A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 2

Day… month…year…
I had to do an informative speech today. It was decisive – to lift my grade up. And I did it well. Every one was surprised, and the speech was chosen to be the example for years later…
But I wasn’t surprised. I had tried really hard. I had practiced so many times. And… there were you who prayed for it. How could I do badly? How could I?
You are just the sweetest girl ever, Orchid. Thank you.
Day… month…year…
Today one of my Vietnamese high school friends, BS, got angry with me because I couldn’t get her a fine picture of myself. Well, I supposed I should have stored some in my laptop then. :)
In the afternoon, there was a big tornado coming by. We had to move to the basement for an hour. The rain was big, as the tornado came. I wondered what’d happen if it blew up my room? That would be sad. I’d lost the pictures which were just for you. I’d have to buy a new laptop, to …copy your pictures again… That’d be sad.
But, I was warm in the basement because of the coat. Thank you.
Day… month…year…
Today you told me there was a guy who liked you. He asked you your name and your cell phone number. Then he wrote a whole post in his forum about you. “He is crazy” – you told me. No, he is not crazy at all, Orchid! I am the one who had been writing about you also. And I just kept thinking about you all the time. You are just so amazing, Orchid. I can do anything just to make you happier, and so did him.
“I hate that guy!” But I couldn’t tell. Would I just be a smiling guy to you forever? Wouldn’t I - some day - become someone else?
Day… month…year…

After three months, it’s now time for me to have a haircut. And so today, I tried to cut my own hair – the first time ever! Well, it was not easy – for sure. Well, I was glad that I still had both of my ears, and saved 12 usd. :D Kool.
Day… month…year…
It’s Thanksgiving. The cafeteria was closed for the break, so I had to get some food to survive for that. I just don’t like cooking, so I went to Wal-Mart to buy cookies, chips, and two big boxes of …donuts. The donut tasted really weird, and even worse than the one in the cafeteria! After few days, they were all out of date, and when I took a bite, the is-now-crunchy donut was just broken into pieces and fell allover everywhere! It’s sick. Well, it was lucky when my roommate enjoyed cooking, and he fed me for Thanksgiving. Thanks, Phat.
Day… month…year…
So you have your boyfriend now, Orchid. He is good looking, with a stylish hair. He can even do windmill, can’t he? And he is…right there beside you, good enough to make you become RainY. My Orchid’s disappeared already… It’s bitterly sad for me, but it’s fine. I’ll just be a smiling guy then. I won’t show you my blog also. Everything is just a memory for me to remember, and for you to forget. I’ll just continue to find my Dark Elf, the girl who’s only for me. Will it be possible? Where are you, my Dark Elf?
Day… month…year…
There was a food show tonight – a cultural event for UCM international students to make their traditional food. So we Vietnamese gathered at Chau’s house to make spring-rolls and goi ga (Vietnamese chicken salad). I didn’t cook but helped a little bit. We were done at last.
There were a lot of people and food there. How was it? I have no idea, since I was the one who stood there and served food to people. It was 100 times I said “these are spring-rolls”, 18 times for “no, it’s not sausage” and 76 times for “this is chicken salad, do you want to try some?” Never mind. I just made it up. Who would count for such a thing? Lol.
When I was done serving, all the food elsewhere was gone too. Surprisingly, some Thai girls stood next to me gave me some Thai food to eat! Wow. Two new things for the night: Thai food is so delicious; and Thai girls are nice and cute. :D
Some pictures for that day:

Ms. Ngoc and me

Ms.Chau and me
Day… month…year...
Today I played dodge ball- the first time ever! The only thing I had known before that was a movie about it. It was really scary when I came to the gym. There were a bunch of big people walking around and throwing balls at each other. However we still played at last. Their team had five huge guys and other five huge girls. We had only three skinny guys and the rest were girls. (Yeah, except Phat – my roommate, none of us had ever played it before!)
What happened next was completely …predictable: we totally lost. But no one was hurt, and we got a real big fun. It was great, and I’d like to play it again someday.
Day… month…year…
The finals were over now. It was good to have some credits. A semester’s passed me pretty quickly, and I haven’t done much. There’d be nowhere like Petra last year.
My American family invited me to return to Montana for Christmas. It was so kool until my host mom called me at one night, and told me that the car was full of Paige’s stuffs, and I might bring a …bag. Oh dear! I was going to stay for three weeks with only a bag?! That’s …interesting! I had to use all of my creativity to figure out what to bring, and all of my muscles to… squeeze those stuff into a backpack. And it was done! Pretty surprising for me. (and hilarious also.)
So I headed to Montana now. Since I was protected, everything had been fine, and it’d be just fine no matter what.
By the way, I am still alive.

