Going to College Sucks!

(a picture of myself in my dorm room. Taken in my Freshman year, 2007)

College sucks! I wish that no one ever went to college ever.

There was VSO – the Vietnamese Student Organization that I helped created. The people who shared the same first language, my brethren. They always tried to gather and spend good time to fill the holes caused by the away-from-home emptiness. And I hardly joined. Now I wish I had.

There was that girl I met in my Micro Economics class – the one class that I felt I was a super genius who waltzed through the materials while the rest of the class struggled. When we were about done with the class, I finally had gathered enough courage and told her that she looked extremely pretty and good luck on the final. She told me it was very nice of me, and that she was about to transfer to another school far away.

There was a group of International students from South Korea one of which was my roommate. They were so nice they inspired me to learn Korean so that one day I could visit Korea and impress them with my fluency. But it was 4 years ago, and I don’t know how many more years will I be able to do that, and if I can, will anyone in South Korea still care or be excited?

And there was the South Todd people, and the CCH group too. I was always busy trying to take maximum amount of classes and some part-time jobs and finishing up college quickly that I never hung out with them. I graduated in 3.5 years, and already I spent 4 years afterwards in regrets.

The day I graduated, I walked away with a bunch of people that I would miss for the rest of my life that otherwise I would never have known. The feeling kills me for days and months and years that I become a dark-skin emo. What’s up with all of this – meeting many people who would walk away from my life for good: what’s the purpose? Is it so that I could learn to become a better person and be hurt?

I look though the pictures taken with some friends and they make me want to cry. I want to go on Facebook and talk to them, asking them how they are doing and that I miss them so very much. But I cannot. Who still remembers me and wants to talk? What are we gonna say beyond “How have you been?” and “I am well”? And more importantly, what’s the point of doing all this to then simply stop and lose it once again?

How cruel of humanity to come up with such thing as college. How foolish of me to go to graduate school to start that all over again (and get hurt all over).

You know what’s so nice about my Christian faith? It allows me to hope for a possibility of eternal gathering, that I can be with everyone forever.

My Dale Carnegie Adventure - Pt.01: The Orientation

The company I am working for has a tradition of sending its employees to Dale Carnegie Training courses.  At almost everyone’s desk there is some sort of diploma or recognition from Dale Carnegie hanging at the front it’s crazy.

Dale Carnegie is a program that helps improving your social skills such as public speaking, doing things outside your comfort zone, managing stress, and maintaining a positive attitude. (Dale Carnegie himself was graduated from the same college I attended so hey! : )

So it happened that I got enrolled to the program and I will have to attend the three-and-a-half-hour class for the next 6 weeks or so. And I have decided to write about this as a new series for this blog. My current lifestyle has been preventing me to update this blog regularly and I am trying to fix that. Dale Carnegie is a popular program, so sharing my experience while taking it may benefit many other people.

The “Interesting” Orientation

Last week was the orientation and we had the opportunity to see each other for the very first time. The group that my company sends this time includes two very high-ranked members and I (oops!). The class is a small group of around 20 people, all Caucasians except me (for genuine observation without any racism on my part : D), and everyone seem to be older than me. There is a middle-aged lady sitting by herself at the front row who thinks she is really smart and tries very hard to show that. (Ah! I hope my perception of her would change toward the end of the course!) The instructor is nice and friendly but I wonder if he hates me now: when I arrived 5 minutes early, the class was already started so at the end of the class I asked him if we should come to class 15 minutes early next time. The way he responded has something to do with his watch and mine not agreeing. Yeah, I was already showing an “annoying Asian guy” on the first day – what a great start.

How to Effectively Receive Dale Carnegie Awards

There are two people in my company, Pepsi and Coke (and yeah, I changed their names). They were in the same group of people attending DCP and Pepsi received the highest DC award along with a bunch of other stuff whereas Coke didn’t get squat. The problem is both Pepsi and Coke work closely with me in the company, and I know that Pepsi is not a good public speaker or is he strong with any other social skill. His work attitude is not the best and he still has a lot to work on to be effective at work. Coke, on the other hand, is a charismatic, energetic kind of guy who is an eloquent speaker. Heck, he is an ordained minister who sometimes would imitate Joel Osteen for us to watch (and he would do a really great job!).

So why in the world would Pepsi gets recognized and awarded while Coke isn’t? The answer is simple: the awards go to the one who shows that he/she has tried the hardest or has improved the most. This makes sense in the way I don’t really appreciate. It implies that the students’ pre-existing abilities are irrelevant, that any effort a person makes prior to the course is not to be accounted for at all. You are not gonna be rewarded if you have been learning to improve yourself for a long period of time before taking the course. It’s like an art class in which the first place goes to the one who didn’t know how to draw but now can draw an apple instead of the one who could paint a perfect orchard and now is getting slightly better at digital color compositions.

What I Should Do for the Class

Of course I wasn’t the only one with the “Coke vs. Pepsi” observation. The two bosses/classmates of mine are planning to deliberately appear so “pathetic” in the beginning, maybe with tears if necessary, in order to maximize their “progresses” to others. I have to say that it is a really tempting option but maybe I shouldn't go with that. This is gonna be a large amount of time I will invest in, and I should learn what I can to improve myself to become for effective at work and in Life. After all, I am not one of the big bosses yet. : )

So here is my goal for this journey: to try the best I can to present myself and to learn from others; to impress everyone from the very beginning and not holding back as if I am in America’s Got Talent; to appreciate every moment being in the program; and to make some new good friends if possible.

