Kẻ xấu xa

Người con gái nói:

- Ở cạnh anh, em thấy vui. Cạnh em, anh thấy bình yên.
Thế là đủ, phải không?

Người con trai nói:

- May be we have different way to show off our feelings , but those're the same meaning ... We love each other ...
…

Tôi không phải là cô gái ấy – đương nhiên, trời ơi! Tôi cũng không phải người con trai ấy. Chẳng là ai cả trong tình yêu của họ. Nhưng, tôi lại là người thứ ba.

Đau! Trong khỏanh khắc của sự bất chợt là nỗi đau kéo đến và kí ức tràn về. Người con gái ấy, xuất hiện trong đời tôi nhẹ nhàng và bình thản. Trong những ngày tháng khó khăn của đời sinh viên nơi xứ người đã không làm tôi trùn bước, khi mỗi tối lại được gặp em. “Gặp em” cũng chỉ là chat với em trên mạng thôi, đơn giản thế thôi nhưng là cả con người tôi thay đổi. Tôi cố gắng bắt chuyện, nghĩ ra đủ thứ để nói với em. Tôi trở thành 1 thằng đi sưu tầm truyên cười lúc nào không hay. Cố gắng tập luyện mỗi ngày cũng chỉ để trở thành 1 breakdancer xứng đáng với em. Tôi trở thành 1 người bạn mới của em. Nhưng tiếng yêu vẫn chưa thể cất lời.

Em bước chân vào đại học với bao lời nhắn nhủ của tôi, để rồi mọi thứ trở nên đổi khác. Người con trai kia mang hạnh phúc của em đến, và hi vọng của tôi đi mất. Tôi ngồi lặng cả người vì choáng, và đau xót tột cùng.

“ Thôi thì mừng cho em đã có hạnh phúc vậy.”

“ Người dễ dàng như thế thì đâu có xứng đáng với cậu đâu! Tiếc gì!”

“ Thôi thì DK tìm một người khác đi DK!”
…

Những lời nói bên tai chỉ trở nên càng lúc càng vô nghĩa. Tình cảm đâu phải là 1 thứ dễ từ bỏ được! Ôi, bao nhiêu chuyện tình đã được đọc, bao nhiêu người thất tình đã được biết, nhưng khi chính bản thân trở thành người thứ ba thì tim mới thắt lại và lòng mới quặn đau. Cơ thể run lên, toàn bộ sức lực cơ bắp dồn ép trong người muốn thoát ra và phá tan mọi thứ. Cổ họng trở nên khô đắng, vẫn muốn thét lên thật to…

Và tôi vẫn ngồi đây. Chỉ ngôì đây để nhìn người mình thương yêu bị người ta cướp mất mà chẳng làm gì được. Cảm thấy rõ ràng sự bất lực của bản thân, tôi đành kìm nén lại. Tự biết rằng không nên đấm vỡ màn hình laptop. Những dòng blog của 2 người vẫn cứ sẽ y nguyên thôi.

Ôi, thế là ghen! Tôi trở thành 1 thằng khùng, ghen tuông tức giận vì tình yêu rồi. Nghĩ xấu về những kẻ ghen tuông trước kia sao? Để bây giờ nhìn lại mình mà buồn rười rượi. Thì ra mình là 1 người xấu, không xứng đáng có hạnh phúc à.

Nghe người ta nói, thật bất hạnh cho những ai không thể cho người ta biết mình yêu họ thế nào. Thôi thì kẻ xấu đành nhận sự bất hạnh, Sẽ mãi chỉ là 1 người bạn của em thôi, 1 thằng khùng toàn kể em nghe những câu chuyện xàm rồi cười toe cười toét vậy.

- What are you doing? – ông bạn cùng phòng bỗng cất tiếng hỏi.

- Well, nothing…

Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi

Cuộc đời cứ mãi thế, bình thản cuốn trôi mọi thứ, để ta mãi nhìn theo, mãi cố níu kéo trong vô vọng để rồi tiếc nuối không nguôi. Đành phải đi thôi, trở mình thành làn gió nhẹ, mãi trôi…

Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi. Chẳng là những cơn gió hiện lên để cuốn vào những câu chuyện buồn cùng cây và lá. Chẳng thể nào trở thành như thế, cũng chẳng bao giờ muốn trở thành như thế. Chỉ là một cơn gió nhẹ thỏang qua người ta, len lỏi trong kẽ tóc để lại tiếp tục bay đi. Chỉ là một cơn gió thôi. Không lá, và cũng không cây.

Sẽ cứ thổi mãi thôi, chẳng thể ngừng. Cứ thế trôi giữa dòng đời nếu như chẳng gặp lan. Chẳng là cây, chẳng là lá, chỉ là những đường nét thong thả, giản đơn mà đẹp lạ lùng. Bất chợt nhận ra sự bình yên, niềm hạnh phúc và hoài bão lớn lao bấy lâu ngủ vùi, nay bùng lên giữa vòng xoay của số phận.