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Related Topic:

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 1

...and then, I changed

Simply slacking around, then one day woke up, I saw everything changed…
I woke up after a really long sleep. Immediately I was stunned: it was 10h55’ – I had missed my math class, and I had 5 minutes left to get to the health class! “Oh, dear!” I laughed so hard at myself, to see how slacking I was. But I did manage somehow to get to class seven minutes later, wondered why those things happened everyday like that.
But it wasn’t like other days. Everywhere was smoothly white, and love appeared from nowhere, now spread allover… It was snow! All the memories of Montana just came back at the same time, only to remember something else. “Oh yeah, it’s my …birthday, isn’t it.”
Then I turned to be eighteen years old. No more a little me, no more my teen age. I stepped to a new period, to be able to feel my new strength, new responsibility. Time did pass fast, didn’t it? It’s eighteen years passing by at a glance, and I just stood there, could not cling to anything.
My little sad feeling was soon faded by caring of the others. I got sweet messages from family and friends everywhere, even some presents too! I was really surprised and touched. It’s so kool. I am cared!
Thank you, Mom. It is eighteen years that you have taken care of me. Who I am today, what I know and can do today, it was you that help me all, with your love and kindness. Thank you also, father.
Thank you, cousin “Nhặt Banh Vứt Kẹo”. You were the one who first said “Happy birthday” to me. That’s not all there is to it. We have been friends for years, since we were little kids. My childhood has you walked all over, Minh. Thank you.
Thank you, Dark Orc! So you remembered my birthday at last, huh? That’s cool. You know, your message is one thing I looked forward to the most. Thank you, my best friend.
Thank you, Jenny. I still don’t get your card, but I got your caring already. I am so glad.
Thank you BS, my long-term enemy. Our relationship is just …insulting to me. How many times we’ve made each other mad? I can’t count for sure. But despite all of that, I am still cared by you. Pleasure, BS.
Thank you, Trang. We haven’t known each other much, but you still remember my birthday. Awesome, girl. The song you sent was surprisingly good. So pleased to be your dance partner.
Thank you my other friends. All of your messages are really sweet.
And so, I turn out be a new person – gladly, with caring, love and snow.
Happy birthday, DK.

tHERE & Here

There is a place where…
…my little brother wants to make an Origami dinosaur but he can’t. And he said: “If only Big Brother was here…” The dinosaur, it’s too easy, really easy, but I am not there to help him.
It is where…
…my grandparents think about me everyday, worrying if I am doing ok. They are really weak; I am not there to take care of them.
In that place…
…my best friend gets struggle in his life. He becomes so depressed and lonely. And I am not there to share with him the pain, or make him feel better.
Still there…
…I had my break-dance class. The teacher, the classmates were so nice and I learned a lot. I am not there to continue it.
And that place is where…
…my love exists. But someone has taken it away, and I am not there to protect it.
I am here, in the US. I am not there. I am not in Vietnam.
It is that in our lives, we always have to give up something, in order to achieve something else. What I am after is big, is important. But also, I have left so many things behind. Regardless it’s right or wrong, it’s indeed where pains spread out, covering all over the body. “Continue to try, continue to fight…” and to realize clearer where I myself belong to…
…Vietnam, the land of caring and love…

Kẻ xấu xa

Người con gái nói:

- Ở cạnh anh, em thấy vui. Cạnh em, anh thấy bình yên.
Thế là đủ, phải không?

Người con trai nói:

- May be we have different way to show off our feelings , but those're the same meaning ... We love each other ...
…

Tôi không phải là cô gái ấy – đương nhiên, trời ơi! Tôi cũng không phải người con trai ấy. Chẳng là ai cả trong tình yêu của họ. Nhưng, tôi lại là người thứ ba.

Đau! Trong khỏanh khắc của sự bất chợt là nỗi đau kéo đến và kí ức tràn về. Người con gái ấy, xuất hiện trong đời tôi nhẹ nhàng và bình thản. Trong những ngày tháng khó khăn của đời sinh viên nơi xứ người đã không làm tôi trùn bước, khi mỗi tối lại được gặp em. “Gặp em” cũng chỉ là chat với em trên mạng thôi, đơn giản thế thôi nhưng là cả con người tôi thay đổi. Tôi cố gắng bắt chuyện, nghĩ ra đủ thứ để nói với em. Tôi trở thành 1 thằng đi sưu tầm truyên cười lúc nào không hay. Cố gắng tập luyện mỗi ngày cũng chỉ để trở thành 1 breakdancer xứng đáng với em. Tôi trở thành 1 người bạn mới của em. Nhưng tiếng yêu vẫn chưa thể cất lời.

Em bước chân vào đại học với bao lời nhắn nhủ của tôi, để rồi mọi thứ trở nên đổi khác. Người con trai kia mang hạnh phúc của em đến, và hi vọng của tôi đi mất. Tôi ngồi lặng cả người vì choáng, và đau xót tột cùng.

“ Thôi thì mừng cho em đã có hạnh phúc vậy.”

“ Người dễ dàng như thế thì đâu có xứng đáng với cậu đâu! Tiếc gì!”

“ Thôi thì DK tìm một người khác đi DK!”
…

Những lời nói bên tai chỉ trở nên càng lúc càng vô nghĩa. Tình cảm đâu phải là 1 thứ dễ từ bỏ được! Ôi, bao nhiêu chuyện tình đã được đọc, bao nhiêu người thất tình đã được biết, nhưng khi chính bản thân trở thành người thứ ba thì tim mới thắt lại và lòng mới quặn đau. Cơ thể run lên, toàn bộ sức lực cơ bắp dồn ép trong người muốn thoát ra và phá tan mọi thứ. Cổ họng trở nên khô đắng, vẫn muốn thét lên thật to…

Và tôi vẫn ngồi đây. Chỉ ngôì đây để nhìn người mình thương yêu bị người ta cướp mất mà chẳng làm gì được. Cảm thấy rõ ràng sự bất lực của bản thân, tôi đành kìm nén lại. Tự biết rằng không nên đấm vỡ màn hình laptop. Những dòng blog của 2 người vẫn cứ sẽ y nguyên thôi.

