When Does it Make Sense to Work Hard?

To work hard or not to work hard? This question seems a lot less straightforward than we think.

Some people grew up with the old-school mindset that hard work is good almost by definition. You work hard because that is what decent people do. You show up early, stay late, grind through it, and there is something honorable about the suffering itself. Whether it actually leads anywhere sometimes feels secondary.

Then there are people who look around and think the whole thing is kind of a scam. You work harder, your employer gets richer, and you just get more responsibilities piled onto you. They see people grinding themselves into exhaustion and wonder what exactly the point is. While there is some truth to that criticism, it is unfortunate that this mindset seems increasingly common among younger people. #quietquitting #yolo #eattherich. Cynicism, while it may protect people from exploitation, can also squander one’s potential. It breeds detachment and distrust, which in turn dampen the spirit and outlook of society itself.

Others take a more calculated approach. They are willing to work very hard, but only when the payoff makes sense. If the rewards are there – money, opportunity, ownership, freedom, something meaningful – then they will go all in. But they are not interested in blind effort for its own sake. Everything is optimization.

My own view is a little different. I do believe in hard work, but I think definitions get muddy here. A lot of what people call “hard work” is really just mindless grinding. Repeating the same thing over and over because that is what you are “supposed” to do.

To me, stepping back and rethinking the process can be the harder thing. Thinking is hard. Admitting the current approach is not working. Questioning assumptions. Changing strategy. Trying something smarter instead of just pushing harder. That takes honesty, humility, and courage. I would advocate for that version of hard work every time.

But there is another question here: what if the world does not reward your hard work? What if we give our best and still get ignored, passed over, underpaid, or cheated? Should we then pull back and take the lowest-effort approach possible? Should we “quietly quit”?

Personally, I would not. Because I am a Christian.

In 1 Corinthians 6:7b, Paul says, “Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?” That is a difficult mindset in a world where people are constantly calculating outcomes and protecting themselves.

I also think about Joseph in the Old Testament. Whether he was in slavery, in prison, or elsewhere, he consistently gave his very best. I doubt he spent every moment mentally optimizing, calculating whether the immediate outcome justified the effort. He simply worked faithfully wherever he was placed. And Colossians 3:22–23 instructs us to work wholeheartedly, not just when people are watching, but as unto the Lord.

There is honor in giving your best even when the rewards are uncertain. Not because the world always rewards it fairly. A lot of times it does not. Sometimes the lazy person gets ahead. Sometimes the manipulative person wins. Sometimes the person who cuts corners and flatters gets promoted while the conscientious one gets ignored. We all have seen that.

But if my standard for effort becomes “only do my best when the outcome benefits me,” then eventually everything becomes transactional. Every act of effort becomes a negotiation. Every situation becomes a calculation of whether people around me “deserve” my best. I do not think that is a good way to live.
At the same time, I also do not admire blind grinding. A person can waste years exhausting themselves on a bad strategy simply because they are too stubborn or too prideful to rethink it. There are people who confuse burnout with virtue.

To me, the better approach is this: work sincerely, work intelligently, and detach our sense of honor from immediate outcomes. Give our best because it shapes us into a certain kind of person. A dependable one. A thoughtful one. A disciplined one. Even if nobody notices. And if we realize the current path is foolish, inefficient, or pointless, then changing course is not laziness. Sometimes that is the harder move. Sometimes wisdom looks less dramatic than grinding, but requires far more honesty.

I think Christians especially should understand this distinction. Faithfulness is not the same thing as mindless self-destruction. Joseph served faithfully wherever he was placed, but he was also perceptive, adaptive, and wise. He did not confuse suffering itself with righteousness.

So let’s work hard. But discerningly. And may God bless our good work.

Superman, Crashed and Burned

 

For generations, Superman stood as the cultural blueprint for the ideal man. He embodied strength paired with restraint, courage guided by conscience, confidence anchored in humility. He was the man who could lift mountains yet chose gentleness, who could rule the world yet chose to serve it. Boys looked up to him not just for his powers, but for his virtues, a model of what a man could aspire to be at his best. But that man is no more.

