D. O.

Cách đây cả năm, sáu năm, khi tôi học Anh văn với một chị gái sinh viên ở nhà, chị nói bâng quơ một câu mà tôi lại nhớ mãi, “Bạn thân cấp Ba sẽ là bạn thân của cả đời đó em!” Câu nói của chị đơn giản và ngắn thế, mà sao đúng quá…
Năm lớp 10 bỡ ngỡ ngồi chống cằm, tôi cũng đã kịp lia mắt ngó quanh mà ngó ra hai tài năng ẩn mặt của lớp, một trong số hai người là Dark Orc, ngồi tuốt ở góc xó phía bên kia với một lũ lu-xu-bu lạ hoắc. Chuyện cũng chẳng có gì nhiều cho đến khi qua học kì II, vì một lí do khách quan nào chẳng thể nhớ, tôi bị cô giáo “wăng” xuống góc lớp, chỉ để rồi tôi quen với Dark Orc và một thằng nữa – giang hồ gọi là Dark Wizard. Dark Orc “giáo sư” – như người đời vẫn gọi, vì giỏi Toán và Hóa một cách... vô lý, ai ngờ lại cùng chụm đầu cùng hai thằng Dark còn lại mà thành Dark Force. Kể từ đó, tôi đã có người cùng ngồi cùng cười hô hố, và vỗ vai an ủi đầy thô bạo những lúc không vui. Có những lần tôi …muốn làm quen với một cô gái nào đó, lại ngại ngùng quá mà để Dark Orc đi cùng, để rồi sau khi nói chuyện với người ta xong, quay về một lúc lại ngơ mặt hỏi DO, “con bé tên là gì thế nhỉ?”
Dù chẳng phải Phan Bội Châu hay... Pa-ven, đời học sinh cấp ba ngắn ngủi của tôi cũng tích tụ biết bao nhiêu là trò lố. Cả lớp ngán ngẩm, người đời lắc đầu thở dài, kệ họ. Quay qua ngó là tôi luôn lại thấy DO bên cạnh, chẳng còn gì bằng. Định nghĩa bạn thân nhất (best friend) là gì, sao lại vừa sâu xa vừa đơn giản đến vậy.
Đến lớp 11, DO hắn có bạn gái đầu tiên, Dâu – lại là nhân vật xuất chúng thứ hai mà tôi phát hiện ra hồi lớp 10. Hai người quen nhau êm đẹp trong sự vui mừng của DF và ngỡ ngàng của thiên hạ. Thỉnh thoảng họ gây chuyện, một thằng đeo nhãn “bạn thân” như tôi chẳng biết làm gì, lại làm thằng khùng đi làm nhiều chuyện nhảm nhí… Vậy rồi lâu ngày trở lại, Dâu đã bỏ đi mất. Hai đứa đau, chỉ biết nhìn nhau…
Đi học mà không chơi game là …vứt (!). Suốt bao tháng ngày, hai đứa luôn rủ nhau đến tiệm Hp vào Chủ nhật, lúc …6 giờ sáng. Giờ “thiêng” như vậy mà chẳng ai đến trễ lần nào, nghĩ lại thấy cũng nể mình thật. Bao nhiêu trò chơi, mà nhiều nhất vẫn là Warcraft III. Guild chúng tôi chẳng có ai chơi bằng skill, sự “tà đạo” vô đối vẫn luôn là chìa khóa giúp phân thắng bại. Và đương nhiên ngoài game ra còn bao nhiêu trò khác: đá cầu, bóng chuyền, bóng rổ, làm thiệp, đi hót… chẳng lẽ lại kể hết thì ai thèm đọc chứ? ^^
Tiếc là cuộc đời đâu nào toàn nắng vàng trải đầy, áo trắng cặp vở và tiếng cười rôn rã. Hai năm trôi qua ngắn ngủi để bạn bè phải rời xa nhau. Chẳng bao giờ tôi lại nghĩ mình có thể hiểu Nguyễn Khuyến đến vậy.