I am looking forward to what is happening, and will try to share this experience with you as meaningfully and truthfully as I can, and I hope you too will enjoy reading it. Thank you very much!

Hồng Ân

Ai đánh mất một điều chi đẹp nhất
Nơi góc phòng, trên kệ tủ từ lâu
Tại vô duyên, đâu bao giờ giáp mặt
Tự nhân tình, sao không tự quen nhau?

Hồng nhan thiên là Hồng Ân Thiên Chúa
Hồng Ân… là cái gì Hồng Ân?
Đời đã qua, sao tim ta còn lại?
Ngây dại khi lại phải khóc vì em.

Ngày trống trải
Nên lải nhải về đêm…

24 Hours Without the Internet

Right now I am in the process of relocation, and there was a 24-hour gap between checking out of Motel 6 and having a guy from Cox coming over to install the Internet in my new apartment. (The Motel 6 in Oklahoma City has fantastic and free Internet, by the way; it’s far superior to the one in San Jose whose paid Internet service is painfully crappy.) Not having Internet access this long was a challenge to me no doubt, but Challenge Accepted!!!

When facing some hardship, of course the first thing to do is to lament about it. So I stared at my laptop screen and realized how sad Life was without the Internet. More than half of the icons are Internet-based programs. I could care less of what people said on Facebook for 24 hours, but giving up Internet entirely was not fun. I needed to read the news and check emails; I wanted to look at YouTube; I wanted to play video games. They all required Internet connections. Oh how about going out to explore the new city? Let me see what places they have on Google Map… oh wait.

So I read the Bible my today’s portion. I was following the Bible reading plan I found (previously!) online of going through the whole Bible in a year. The first 3 chapters in the book of Ezra were fine, just a lot of names but I’m sure they’re important. Then I jumped to James and read about how humility was important. Being humble is such a tricky topic and maybe I’ll write about it some time.

I prepared lunch, and it wasn’t anything fancy at all. Since I just moved in, I wasn’t really in the mood to cook so it was only something out of a box. But when Arwen asked me what I had, I said, “steak, smashed potatoes, and corns”. Trust me, it wasn’t as good as it sounds.

Luckily, I had input the addresses of a Barnes & Noble in town and a Vietnamese supermarket in my GPS, so I could actually go outside and check those two out. I love bookstores, and if Borders were still around I would go there all the time. Barnes & Noble is larger and even more fun. So I went there and did whatever snow does in the summer… I mean, whatever a nerd does in a bookstore: staring at book titles and feeling happy.

Another place I went to was a Vietnamese supermarket called Super Cao Nguyen. I found it online, and it’s supposed to be the biggest Asian market in town (how cool is that?). It was really fun going in there. They have a large variety of food and spices. They have good meat buns, “xôi” (sticky rice with chicken or pork), “bánh chưng” (Vietnamese new year cake) and many other things! Here are some pictures of what I got:

"Bánh bao" (meat bun)

Xôi gà (sticky rice with grilled chicken thigh)

Bánh chưng (Vietnamese rice cake)

Because this is a Vietnamese store so besides Japanese, Korean, and Chinese stuff, they have many Made-in-Vietnam goods to choose from. Here comes my patriotism! : ) Oh and right next to the supermarket was a pho restaurant called Mr. Phở’s. It is one of the most popular pho restaurants in Oklahoma City! (I didn’t go in because of my habit not to go to a restaurant alone. Maybe I’d go when Arwen comes visit and make a review on that.) But anyway, I got out of Super Cao Nguyen with a lot of froze food and felt super excited (no pun intended!). So I went home.

At one point I watched The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on my laptop. (Luckily I didn’t need to use Internet for this.) I am still amazed how Hollywood could muster 3 long movies out of a tiny little children’s book. If J. R. R. Tolkien could see this he’d laugh so bad.

And of course there was another thing that I did during this 24-hour period: I wrote this blog post! Now I needed that Internet guy to come and install the thing so that I can post this entry, didn’t I? Hopefully with this new life in Oklahoma City, I would find many things to share and have the time to share them. Please pray for me so that I’d live. 

Are There Friends Who Care?

Where can we find the friends who care?

As someone who has been studying abroad for the last 8 years, I have no family to depend on. Both of my families, they are so far away there is nothing they can do. So in order to survive, I seek friends.

I know what a good friend is, and I try to be the best one possible. I go “above and beyond” in friendships like an enthusiastic entrepreneur going about his business. I am there when people need me, offer helps before they ask, and give nice gifts on occasions (and doing other stuff a friend does to – you get the point).

My best friend in school told me that he’s so sad I had to leave in a week, and then spent that last week traveling away with his boyfriend. My lovely American sister to whom I keep sending nice gifts one day finally asked me for my address, only to mail me a sales catalog from her job.

Sometimes I would go down my phone’s contact list and send people text messages. But there will surely never anyone does that back to me. And letters, too. The only people who would feel like sending me things are State Farm, Papa John, and my sister.

My face cries out for attentions. Hello! Can you care about me too? Love me, please! 

But my eyes see people walk right by. Everyone has their family to whine on, and their American friends to befriend with. Who needs a peculiar and uncivilized foreigner? All of my feelings, concerns, and efforts turn out to be simply unwanted. “It’s so nice of you to do all that, now move along!”

Should I keep it to myself and put on a nice mask? Should I think that the people I have known so far are apathetic and I should keep looking for “better” ones? Or should I stop caring and trying for others because the only problem here is me loving my friends and caring for them so much? Am I too terrible of a person to be loved? The way I see it, Christians are solemnly marching to Heaven in silence. I try to make conversations with some but no one was interested.

Where do you find the friends who care?