The new Superman (2025) movie opens with a stunning reversal of everything he once represented. The first image we see is not steadiness or strength but helplessness: Superman, bloodied and defeated, sprawled face-down in the snow, crying out for help. His dog, Krypto, arrives, not as a loyal companion, but as a chaotic, disobedient force that bounces on his injured body, worsening his wounds, then drags him for miles across the frozen ground like a captive in an old Western. Our first encounter with this new Superman is not inspiration: it is humiliation. The next major scene continues the inversion. During an interview with Lois Lane, instead of the traditionally showcased Superman’s calm moral clarity, we see he becomes frustrated, raises his voice, and loses composure. Lois herself is combative and dismissive, questioning him about breaking laws even as he tries to save people’s lives. Their exchange is tense, unpleasant, and stripped of the dignity and mutual respect that used to define them.

This new portrayal is not random. It reflects a deeper cultural rewrite of what a “good man” is supposed to be today. Traditional masculinity - assertive, steady, principled, and protective - has increasingly been reframed as dangerous and toxic. Strength is treated with suspicion. Leadership is portrayed as aggression. Emotional steadiness is dismissed as repression. In this current worldview, a man is only considered virtuous when he is softened, humbled, or broken. And so Superman, the ultimate masculine archetype, must now be remade as weak, insecure, easily overwhelmed, and constantly challenged. The modern Superman does not inspire: he apologizes. He does not lead: he second-guesses. He does not project strength: he is allowed worth only after he first collapses.

When we change Superman, we reveal what we believe about men themselves. The sad truth is that the cultural ideal of the good man has shrunk. Instead of encouraging men to be strong and responsible with their strength, society increasingly expects them to be harmless, passive, and emotionally fragile. The result is a generation of young men who no longer see a clear path toward admirable masculinity: even their greatest hero has been stripped of his virtues.

In the end, none of this really seems to matter. The movie gives us bright colors, loud explosions, fast punches, and a few slow-motion hero shots. So the crowd cheers, the theater shakes, and everyone walks out smiling. Why do we care? We got our explosive action scenes, so we clap, and we’re happy.

How "Two and a Half Men" Damaged Marriage

 

When people talk about Two and a Half Men, they usually describe it as lighthearted fun, a classic sitcom built on raunchy jokes, exaggerated characters, and over-the-top scenarios. But underneath all the easy laughs, the show quietly delivers a message about marriage that is far darker and more corrosive than most viewers ever acknowledge. And I think that message has done real harm.

The problem isn’t that the writers set out to attack marriage, or that the show is making some philosophical argument. Intent doesn’t matter. Impact does. And the impact is plain: the show repeatedly portrays marriage as a terrible deal for men, something naïve men fall into and pay for the rest of their lives.

For 12 seasons, Alan Harper is the audience’s case study in marital misery. His divorce isn’t just a plot point; it becomes the defining feature of his entire life. He is chronically broke, paying alimony, paying child support, losing his home, and losing his dignity. And every time he tries again - attempting new relationships, contemplating remarriage - he’s humiliated all over. The lesson is clear: once a man signs that marriage contract, he gives up stability, finances, and freedom.

Meanwhile, the contrast with Charlie couldn’t be sharper. Charlie, the eternal bachelor, lives freely, sleeps with whoever he wants, and faces no long-term consequences. His lifestyle is painted as carefree and enviable, while commitment is painted as punishment. The show doesn’t have to tell men directly that marriage is a trap: it simply shows it, week after week, until the message sinks in.

I’m not claiming a sitcom single-handedly ruined American marriage culture - that would be absurd. But the show didn’t appear in a vacuum. It aired during a time when marriage rates were already declining, the divorce system was already widely viewed as risky for men, and fears about unfair financial and custody outcomes were spreading. What Two and a Half Men did was normalize those fears. It took the worst-case scenarios men worry about and turned them into everyone’s running joke.

That matters. Comedy has a way of shaping what we believe without us realizing it. When the same message appears across dozens of episodes: marriage ruins men; divorce bleeds them dry; women hold all the cards, it becomes part of the cultural background. A young man watching that doesn’t walk away thinking, “Haha, what a clever satire.” He walks away thinking, “That’s what marriage looks like.”

