. But, it’s just like how a fulfilled person seeking God is wonderful: praying for Him when I have nothing else to do is sad.

Will I possibly become a better person one day...?

 

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Tôi 20 - 2009 birthday post (Vietnamese)

...And then, I changed - 2007 birthday post