Ôi, thế là ghen! Tôi trở thành 1 thằng khùng, ghen tuông tức giận vì tình yêu rồi. Nghĩ xấu về những kẻ ghen tuông trước kia sao? Để bây giờ nhìn lại mình mà buồn rười rượi. Thì ra mình là 1 người xấu, không xứng đáng có hạnh phúc à.

Nghe người ta nói, thật bất hạnh cho những ai không thể cho người ta biết mình yêu họ thế nào. Thôi thì kẻ xấu đành nhận sự bất hạnh, Sẽ mãi chỉ là 1 người bạn của em thôi, 1 thằng khùng toàn kể em nghe những câu chuyện xàm rồi cười toe cười toét vậy.

- What are you doing? – ông bạn cùng phòng bỗng cất tiếng hỏi.

- Well, nothing…

Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi

Cuộc đời cứ mãi thế, bình thản cuốn trôi mọi thứ, để ta mãi nhìn theo, mãi cố níu kéo trong vô vọng để rồi tiếc nuối không nguôi. Đành phải đi thôi, trở mình thành làn gió nhẹ, mãi trôi…

Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi. Chẳng là những cơn gió hiện lên để cuốn vào những câu chuyện buồn cùng cây và lá. Chẳng thể nào trở thành như thế, cũng chẳng bao giờ muốn trở thành như thế. Chỉ là một cơn gió nhẹ thỏang qua người ta, len lỏi trong kẽ tóc để lại tiếp tục bay đi. Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi. Không lá, và cũng không cây.

Sẽ cứ thổi mãi thôi, chẳng thể ngừng. Cứ thế trôi giữa dòng đời nếu như chẳng gặp lan. Chẳng là cây, chẳng là lá, chỉ là những đường nét thong thả, giản đơn mà đẹp lạ lùng. Bất chợt nhận ra sự bình yên, niềm hạnh phúc và hoài bão lớn lao bấy lâu ngủ vùi, nay bùng lên giữa vòng xoay của số phận.

Nhành hoa lan ấy, nhành hoa xanh biếc như màu của bầu trời lấp lánh bên trên, vẫn tiếp tục dòng trôi của riêng mình. Lan vẫn đi học, vẫn làm việc, và vẫn chat vào mỗi tối. Chỉ khác là có thêm một làn gió luôn chờ đợi. Làn gió ấy, với bộ mặt màu xanh ấy, phùng phùng, ngớ ngẩn hết biết.

Không chỉ ngớ ngẩn ở khuôn mặt thôi, tình cảm của gió đã bị dính chặt vào bông hoa ấy rồi. Sẽ chỉ vui khi lan vui, và mãi đau lòng nếu lan khóc. Bùng lên mãnh liệt cùng sự sống của mùa xuân, làn gió ấy mong đến ngày, có thể cuốn được bông hoa ấy đi cùng. Có gió có lan, sự bình yên sẽ là mãi mãi.

Sự trớ trêu chợt lướt qua, vô tình để lại một con điệp bên cạnh hoa lan, ngay sát bên…

Gió cứ phải trôi mãi, mỗi ngày trôi không ngừng nghỉ, để rồi một ngày thấy lan đi học về trên xe buýt, gục đầu ngủ yên bên vai của điệp. Sững người. Hạnh phúc vụt đến chỉ để lại vụt đi nhanh hơn. Chẳng thể làm gì được, chỉ là một cơn gió thôi mà.

…Có một loài hoa bóng đêm…
…hát thầm thì trong trái tim…
…những lời thầm sâu như mắt em…
..nung nấu lòng tôi…!

Giọng hát của Lê Hiếu cứ thế cất lên bên tai gió. Gục ngã.

Ai nói rằng tình yêu xuất phát từ tim? Tim nằm ở bên trái, nhưng cơn đau ở giữa ngực gió thắt lại, len lỏi đến cổ họng chẳng thể thở được. Tập luyện mỗi ngày để làm gì, cơ thể vẫn đổ xuống trong vô vọng.

Những dự tính, những ước mơ hoài bão khép lại, chẳng bao giờ có thể nói ra nữa được.

Chỉ là 1 cơn gió thôi, 1 cơn gió với khuôn mặt màu xanh ngớ ngẩn.