“Câu thơ nghĩ đắn đo không viết,

Viết đưa ai, ai biết mà đưa?...”

(Khóc Dương Khuê)

Ở đời biết bao người đi lại cười nói, có mấy ai chịu ngồi lại để cùng chia sẻ, để cùng cười hô hố không biết trời trăng với tôi?
Ngày tháng lại trôi qua, tình thân vì xa nên tưởng chừng phai nhạt. Bất ngờ tôi gặp bạn, nghe thấy giọng nói quen thuộc mà chẳng biết làm gì, chỉ nhoẻn miệng cười toe toét…
“Gì? Sao lại cười?”“… Ờ…”

- Happy birthday, DO!...

Just a lame step of sacrifice

I have been keeping thinking about Mr. Koenen speech at the Petra 2008 graduation. In order to practice the idea of “sacrifice [myself] for ‘something’”, this was the first thing I came up with: The Prince Caspian Operation (!) (When you read to the fancy name of the operation, please imagine some ethic music appears along with it.) This is the second so-called “operation” since …the KK operation, which surely wasn’t any racial stuff but simply was… how to get to Kim’s birthday party. The mission was accomplished barely in May 2007. However, the mission this time seems to be much tougher.
What in the world is “The Prince Caspian Operation”? – Well, everyone should recognize easily that it should involve somehow with the movie The Chronicle of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I saw any single person who was talking about this movie saying that it was perfectly great (one example should be Kim’s “prince caspian”). This just makes me want to watch the movie so badly. However, there are rumors about the difference between the movie and its original version in the book of C. S. Lewis. Also from personal experience of Harry Potter, I believe that it should be more beneficial if I read the book before watching the movie. The thing is, it’s not so easy to do that.
I am now working with the Bible (currently the book Judges). According to my plan, I will then finish the second half of Harry Potter and the deadly hallows, which have been delayed for more than a year. Until then, The Chronicle of Narnia will be read. Unfortunately, I am not the kind of reader who reads several books at the same time, and I don’t want to change my reading plan neither. Therefore, Mr. Prince in the movie will have to wait for a while. And that’s all there is to it.
That’s not an act of sacrifice! – Well, I think that’s a pretty challenging thing to do (and as I said in the title, it is LAME, isn’t it?). Besides, I suppose I need to get some guts before doing some greater sacrifices, and, I did said that was my first step (at the 1^st paragraph) – means that I have been doing “something” else also.

So yeah, I need to finish this post for now, that I can continue the “mission”. Wish me luck! :D

B for Becoming Better

When I graduated from Petra, I clearly understood that I was an incomplete graduate, that I lacked so many things which any true "Petrafied" graduate should have had. Since then, I have been concerned how to become more sophisticated.
I was thinking about it again yesterday night, and suddenly realized one stunning fact: I have learned almost nothing from Mr. V’s Bible Interpretation class! I remember I have tried to ask several questions about Christianity, but they were all off-topic, so Mr. V denied to answer them, and Richard’s responses to my questions weren’t really efficient since I couldn’t understand much what he said back then. As a matter of fact, the only thing I think I’ve learned in that class was merely knowing “what’s going on” in the books Esther, Ruth, and the Gospels. I did not understand the “points” or any innate lesson from them, and I didn’t have any idea what the book Philippians was talking about. How crazy it truly was!
Surely, I am not going to criticize Mr. V at all, especially after watching “true” graduates making their speeches, any single one of them expressed how challenging Mr. V’s classes were, and how many things they have learned from him. However, I truly don’t think it was my fault neither (bad me.) I did try in that class and I got an A for the final, and a high B for the class. The only thing bothers me is that somehow I’ve missed a chance to be a better interpreter, and if only I could go back and attained his class again, I might have been appreciate the class much more (and maybe I would have mentioned Mr. V in my speech also.)
Back then when I received my final grades, I kept thinking that if only I have got an A in my Bible class, I would get straight A’s and become… another Richard (never mind about this.) As now I am thinking back, I am actually glad that it was not an A, or else things would have become really ridiculous.
The thought leads me to wonder if I really deserve all the A’s in the other classes. I realized the difference was that in those classes, I really learned things and my knowledge in those fields have improved a lot. Because of that, I was given A’s even though I was still so far behind my classmates. An A was not showing what level I was at, but how big the improvement I got. Realizing these, I am extremely thankful.
“Hey Anh, how're your grades in college?”“Are you asking about the official grades or the real ones?”