I want to be hopeful about marriage. I want to believe that people try to make it work, that two adults can come together in good faith, that love and effort matter more than fear. But the reality is that the perceived risk of marriage keeps rising, and shows like this amplify that fear even further. They reflect a world where men increasingly feel they have everything to lose and not much to gain.

Maybe that’s the saddest part: instead of offering a healthier or more balanced view, Two and a Half Men reinforces the idea that marriage is a gamble only a fool would take. And for many viewers, especially men, that message sticks long after the laugh track fades.

Indians are Now Turkeys

 

When I was a baby in Vietnam, my father would hold me and sing me a song he found in the English book. The song went like this:

One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys!

A few decades later, now I lived in the U.S. My son came home from kindergarten and taught me a song he had learned in his class for the upcoming Thanksgiving. It went like this:

One little, two little, three little turkeys
Four little, five little, six little turkeys
Seven little, eight little, nine little turkeys
Ten little baby turkeys!

No, I am aware that singing about “little Indians” has become somehow offensive and therefore unacceptable. So now we sing about turkeys. 

But what if the people from Turkey also get offended?

What is a "Conceit"?

 

Dictionary.com defines “conceit” as:

noun

1.     an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc.

2.     something that is conceived in the mind; a thought; idea: He jotted down the conceits of his idle hours.

3.     imagination; fancy.

4.     a fancy; whim; fanciful notion.

Four definitions. The first one is very bad, and is by far the most popular. The remaining three are actually positive and good. That’s why life is hard.

I wonder if this is a similar case to “literally”. “Literally” started out meaning exactly, truthfully what it is in the technical sense. But after a number of years during which many people misused the word and said things like, “I was staning him for like, literally a million years low diff!”, we now have a new, official definition of the word (see definition #4 below).

adverb

1.     in the literal or strict sense.

2.     in a literal manner; word for word.

3.     actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy.

4.     in effect; in substance; very nearly; virtually.

An Atypical Thought about Sins and Betrayals

In the NetFlix show Atypical, a mother had an affair, ended it, then was found out. Her children hated and avoided her. Her husband was disgusted by her. At first, he left, but soon after, problems happened at home so he came back for the children but told her to leave. One of their two children, the show’s protagonist, had autism, and when he was told that his mother had cheated on his father, he nonchalantly commented:

- Wow, it’s the first time I met a person who committed adultery.

Adultery is widely considered an unforgivable sin. When we find out our love partner has cheated on us, we end the relationship. We don’t forgive them. That’s what we do. On the seventh holy bullet point, the Lord has commanded, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” And this may very well be the only thing on which people of both sides would agree with each other these days.

Her husband was a paramedic who was mostly out at work. Her teenage daughter tended to do mean and disrespectful things to her just for the sake of it (saying stuff like, “No one needs you, Mom!”). Her autistic other child, the main character, he, well, had autism. It means two things: first, he was not empathetic to her, and if he didn’t need anything from her, he would tell her to go away. Simply no emotional connection. (There may be different kinds of autism, and some autistic people can be empathetic, I’m not arguing.) Secondly (and much more universally), he needed a lot of accommodations. So “her”, the mother, spent most of her time since he was diagnosed accommodating him. Driving him to see the therapists, listening to whatever he had to tell, doing whatever else to tend to his needs. Adding all the typical housework to that list, and you’d have a person without a life. She spent her days serving her family who did a pretty good job showing her that she was not needed.

By no means I am condoning people having affairs. Still a big NO. People who do that should really be ashamed of themselves and it really is their fault. But who doesn’t want to be needed? Who doesn’t want to be thanked, to be affirmed that they matter? And the ruggedly handsome bartender could do just that. So it happened. A family, wrecked. As long expected.

When I saw how she was disgusted and rejected by her husband and children, I wondered, how about their 20-plus years of marriage, how about all the love, the time, the efforts she had put in their lives: ain’t they amount much at all? Do we abandon all of what we and our loved ones have been through together – all of them – because of one big mistake? Should we though?