I hate Yahoo

There are many bad things around, but Yahoo should be the worst, especially Y!Messenger.
One time I was chatting with Orchid, and she told me she just bought a new cap. When she was going to show me her picture with it, my Y!M immediately signed out. O.0!!!! What the…! I quickly signed in again, and she was still there. It’s really awkward to ask her to share the picture twice, but I did. This time, the loading bar didn’t work =.=, though it was only 10Kb! The picture was right there but I couldn’t do anything to get it.
Only thing I could get was:T_____T’ That time, my body was shaking in anger. Arghhhhhhhhh!!!
One crazy Y!M is a problem, but both Y!M are crazy should be a tragedy. And Orchid’s Y!M was crazy – even crazier than mine =.=. One time, her Y!M suddently signed out, I thought she was busy, so I said goodbye to her. The next day I turned my laptop on, I saw messages of her – from the day before:
Orchid: oh, you are busy now 
Orchid: good bye 
Orchid: see you later :)
===.=== … poor me.
When we chat to each other, sentences got lost became so usual. Sometime I asked her sth, then waited for half an hour till she said: “don’t you say anything?” =.= It is not good. It is really dangerous indeed. What’d happen if someday, I… propose her…, and Y!M turn to be crazy again? … It is bad.
I hate Y!M Hate it a lot. ARGHHH!!!!
But, I even love it more.
It is Yahoo that has been helping me for years. It’s because of Y!M that I can see my DF, I can talk with my family, my friends… And, everything I could do for our relationship depends on Yahoo totally.
Thank you, a lot. Because of Y!M, and also 360.
This semester, anytime I was in trouble, or be depressed, I couldn’t do anything else but write a new entry. I’d see my friends again, and ‘d realize that I am cared.
There was something Orchid doesn’t know, it’s this blog. Despite of anything, I DO want to show her this blog – when the time comes. I don’t know when, but it’d not come soon. And, since I have been waiting for that moment, the Yahoo!inc. just decides to start Mash, and give up 360! “The beginning of 2008”- only few more months, this blog will be gone, along with my hopes, my efforts, my loves, my memories… Oh, how unlucky! How harsh!
I love Yahoo. And I hate it too.
--------------------

Author's note:

If you find this post confusing, it's because I wrote this, along with other posts, originally from my 360 page. I've said about it on my very first post here.

Just another effort...

Since time keeps passing by, and things keep being changed, we have to try our best everyday to survive. Not every effort will get good result, we all know it. But when it does, it’d be great.
It’s just a normal day when I accepted to help the council of the building I lived, to make the banner for the “Homecoming” event. When I said I would draw it, they screamed and jumped around excitedly. “Wow”, I was surprised, “I’d better try my best then. =.=’ ” One woman gave me the material, which was a …huge bed cover (to draw at O.0!!!)

I had to draw something about football, and a mule. (A mule is a child of female horse and male donkey. It’s also the mascot of UCM -my school.). I had to show how strong the mule was, so I tried using …superheroes’ images! I had the picture in my mind, but the banner was really big for me. In fact, it was the biggest picture I’d ever made. It was so big that I had to …creep around to draw, and when my elbow avoided touching the lines I just did, my feet messed another part behind me T_T.

After a while, it was done. Phew! I know it doesn’t look really fancy, but I tried a lot. Here it is:

Few days later, the banner was colored exactly as I advised, and they did a really good job. Our banner won the first place after that. Kool.

(The final product. The superheroes are: Captain America, Super Man, Flash, Batman, The Hulk and Spider Man^^)

Then I saw something on the door of my room. It’s from the hall council.

Well, Orchid said the banner was nice. I’m glad. One effort was done, letting many following others.

Sometimes, good results come to one who tried. Enjoy it, to be able to try more, and fight more…

It's time to change

(I write the things below as a serious person. It’s not a joke. And I’ll accept all the criticisms)
Every day sign in to Y!M, I saw people discussing about Nhật Kí Va`ng Anh. Many messages, so many attitudes, so many opinions. Well, it’s an adult movie, then. So what? Isn’t it that so many XXX movies have been being sold everyday, everywhere, even in Vietnam (though illegally)? I feel funny when everyone freak out and despite the film. Many people get involve in one problem which is not strange. Having sex basically is not bad. It’s only bad when people do it inappropriately and irresponsibly. Because of some old cultural affection, that now we feel disgusted with it. To me, we are not close-minded, but we are fake. Just look at the statistic: many people want to see it, and they tell the others how they despite it. Consequently, legal XXX movies would never be accepted, and the illegal ones would still be expanded. And obviously, no thing would be fixed.
Why don’t we look at the situation at a different attitude? It’s time to classify movies, based on ages and characteristics? I don’t want Vietnamese children to see horror and violent movies - which are considered “Parent guardian” or “Restricted” in other places. I don’t want Vietnamese parents to freak out with XXX movies, because of being worried for their children. A good classification is really necessary for us this time, and for our following generations in the future.
There are things to keep, things to learn, and things to be changed. And the important thing here is self-responsibility.

Origami Supreme !!!

“Origami” is a Japanese art of folding paper to make some shapes of animals, humans and a lot of other stuff. I was about six or seven when my mom gave me my first origami book. The book was about dinosaurs, and it amazed me a lot. But I was still too young for it; therefore I needed help from my mom. I still remember the days that my mom, my cousin Minh and me gathered together to figure out how to do it. It had a lot of fun, until my mom and cousin Minh gave up. Only me left to try alone, until the day I achieved it. Origami since then became one for my favorites, especially folding dinosaurs.

