My struggle

I was born in late 20th century, the period that the many historical things had already happened. The war in my country, Vietnam War, was gone years before. Now it's just standing by World War II and others in the gloomy past. How am I supposed to know, to understand all of these?
In Vietnam, I've been taught for years how they happened. I learnt that to destroy the Nazism, the Red Army (Russian) had to fight for many place. Millions of them were killed by the enemies. What they did was much greater than the rest of Allies, and they actually saved the world. V. I. Lenin and Joseph Stalin were great communist leaders.
About my country, I've leant that when the French colonist invaded, many people tried to protect Vietnam but unsuccessfully. And our hero, Ho Chi Minh, appeared. He decided to travel to other countries, to find the right way to protect the country. He alone went to many countries, doing many hard and dangerous jobs to live, as he didn't have any thing. At last, he got the Communist document. Finding it was what he had been searching, he was crying happily.
With his return, Vietnam started connecting with many other Communist countries. With new theories, and friends' help (especially Russia), we succeeded in protecting our country from France, and later, America. Communism and Russia became something so worthy for me. They united weak countries, that we could protect our countries, and duel with others equally.
I came to the US as an exchange student. And, I faced with American history. I started to learn how unbiblical, bloody and terrible the Communism was. I learnt that Stalin was a demon who killed millions of his own people in World War II. And, of course, America was the one who saved the world. Isn't it painful, when you have to write papers saying terrible things about people whom you used to believe as the great heroes? Someone may say: "well, why don't you just write what you really want, and then prove it?" Of course. But dueling with something didn't happen at your time, and books are contradictorily different, is there anything reliable enough for you to prove with?
I will be taught about Vietnam War, again, but americanly. I know my American history teacher will once again smile innocently, and teach us what he was taught, and what read in his books. I will learn how wicked my country was, and how graceful the American was, to come and rescue Vietnam from Communism. And, I will have to write papers with these ideas. I'll have to throw away my belief, my patriotism, in order to have some grades. What is fair? Where is the morality? What kind of jerk will I be? Oh, how painful it will be!
Never can really know what actually happened, nothing can help. Only the pain grows bigger, searching for the cure.