Countless people have had affairs. I don’t think they are all sex maniacs. Maybe people cheat because within their own families, they have been neglected, unappreciated, and abandoned. If our spouse was to have an affair, would it be possible that we were, collectively, also at fault? In this story I just told, wasn’t it her husband and children who arguably initiated her adultery?

When our loved ones committed a horrible mistake, it’s probably because we didn’t do something right ourselves. We feel betrayed, but maybe we have betrayed them first.

So the message is to not judge others too hastily. Another message is about the lesser-known Bible verse of 1 Corinthians 6:7b:

“Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?”  

Ted Mosby is not a Nice Guy

Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother is not a nice guy. Façade-ing as a good guy searching for true love, Ted went out and dated and slept with girls after girls for at least a decade, then after a number of years, now spends another decade to “share” all of his exotic experiences with his teenage children. “This is the story of how I met your mother”, he said. “I slept with this girl and that girl, etc. including your aunt Robin whom I still have a crush on”, he might as well have said. Oh and, I’ll briefly talk about your mother at the very end so that we won’t feel so bad.

At one episode, Ted’s friends (I think it was Marshall) pointed out how on each gathering occasion, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas, Ted would invite his girlfriend at that time to attend, she would be in the group picture, and never to reappear in the next one. How sad is that? How can we enter another person’s life, be a part of it, and then disappear (or in this case, make them disappear) forever? But good ole Ted did that, over and over. If someone spends some time to do some statistics, Ted may have slept with more people than Barney, the supposedly Don Juan of the group. In another popular show, The Big Bang Theory, Amy asks Penny if sleeping with 30 would constitute her as a slut. Well, respectfully, is our Mr. Mosby a slut? Probably not. He is a guy and our cultural perceptions on guys are different. But he must be a real big jerk.

Or so I thought.

I had this girlfriend Jenny from high school. We would be together everywhere. We weren’t just dating, we were good buddies. Now I look at the group pictures I had at the time, among our friends I would see myself, and I would see her.

Then we broke up and moved on. Still friends though, because being high school classmates is not something you can easily erase. Years went by, and one day I found myself gotten married with Arwen, another person who I met in high school, Jenny and I’s old classmate. But I couldn’t invite Jenny to our wedding: she’s my ex. And I look at the recent pictures when we went out to spend time with the old high school class, Jenny is not in them. I suddenly realize that she wasn’t there simply because we no longer dated, just like how she were in the older pictures simply because we were dating. I date someone and they are allowed to be in the pictures; I break up with them and they are no longer included.

Good Lord, I am just like Ted.

Are There Friends Who Care?

Where can we find the friends who care?

As someone who has been studying abroad for the last 8 years, I have no family to depend on. Both of my families, they are so far away there is nothing they can do. So in order to survive, I seek friends.

I know what a good friend is, and I try to be the best one possible. I go “above and beyond” in friendships like an enthusiastic entrepreneur going about his business. I am there when people need me, offer helps before they ask, and give nice gifts on occasions (and doing other stuff a friend does to – you get the point).

My best friend in school told me that he’s so sad I had to leave in a week, and then spent that last week traveling away with his boyfriend. My lovely American sister to whom I keep sending nice gifts one day finally asked me for my address, only to mail me a sales catalog from her job.

Sometimes I would go down my phone’s contact list and send people text messages. But there will surely never anyone does that back to me. And letters, too. The only people who would feel like sending me things are State Farm, Papa John, and my sister.

My face cries out for attentions. Hello! Can you care about me too? Love me, please! 

But my eyes see people walk right by. Everyone has their family to whine on, and their American friends to befriend with. Who needs a peculiar and uncivilized foreigner? All of my feelings, concerns, and efforts turn out to be simply unwanted. “It’s so nice of you to do all that, now move along!”

Should I keep it to myself and put on a nice mask? Should I think that the people I have known so far are apathetic and I should keep looking for “better” ones? Or should I stop caring and trying for others because the only problem here is me loving my friends and caring for them so much? Am I too terrible of a person to be loved? The way I see it, Christians are solemnly marching to Heaven in silence. I try to make conversations with some but no one was interested.

Where do you find the friends who care?  

It's Hard to Share!

I like to share. It’s not like donating stuffs (it’s good too) but more like… introducing to other people what I find interesting. So actually this post’s title should be: “It’s Hard to… Introduce”, but it wouldn’t sound as good. So there you go.