It was such a long time from now, and my old hobby once again revives. Let me show you some of them. Hope you’d like them.

Note: ALL of them are John Montrol's inventions; I JUST made them based on books.
ALL of them were made by only one uncut-square paper. :)

Part 1: DINOSAURS

STRUTHIOMIMUS

(It was hard to make him stand only on his legs :D)

KUEHNEOSAURUS

ELASMOSAURUS (he is little Pi-su in one Doraemon manga, remember? ^^)

RHAMPHORYNCHUS (one of my favorites- I can memorize folding it)

(the stick on his back is not included)

DIMETRODON

BRACHIOSAURUS

(I memorize him also)

TYRANNOSAURUS

(he doesn’t look so scary, right? :D)

APATOSAURUS

Some other ones. They are more intense to fold.
TANYSTROPHEUS

(He is the longest – even longer than the original paper!!!)

TRICERATOPS

STEGOSAURUS
Yeah, that’s it. :)

Special thanks for mom and miss Ngoc.

And THANK ALL of YOU for watching. Will be CONTINUED.

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Related topics:

Origami Extreme - Part 02 !!! - Convention
Origami Extreme - Part 03 !!! - Dragons
Origami Extreme - Part 04 !!! - The Winged World
Origami Extreme - Part 05 !!! - People of Humanity
Origami Extreme - Part 06 !!! - Dogs
Origami Extreme - Part 07!!! - Cats
Origami Extreme - Part 08 !!! - The Little Birds

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 1

Month… date… year…

Today was crazy. The computers of US immigration department didn’t work until 6 hours being fixed. Therefore I missed my next flight to Kansas City. They gave me a “standing by” ticket, and I’d get stuck here forever.

Sorry Mom. There’s no free wireless here for me to use the internet. The telephone card here is so stupid that it didn’t let me call home for a second. Please don’t be so worried. I’ll get to UCM soon. I promise! ...

Month… date… year…

I decided to stop playing some games with my friends, in order to come to my room early – to chat with you.

DK: Are you there?
Orchid: Yea :D
…

And it was my happy day. You wouldn’t ever understand.

Month… date… year…

Today I promised to Orchid that I would perform popping in the Cultural night on spring. So from now on, I have to take it seriously. I know I’m not so good at popping as your Korean guys. But I’ll keep practicing. It doesn’t matter if I won’t get good result. It’s that I will have tried my best, because of me – because of you.

Month… date… year…

I was really sad and jealous when Orchid always put a pretty Korean boy to be her avatar. So today I decided to do something fun.

I used Wd Paint to draw a picture of a “guy” with a sick face of Y!M, and had the same situation, same clothes, same background as her avatar (except the face – of course). It was not easy for sure, I use Paint and hers was a real picture.

It took me a lot of time, and I finished it at last. I was so happy, and I hope you would find it interesting also.

You were online. I showed you my new avatar. You laughed and told me it was so ugly, and didn’t look like hers. Then you quickly changed to another guy’s picture. How sad I was, you would never know! Not every effort will get the result which it deserves.

The angel of the Wind (Thần Gió) had his own “green-face” image since then.

Month… date… year…

Today I decided to have a new roommate – for the fact that I had to. So it was Phat – the Vietnamese guy who was living near by. He became my new roommate.
Since now on, I have someone to laugh with (and to laugh at)…
I have someone to say “good night”
It’s good. :) Welcome, brod.

Month… date… year…

I haven’t met Orchid online for 2 days. Why don’t you answer me something? Anything? Or… you’ve forgot’n me already?

Month… date… year…

Today I became a super moderator of PNS forum. It was what I had wanted before. But now, all the administrators are gone, as well as other moderators. There was only me now, trying to maintain the website day by day, hopelessly. I don’t know. Maybe I’d be gone soon, also. Can I help to maintain something, when my own pain doesn’t have its cure? I am sorry. So depressed.

Month… date… year…

Today I bought a pirate sword at Wal-Mart for the coming Halloween. It was only 4usd, and it was really kool. At midnight, I carried the sword around and pretended to be a security guard. There was a woman saw that, and was scared. She decided to call the community advisers about that. They thought it was a REAL sword until I showed them a line “made in China” on it. It was so funny! I’m lovin’ it!!!

Month… date… year…

I went back to my room at 7h30 pm after finishing my last class for the day. I suddenly looked up to the sky, and realized that the moon was so full, and so bright! Wow, it’s like years since the last time I had looked at the moon like that. Oh, that’s right! Today is full moon, isn’t it?

I felt a little bit sad, a little bit lonely… Maybe you were hanging out with your friends. That’s why you let me wait forever here tonight.

Nothing fun. Only being annoyed by big Phat. Oh, how I hate moon festival!…

Month… date… year…

Today I wrote a new blog entry. Since my second last day of breakdancing class, I started writhing more often – usually when I was deeply sad…

….when you weren’t online.

I know, you will not be online to me anymore. But I’ll keep writing my blog, try not to write about you. I'll forget you soon, some day.

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Related topic:

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 2

...miss you so much...

Love in the ice

…Daremo ga dare ka ni aisareru tameni

Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa…

The song gets stuck in my head now. “Love in the ice”, the first Korean song ever that I listen to. TVXQ should be really special and …lucky (!). Why this song and why these guys?...