The Proof

When I was taking my Philosophy course, the professor defined “faith” as the belief without proof (By “proof” means through reasons and logics.) At some points, I can argue that almost everything does not have good proof, but of course we know what he means by this definition. Of course, Christians’ faith is not some unjustified fallacy, and we do have a lot of solid proofs that if only we regulate them with our minds, we may clearly feel that everything makes sense. However, not everyone can obtain such knowledge sufficiently, and since most people are rational thinkers, a slight doubt in a fragment of second of the nature of Christian faith can be unavoidable.
Shamefully, I myself did that sometimes, though I tried to “fix” that by making me become more sufficient with books and prayers. One thing I am so thankful is that any sincere prayer will surely be replied, and yes, He did. Now thinking back about it, I feel it inappropriately funny if some believer asks God for “proof”, but somehow I did ask, and He did give me some “proof”. Though I am going to share the story, it is not a testimony or anything close, but simply a “story” to share.
It happened when I was… flying to Montana for the graduation of Petra (yeah, life is comprehensive sometimes.) Sitting next to me was an old woman. We got to talk to each other, and I knew that she wasn’t an ordinary person, but an eighty nine year-old historian. Well, basically she was a Christian, and she was going to try to “evangelize” me, but since I already was, her story was amazingly significant to me. She was distinctively a rational scientist, many of which are strong atheists. The important thing was that she was a historian professor, and therefore, whatever she could find shouldn’t be too far from the truth. Indeed, from trying to deny God’s existence by finding proof, she was convinced herself by the fact that what the Bible said was surprisingly true. She told me a lot of stories, showing me how the three sons of Noah were really the ancestors of the three races, and many others (I just can’t re-demonstrate all of them efficiently.) And I realized, this was the proof given by God.
How do I know it? Can she tell lies? Can she surely be the historian only because she said that? Was all what she said reliable?... If I wanted to ask myself these, there could be much more, but then nothing can be come up with in the end, and probably the conversation wouldn’t have even existed. I understand what I saw and what I heard exactly how God wants me to. The clear explanation belongs to another dimension of knowledge, so it cannot be provided. The fact is, I saw the proof I needed, was amazed by that, and got my faith strengthened greatly.
It’s 1:16 a.m. right now, and I don’t know what I am getting at. However, I have the formula for my Christian life now: Keep trying, fall, try harder, and pray. Look at me, some of the hair of the black sheep is getting lighter!...
God bless…

An orchid has dropped, at last

I have been written about you, Orchid; and I am writing another one, which is probably the last.
You’re pretty – dangerously. I have never been a retarded one, yet you attracted my heart easily and possessed it for an unreasonable time. Your eyes, your smiles, and your cute break-dancing moves were so inspiring that a half of my blog was filled with posts talking about you.
With your closely perfect physical beauties, it once seemed that I could have never escaped – and not just me, I know there are many other unfortunate guys got their hearts stuck with your images. As I said in one of my post, “you were the closest image of Dark Elf that I have ever known.” But the nominal work is not full of images, and, what ever phenomenal will be dimmed out till vanish.
I have been trying so hard, Orchid, only to make my hope become reality. However, all what I have received were your carelessness and worse - selfishness. Everything of you for which I loved, or maybe I thought you were, are all false. Days passed by watching you, it’s getting more and more obvious to me how different we actually are. What you think, what you do, and how you spend what you have, show me your world to which I don’t belong. Now I think I know what “beautiful” is, surely you are not the one.
I love you no more.