Songs, books, movies, games… Whenever I find one interesting I’d love to show it to another person – like a “maven”*, if you know the term, even though I am not as specialized and valuable. It’s pretty much become a hobby of mine. “Hey, you want to hang out? Come to my place and I’ll show you this awesome video clip I found last week!” And one day I finally realized the ugly truth, and I am sharing it with you right now.

Well, the title exposes it: sharing interesting things is hard. It’s very weird, really, because when I share with someone the stuff I found, it’s not as interesting as before! Almost always, when I play a movie or the song while introducing about it super-enthusiastically, I will feel that the movie or the song is rather plain and not worth-telling. It’s no longer funny or exciting or innovative to me (because I have just experienced it). In some cases it turns out to be straight-out disappointing. The other day I tried to get my girlfriend Arwen into some Japanese show called Boukenger. Somehow the beginning was strange, confusing, and slow-paced. I felt like I was wasting her time.

Why would I still like to share, then? Why is it that when I find something fun, I have that urge to tell others? It’s because occasional successes are rewarding. When a song I introduce makes a sad friend feel better, I am the most happy. When I find a fun game and successfully get my friends into playing it me, I am the most glad. Guess what, it happened to me today! Arwen said she enjoyed the musical movie I brought out today. It was made by my favorite Vietnamese singer. Happiness can be so simple like that.

So sharing is hard. I get the idea and try to write a post about it to tell my readers. But it’s not as easy as I thought. Now, how should I start? What do I write so people would read it? Oh my, sharing is so hard…!

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*Mavens: information specialists, who love to study the market AND sharing what they know to other people. More casual interpretations are welcomed, however.

That Joe Roelle Guy

There is a Canadian guy names Joe Roelle. He works for UNICEF in Vietnam (yes, Vietnam), and his Vietnamese is absolutely phenomenal. Living in Hanoi, Vietnam for roughly 10 years, he’s become a very popular blogger with his (of course) Vietnamese blog. His two published books, one of which just came out this February, are two top-sellers in the Vietnamese market. Having a chance to enjoy his new book, I was put to awe. Knowing too well of how difficult Vietnamese can be to Westerners, I can say that Joe has archived something extraordinary.

Learning another language is usually challenging. Someone who has been interacting with English since forever like me still has his incompetencies, and that makes me believe that it takes a life-time of effort to master a second language. Now I am trying to get to Korean, it gets even tougher. Will I ever become tri-lingual?

Let me tell you a secret about that Joe Roelle guy: he started learning Vietnamese when he was 25! Twenty-five years old! It means one thing: You don’t need to be a child to learn another language. If we are committed enough, we can be as good as Joe in any language. True enough that I am not living in Seoul for the next ten years (which would really make a difference!), I can still try it on my own. And guess what, 10 years from now, I may speak Korean fluently with a unique accent. : )

Oh, and he has a website. Try him!

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Related post(s):
The Ineffectiveness of English

I Watched 'I am Sam' for Christmas

I thought I should do something for Christmas. My families and friends were far away. Even the neighbor guy I hung out with was gone visiting his aunt. But I still thought I should do something. I watched a movie. I watched I am Sam.

She told me about it. She told me about someone telling someone else how he (or she) was “the color red of her life.” I wanted to watch it to know what it meant. A love movie could be nice – I supposed – each and every time I could learn something new and insightful. The movie I am Sam was insightful indeed! However, though it was full of love, humors, and excitements, it was not, by any means, what I was expecting.

I am spoiling it: the movie is about a retarded father trying to get back his daughter, and he does it splendidly. There were many things going on in my head as I was watching it, thoughts about relationships between parents and children, about the beautiful diversity of companionships, about different values in Life and how one chooses which to pursuit. I am Sam is a surprisingly meaningful movie and I can make this post a long and boring discussion about the richness of it. Or, I can talk about retarded people.