I was trying to concentrate on practicing the speech for the class tomorrow, but I could not. The song was still there and became louder. I tried to push it away but …I was just absorbed to it…

…Sore ga moshimo boku nara
Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo
Towa no yasashisa de atatameruyo …


The sentences were so good, so …dangerous. I felt myself more and more become the man in the song… Am I in …

…love?

If it was me… I would make your heart once again… warm with eternal tenderness… What the song said become what I was thinking, murmuring in my head. Your heart was right there, and I wanted to hug it so much. But, though very sweet, you were so cold. And I was frozen - spiritually.

The room was getting cold, but my mind was much colder. I could do some pushups to make my body warm. What could I do to cure my heart?

…Bokura wa kizukusa
Kurushii hodo ni tsuyoku kanji ya eru
Hito no nukumori…

Did you feel my love? Would you ever feel it, someday? I was right there, always there. I wanted to cover you with my warmth…really much…

…Setsunai hodo
Utsukushii ai dakara
Hakanai hodo
Uruwa shii
Kono toki wo…

Am I good enough to be yours? Should I – let you know my mind, and my love – too?

You like TVXQ so much. They are perfect. They have practiced a lot. They deserve what they have. I know. I sure know. I would never ever be equal to them. But, you know, I care about you and they don’t.

I’ll be a good man who can make you happy. I will.

Boku ga mamoru- I promise!!!

The Old Folks of Mine

Today is September 14th. So it’s been exactly ten years since the day my grand-mother died. Until now I can still remember pretty clearly that day. My family rushed to Hanoi to see her. She was lying there on her bed, while my Mom and her sister-in-law cried so hard beside her. I cried too. As a seven-year-old kid, I didn’t believe that she was dead. I hoped that she would wake up again, smile with me tenderly and kiss me on my forehead. But she never wakes up again, though I kept waiting. The mother of my father left me since then, forever.

And I think about my grand-father. It’s ten years that he lived alone. It would be really, really sad and lonely. Not any more Grandma for him to talk with, to take care and to be taken care. Sorry Grandpa! I am a bad grandson that had not visited you for years until last summer. And you didn’t complain anything. You smiled and told me to study hard as uncle Ho said.

And I think about my grand parents – my Mom’s parents. My family used to live with them, and my entire childhood would just be with them. There were days that my grandma stood for hours with me, to help her little grandson finish his meal. There were months that I got stuck with my grandpa’s math exercises, got stuck with his love. And there were more…

Later then, we didn’t live with my grandparents anymore. Every time I came to visit them, they seemed so happy. And I wasn’t that happy. I felt a little tired when listening to grandpa’s old stories, or his advises. I even felt really sad when my grandma touched my face, and complained how ugly am I. T_T Well, that’s all what I have, grandma.

And now I am here for college, leaving the three of them at the far home. I could feel how sad they were when I was gonna leave. I now can feel how much they miss me. They love me a lot. And I never love them that much.

“I am sorry. Four years is a long time, I know. I don’t know if I can see any of you again. Please keep your health carefully and drink a lot of water as I said. Please don’t be worried. I am fine!”

Time just passes by, and people just die,

Families hook up, and they all cry…

StarCraft - Forever more...

During these years, game market has been increased surprisingly. Many new games appear, while many others were just simply kicked out. And it affects the society of gamers significantly. People rush to find kooler, more exciting one. Living among this situation, can we possibly find an-everlasting-game for ourselves? Yes. For me, it’s not anything else but StarCraft.

How long for a good game to survive? Can people play a game in years –still interestedly? But it was suprising, when I think about StarCraft. The first time I saw the game, I was only six or seven (so it should be about 10 years ago!). I came over to Duc’s house, and he was playing it. At that time, computer wasn’t even popular. And StarCraft was there, how incredible!

But I hadn’t involved in the game much, until I got my first computer when I was in grade sixth – it’s in 2000 -7 years ago. I was interested so much, that I played it in all my free time! I was n’t good at typing, but I was so good at …typing StarCraft cheat codes. Now I still remember them clearly, though haven’t used them for a long time.

It was so kool when I met one of my classmate – Long. He was so crazy of playing the game, and we therefore stucked to each other. For my whole life studying in Tran Dai Nghia school, maybe I remember most about our “campaign”- rush for spots. In every afternoon, when the bell rang to finish the school, we –including Long, Lam, Khoi,… and me – ran our best to the game store (or whatever you call it). It was incredible! The entire TDN’s junior hight school-boys rushed to the computers – which were only about 30 spots! How happy we were when we all could sit down and play together after all. And, we played StarCraft while people around us shooting each other (in Counter Strike game).:D

There are three teams in StarCraft that they call “races”. Terran with its human army, high tech-weapons and vehicles. Zerg, my favorite at that time, has various kinds of …gross monster. (It was really fast and strategic, though) The last one is Protoss, the mysterious clan of alien with kool auras. The three races are equally powerful, and it was totally based on the gamer to win or lose.

