In the NetFlix show Atypical, a mother had an affair, ended it, then was found out. Her children hated and avoided her. Her husband was disgusted by her. At first, he left, but soon after, problems happened at home so he came back for the children but told her to leave. One of their two children, the show’s protagonist, had autism, and when he was told that his mother had cheated on his father, he nonchalantly commented:
- Wow, it’s the first time I met a person who committed adultery.
Adultery is widely considered an unforgivable sin. When we find out our love partner has cheated on us, we end the relationship. We don’t forgive them. That’s what we do. On the seventh holy bullet point, the Lord has commanded, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” And this may very well be the only thing on which people of both sides would agree with each other these days.
Her husband was a paramedic who was mostly out at work. Her teenage daughter tended to do mean and disrespectful things to her just for the sake of it (saying stuff like, “No one needs you, Mom!”). Her autistic other child, the main character, he, well, had autism. It means two things: first, he was not empathetic to her, and if he didn’t need anything from her, he would tell her to go away. Simply no emotional connection. (There may be different kinds of autism, and some autistic people can be empathetic, I’m not arguing.) Secondly (and much more universally), he needed a lot of accommodations. So “her”, the mother, spent most of her time since he was diagnosed accommodating him. Driving him to see the therapists, listening to whatever he had to tell, doing whatever else to tend to his needs. Adding all the typical housework to that list, and you’d have a person without a life. She spent her days serving her family who did a pretty good job showing her that she was not needed.
By no means I am condoning people having affairs. Still a big NO. People who do that should really be ashamed of themselves and it really is their fault. But who doesn’t want to be needed? Who doesn’t want to be thanked, to be affirmed that they matter? And the ruggedly handsome bartender could do just that. So it happened. A family, wrecked. As long expected.
When I saw how she was disgusted and rejected by her husband and children, I wondered, how about their 20-plus years of marriage, how about all the love, the time, the efforts she had put in their lives: ain’t they amount much at all? Do we abandon all of what we and our loved ones have been through together – all of them – because of one big mistake? Should we though?
Countless people have had affairs. I don’t think they are all sex maniacs. Maybe people cheat because within their own families, they have been neglected, unappreciated, and abandoned. If our spouse was to have an affair, would it be possible that we were, collectively, also at fault? In this story I just told, wasn’t it her husband and children who arguably initiated her adultery?
When our loved ones committed a horrible mistake, it’s probably because we didn’t do something right ourselves. We feel betrayed, but maybe we have betrayed them first.
So the message is to not judge others too hastily. Another message is about the lesser-known Bible verse of 1 Corinthians 6:7b:
“Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?”
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