To say it simple, retarded people have problems with mental development and their intellectual level can only reach that of a young child. They are everywhere, and to tell the truth, I never feel too comfortable being around them. They tend to disturb people around at an ultra-high level, and in the worst case I have experienced, they treated my friend Renae badly while she was trying to help them. I have wondered at times why people try so hard to help them while they aren’t really that treasurable. I can live with inherent unproductiveness, but I cannot easily forgive ignorant cruelty.

The movie gives me a different experience. The miserable beings in there present us with series of touching moments. How Sam raised his daughter Lucy to become a strong and smart girl, how Sam’s handicapped friends helped him to buy Lucy her new shoes, and how he had the famous lawyer Rita Harrison to help with bringing Lucy back are most incredible among others, and watching them would easily bring one into tears. The disabled were able to perform the miracles.   

Only by following through the whole story of one retarded father may I see the unimaginable. Sam and his handicapped friends show me their genuine love for other people, their extraordinary efforts to carry on responsibilities, and their utmost appreciations toward any tiny goodness of life. 

As awesome as Sam is, we can’t deny the fact that he and his friends keep acting weird and screwing things up. Someone who only glimpses at I am Sam for 10 seconds can really say, “Oh my, these guys are nothing but nuts!” But then again, is this “clumsiness” really such a bad thing? We all know someone who tries too hard and messes things up – we do too! Maybe that’s why retarded people mess up all the time: they always try their absolute best to make things work, consistently, persistently. To learn to love them patiently and courageously helps us to love better our children, our elderly loved ones, and ourselves.

To tell, retarded people are quite lovable – to the point that they may as well be listed among God’s favorites. They never twist any comprehensible truth. They try to do the right things and to enjoy their lives – and they try real hard. Don’t they have some of the best virtues that God has ever created? Isn’t there always something in them that we can observe and wholeheartedly admire? Aren’t they simply some other people that are different? We are all different. And from now on, I will restrain myself from using the word “retarded” inappropriately.     

So on one night I watched I am Sam. What a wonderful movie! It was a good time. It was a good cry. It was a good Christmas cry.

And So I am Thankful

Someone has said, “Foolish men think of the Past, wise men think of the Present, and evil men think of the Future.” Whether a person is wise or evil, then, only Time can tell. It’s not that I am implying anything – I don’t necessarily agree with the quote even. Let me allow myself to be foolish a bit and think of the Past today so that I can be thankful. It’s Thanksgiving after all.

I am thankful that I used to be able to enjoy some family time during holidays. I still remember those Thanksgivings when I could expect some good turkey, sweet potatoes, and green beans. Best food ever: full of love, joy, and tastiness.

I am thankful that I used to have a person to love and to be loved. Isn’t Love the most precious thing, for me to have someone to be waited for, some place to fall back to when all else wrongs, some hope to lean on to when the future is clouded with vast chaos?

And I am thankful for every other good thing that used to happen in the Past. Joyous time when hanging out with friends, self-fulfilling occasions when important things accomplished, and peaceful moments when sitting alone on the grass under the red, windy sky. And yes, I learned to love the rain, too! Rain was happiness. It may still is, because I still remember.

How does one define what a happy life is? To me a good life is the one which has many good moments in it. Some family moment, some good friendships, some achievements, one love. And maybe that’s quite enough for a life to be entitled as “happy”. Because of it, it doesn’t really matter to me how tough this current life is, or how depressing the future can be. I already have my happy life, and I will be thanking God for it forever.

“Một lần yêu thôi về thắp nến linh hương trong lòng

Và ngồi hát ca bềnh bồng…”

Happy Thanksgiving to you too. 

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Related topics:

Dark and Cold

"You Want to See Miracles?" 

A.R.K.

How to become a little bit more successful

Regardless of what we do, it almost always comes down to whether it’s a success or a failure. Like taking a daily bus to work.

Normally there’s more than one option for us to choose. Some are simply good. Just by choosing one of them, the chance of success will be automatically enhanced and secured. For those who want to get from my apartment to the banking center where I work, the bus number 522 is a great option. 522 is a “rapid bus” which skips 70% of the bus stops and doesn’t have to follow a fixed schedule: it runs as fast as the traffic allows. By taking a 522, I can get to work in less than 30 minutes, sometimes even within 20 minutes!