But it was 10 years from now. People are attracted by series of online-game, and StarCraft seems to be forgotten. But it is not. Still, there are bunch of people play the game with each other, even online with a suprising number. StarCraft was still played in the latest WCG. And, it now becomes even much more awesome when Blizzard declared that “StarCraft II is coming”!!!

The last thing I want to say, I love so many things. And I love StarCraft also.

A2 PN-Cấp 3 xa vời

Cuộc đời của mỗi người dài cả mấy chục năm, nhưng có những giai đọan chỉ vài năm thôi, đã trở thành bước ngoặt. Ba năm cấp 3 vừa qua chính là một khỏang thời gian “để đời” như vậy.

Lớp chúng ta đã gặp nhau như là 1 sự …hài hước của Thượng Đế. Lớp A2 là 1 tổ hợp của những người “vui tính” đến trình độ tối cao đáng sợ. :) Chúng ta đã quen nhau lâu ra sao, chơi vui thế nào, học cực làm sao… DK không cần đề cập đến. Chúng ta đều hiểu rõ và sẽ nhớ kĩ.

Nói ra thì, 1 người “xàm vô đối” như DK cũng được các bạn …”chứa chấp” cũng là điều may mắn. Thầy Hoan cũng thật là tuyệt vời khi sống sót sau 3 năm dung túng bốn mươi mấy phần tử xấu của xã hội. :)) (đọc đến đây mà bạn nào quá tức giận thì cũng đừng nên …tức giận quá nữa ^^) Thế là lần đầu tiên trong suốt 10 năm học, DK đã tự nhủ “hôm nay mình được đi học!” o.0 Chuyện cứ như đùa, phải không?

Trình độ “quởn” của DK vốn đã rất cao đã trở nên …rất rất cao (!), khi tiếp xúc với DW (Trường Giang), DO (Quốc Thảo) và DD(Nhật Anh –đúng hông ta? Quên tên thằng này rồi ^^). 4 thằng “chụm” lại mà nên DF- thiên hạ đệ nhất nhảm nhí Guild ^^. Được 1 thời gian thì kick thằng DD mà thêm vào bạn DN (P. Anh Tuấn …đẹp dzai). DF cũng đã tham gia thi đá cầu, làm thiệp, chạy… Đã rất cố gắng dù chẳng được quà cáp gì (nói đến cái này là sôi máu koo Đức Anh=.=’) nhưng “xôm là chính”. Nghĩ lại cũng là do …khoái lớp mình quá, muốn làm 1 cái gì đó… Mọi người nghĩ sao cũng được.

Vậy mà DK-vì duyên số- đã phải out đi chỗ khác, không thể tiếp tục “đú với nhau” cùng các bạn. 1 năm xa mọi người cũng là khi các bạn đang è nhau mà học – lớp 12 mà, phải không? Chỉ đơn giản là “1 năm” thôi, nhưng sao nhiều cái xảy ra quá! Ngồi 1 mình ở bàn học mà nghĩ không biết cô dạy Văn “ghê” là ghê thế nào; các bạn đi Đà Lạt sao vui quá mà không có mình …

Trở về, thấy các bạn đang đương đầu với kì thi ĐH mà cũng lo lây. Đến khi thi xong, tưởng vui lại buồn hơn. Mọi người bắt đầu tan rã… Ngạc nhiên nhất là bạn Quỳnh chẳng hiểu vì cớ gì mà lại ghét DK vô tận… Nhìn cái áo lớp mà thấy tên mình mãi phía dưới, ngay vị trí “bỏ áo trong quần” – thấy buồn buồn mà tếu tếu…

Bây giờ nhiều bạn bắt đầu ngồi nghĩ lại và tiêc nuối. Chắc có cả khóc nữa. Ngồi đọc những dòng blog đó mà buồn cho chính mình. Chẳng phải mình là người nuối tiếc không nguôi những điều thế này 1 năm trước sao? – thế mà vẫn phải gắng chịu 1 mình sao? Nói ra thì, DK sẽ không bao giờ có thể hiểu được năm 12 các bạn đã học cực khổ thế nào, cũng như chơi vui ra sao… Bỏ qua chuyện “đi được là sướng rồi còn nói gì nữa”, thì chẳng phải là DK đã BỎ LỠ quá nhiều thứ - lớp 12 đáng nhớ mà các bạn đang tiếc đó- sao?

Buồn và tiếc đến đau lòng. DK sẽ lại rất nhớ mọi người. Mong các bạn luôn vui vẻ và hạnh phúc.

Love you all…

Pretty girls - everywhere...