Good options, however, don’t come around very often. We can’t help but to look for available alternatives which aren’t gonna be as appealing. In those less fortunate days when 552s are nowhere to be seen, a Number 22 will take me instead. 22 is a “standard” bus which stops at every single bus stop on its path and follows the schedule faithfully. When a 22 shows up early, I can’t ever be glad knowing that it’s gonna rest for 10-15 minutes somewhere on the road to keep up with the schedule. And I will arrive at work in (averagely) 45 minutes.

25 minutes and 45 minutes are decisively different. One would make me a model employee who shows up gloriously 15 minutes ahead of the schedule; another would show the world that I am nothing but a slacker who apparently not very talented at time management. If every bus in the world magically became a 522, I would be very happy.

Wishful thinking doesn’t help, and none of us controls the existence of the good and bad things, they may as well be left to chances. Humanity, therefore, is stuck forever with absolute blind luck.

Or is it, really?

Many people in the past have moved mountains, conquered great seas, and changed history. I believe that each and every one of us possesses the power to change many things, including those that are yet to come upon us. One day I got tired of hoping for seeing a 522 coming every single morning, so I decided to change. I started waking up 15 minutes earlier. Now by the time I get to the bus stop, it no longer matters which bus is coming. Either 522 or 33 will get me to work on time, and if I don’t feel like it, I can even skip a 22 to wait for an eventual 522 in pleasure. By waking up a little earlier, I am able to choose which bus to get in. By changing ourselves a little bit, we gain the power to manage the future’s outcomes.

Self-discipline is no easy task. Significant changes occur when one’s will is determined enough.   By being a little bit more determined, we can have many of those good and bad things grasped in our hands, and the power to control them is to our disposal. And finally, we may as well be a bit, though just a tiny bit, more successful in Life.

Love, definitely

A good friend of mine is getting married this summer. When I received the “Please save the date” card, I learned that they had known each other for 2464 days. I literarily used my calculator and put down

2464 ÷ 365 = 6.7507

After six years of knowing each other, they’ll get married. How great is that?

When we were still in class, I asked my friend that when seeing a girl, how to know if she is the right person. He said something like this: “She would stand out from the rest of the world – so brightly you can’t help but notice.”

Adam Sandler also said something about “the right person” in The Wedding Singer: “You’ll know when you meet the right girl, because it’s not how you feel about her, it’s how she makes you feel about yourself.”

Great ideas. Great quotes. Yet Valentine’s is coming and I find myself hanging out with Isolation. After all the relationships I have had, I failed to earn my true love. After all of these years, I have to once again wonder what love is.

Well, the easiest way is to look it up in the Bible. So the Bible says:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV)

Ha, ok. This always sounds good. However, how would love, then, differ from a crush? As someone who has had plenty of crushes (unintentionally), I clearly understand how passionate, selfless, and forgiving a crush can be. When two people are having a crush on each other, what they feel and do to one another can arguably surpass those of two lovers, at least in scale if not in scope. I think maybe what makes love stand out is the longevity: a crush briefly occurs while a true love lasts.

When I was with my former girlfriend, Arwen, it was a happy time. We did what we could for each other even though we were half a globe apart. I thought I loved her, yet in the end we could not overcome our imperfections and said goodbye. After so many nights praying for the two of us, I found this ending heartbreaking. “O God, so she wasn’t the one then.”

Very soon, I met new people and got attracted. Maybe I have been wrong about love the whole time! Or maybe, I have never known how to love a woman.

At the latest time when I thought I knew what love was, I defined it as what remained after every fanciness of a crush had left. It never was true. When all the attractions, all the desires and passions have gone, a relationship would remain with responsibilities, obligations, and rational thoughts. Love would become despair. A crush, then, though silly and irrational as it is, is not at all insignificant. Instead of ridding this “crush”, true love may better be a crush that has matured and transformed into something everlasting. I think.

Now, when I meet some great person who is so attractive, I’d automatically have a crush – with all its passion and forgiveness and other goodies. I would deny them all, thinking how that is any different from other millions crushes. How do I know if fate is to tie me with this particular person? How dare I have any kind of hope? How do I even know what to pray about this?

My journey of finding true love is yet to be over.

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