I used to believe in true love. Pretty girls wouldn’t attract me so easily, as I believed – they were everywhere. With the deep pain I already had, who would be able to make me pay attention at?
But then you came, along with new thoughts, new pain…
I saw you in a break-dancing class, and I was surprised. You were so pretty. Your clothes were stylish, and one of your ears had three earrings!
I tried not to care about you. I knew that I would never be able to have a “chance”. You were not really special anyway. Pretty girls were everywhere.
So I didn’t even look at you, but focused in …showing some kids how to do windmill. And you, didn’t care about anything but practicing your moves. You were staying alone, talking to no one. How serious you were! You were not just “cool” but “cold”!
And so, the time passed by. Nothing happened… until yesterday…
None of my little students wanted to practice hollow-back. So once again, I looked at you. You were still …”you”, standing separately from the others. I didn’t know how, but the more serious you were, the more attractive you became! You seemed to be a gorgeous angel shining everything around you. And I was attracted.
I should never ever involve any more, but you were practicing “1st wave”- my best move! And so, yeah, I didn’t understand why, but I started helping you with it.
I was so surprised and even happy when you listened to me, and followed my advices leisurely. The air was easier for me to breath, to look at your face straightly. It was still very beautiful as usual…I smiled, and told you that you did the wave like a robot. Never tell me anything, but at last you smiled back.
You just smiled, and the spring appeared, immediately. At the same time, I felt distinctively happiness, luckiness, and a new hope. Also at that time, I felt sadness, hopelessness, and a pity. All of the various feelings combined together, spread allover my body and exploded. I spiritually collapsed.
I have wasted a lot of time, and I can see you only tomorrow, once and for all. Don’t know what I should do, what I should say. Don’t even have a hope. You will just pass through me as many others. But no one knows, it will be the first time I saw the clearest Dark Elf, an ideal image that DK has been finding, and will keep finding forever.
Who cares about me – a popper?
That’s fine. “Kool girls are everywhere”, right?
Dang it!

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This post started a long list about Orchid, one of the girls came to my life. Please bare with it.

My struggle

I was born in late 20th century, the period that the many historical things had already happened. The war in my country, Vietnam War, was gone years before. Now it's just standing by World War II and others in the gloomy past. How am I supposed to know, to understand all of these?
In Vietnam, I've been taught for years how they happened. I learnt that to destroy the Nazism, the Red Army (Russian) had to fight for many place. Millions of them were killed by the enemies. What they did was much greater than the rest of Allies, and they actually saved the world. V. I. Lenin and Joseph Stalin were great communist leaders.
About my country, I've leant that when the French colonist invaded, many people tried to protect Vietnam but unsuccessfully. And our hero, Ho Chi Minh, appeared. He decided to travel to other countries, to find the right way to protect the country. He alone went to many countries, doing many hard and dangerous jobs to live, as he didn't have any thing. At last, he got the Communist document. Finding it was what he had been searching, he was crying happily.
With his return, Vietnam started connecting with many other Communist countries. With new theories, and friends' help (especially Russia), we succeeded in protecting our country from France, and later, America. Communism and Russia became something so worthy for me. They united weak countries, that we could protect our countries, and duel with others equally.
I came to the US as an exchange student. And, I faced with American history. I started to learn how unbiblical, bloody and terrible the Communism was. I learnt that Stalin was a demon who killed millions of his own people in World War II. And, of course, America was the one who saved the world. Isn't it painful, when you have to write papers saying terrible things about people whom you used to believe as the great heroes? Someone may say: "well, why don't you just write what you really want, and then prove it?" Of course. But dueling with something didn't happen at your time, and books are contradictorily different, is there anything reliable enough for you to prove with?
I will be taught about Vietnam War, again, but americanly. I know my American history teacher will once again smile innocently, and teach us what he was taught, and what read in his books. I will learn how wicked my country was, and how graceful the American was, to come and rescue Vietnam from Communism. And, I will have to write papers with these ideas. I'll have to throw away my belief, my patriotism, in order to have some grades. What is fair? Where is the morality? What kind of jerk will I be? Oh, how painful it will be!
Never can really know what actually happened, nothing can help. Only the pain grows bigger, searching for the cure.

Human Future

We are now staying here, working, earning money. The age of cavemen, in which people working for only food has gone so far. We now need something more. It's entertainment. We need games, we need fashion, we need movies, and much more. For a long time ago, people have been having art. Many kinds of art. And emotions. They make our lives become so colorful, so wonderful, so beautiful, so awesome. But are these pleasurable things everlasting?
I have watched some movies based on some graphic novels illustrated by the Wachowski Brothers, The Matrix Trilogy and V for Vendetta. These movies don't talk directly about future, but not about present, neither. And for me, they are all about future, a future that children born in machines or tubes, and grow up in struggle lives as in the army in wars. What they eat, what they wear are not important. There is no activity but training, fighting, navigating, destroying or being killed. These ideas are familiar to The Terminator, in which humans have to duel with machines, what they created. In these pictures, love and friendship… are treaded. People have to fight for their survivals, day by day. What kind of lives is it? The kind which is even worse than the ancient lives of cavemen! Watching these movies, we could see hazily the emotionless picture of human future, in which people become machines, or even worse, become slaves for machines. There will be no happiness, no love, nothing. Is that the destination, which we are trying, day by day, to have? You know the answer.
It sounds crazy when my discussion is on the evidences of some movies. But based on Picasso, one of the most famous artists in human history, "Art is a lie that makes us realize truth". And I feel what I just said above is not absolutely unreasonable. It could be the truth, the terrible truth that the humanity may unfortunately receive.
So, what is my purpose? Am I trying to tell everyone to entertain more? No. I absolutely don't think so. It's not necessary to have a good conclusion for every discussion, and this is just one personal thought of mine. But the outlook of human future scares me, disappoints me. Our younger generations do not deserve to have it! God bless us!