Nhành hoa lan ấy, nhành hoa xanh biếc như màu của bầu trời lấp lánh bên trên, vẫn tiếp tục dòng trôi của riêng mình. Lan vẫn đi học, vẫn làm việc, và vẫn chat vào mỗi tối. Chỉ khác là có thêm một làn gió luôn chờ đợi. Làn gió ấy, với bộ mặt màu xanh ấy, phùng phùng, ngớ ngẩn hết biết.

Không chỉ ngớ ngẩn ở khuôn mặt thôi, tình cảm của gió đã bị dính chặt vào bông hoa ấy rồi. Sẽ chỉ vui khi lan vui, và mãi đau lòng nếu lan khóc. Bùng lên mãnh liệt cùng sự sống của mùa xuân, làn gió ấy mong đến ngày, có thể cuốn được bông hoa ấy đi cùng. Có gió có lan, sự bình yên sẽ là mãi mãi.

Sự trớ trêu chợt lướt qua, vô tình để lại một con điệp bên cạnh hoa lan, ngay sát bên…

Gió cứ phải trôi mãi, mỗi ngày trôi không ngừng nghỉ, để rồi một ngày thấy lan đi học về trên xe buýt, gục đầu ngủ yên bên vai của điệp. Sững người. Hạnh phúc vụt đến chỉ để lại vụt đi nhanh hơn. Chẳng thể làm gì được, chỉ là một cơn gió thôi mà.

…Có một loài hoa bóng đêm…
…hát thầm thì trong trái tim…
…những lời thầm sâu như mắt em…
..nung nấu lòng tôi…!

Giọng hát của Lê Hiếu cứ thế cất lên bên tai gió. Gục ngã.

Ai nói rằng tình yêu xuất phát từ tim? Tim nằm ở bên trái, nhưng cơn đau ở giữa ngực gió thắt lại, len lỏi đến cổ họng chẳng thể thở được. Tập luyện mỗi ngày để làm gì, cơ thể vẫn đổ xuống trong vô vọng.

Những dự tính, những ước mơ hoài bão khép lại, chẳng bao giờ có thể nói ra nữa được.

Chỉ là 1 cơn gió thôi, 1 cơn gió với khuôn mặt màu xanh ngớ ngẩn.

I hate Yahoo

There are many bad things around, but Yahoo should be the worst, especially Y!Messenger.
One time I was chatting with Orchid, and she told me she just bought a new cap. When she was going to show me her picture with it, my Y!M immediately signed out. O.0!!!! What the…! I quickly signed in again, and she was still there. It’s really awkward to ask her to share the picture twice, but I did. This time, the loading bar didn’t work =.=, though it was only 10Kb! The picture was right there but I couldn’t do anything to get it.
Only thing I could get was:T_____T’ That time, my body was shaking in anger. Arghhhhhhhhh!!!
One crazy Y!M is a problem, but both Y!M are crazy should be a tragedy. And Orchid’s Y!M was crazy – even crazier than mine =.=. One time, her Y!M suddently signed out, I thought she was busy, so I said goodbye to her. The next day I turned my laptop on, I saw messages of her – from the day before:
Orchid: oh, you are busy now 
Orchid: good bye 
Orchid: see you later :)
===.=== … poor me.
When we chat to each other, sentences got lost became so usual. Sometime I asked her sth, then waited for half an hour till she said: “don’t you say anything?” =.= It is not good. It is really dangerous indeed. What’d happen if someday, I… propose her…, and Y!M turn to be crazy again? … It is bad.
I hate Y!M Hate it a lot. ARGHHH!!!!
But, I even love it more.
It is Yahoo that has been helping me for years. It’s because of Y!M that I can see my DF, I can talk with my family, my friends… And, everything I could do for our relationship depends on Yahoo totally.
Thank you, a lot. Because of Y!M, and also 360.
This semester, anytime I was in trouble, or be depressed, I couldn’t do anything else but write a new entry. I’d see my friends again, and ‘d realize that I am cared.
There was something Orchid doesn’t know, it’s this blog. Despite of anything, I DO want to show her this blog – when the time comes. I don’t know when, but it’d not come soon. And, since I have been waiting for that moment, the Yahoo!inc. just decides to start Mash, and give up 360! “The beginning of 2008”- only few more months, this blog will be gone, along with my hopes, my efforts, my loves, my memories… Oh, how unlucky! How harsh!
I love Yahoo. And I hate it too.
--------------------

Author's note:

If you find this post confusing, it's because I wrote this, along with other posts, originally from my 360 page. I've said about it on my very first post here.

Just another effort...

Since time keeps passing by, and things keep being changed, we have to try our best everyday to survive. Not every effort will get good result, we all know it. But when it does, it’d be great.
It’s just a normal day when I accepted to help the council of the building I lived, to make the banner for the “Homecoming” event. When I said I would draw it, they screamed and jumped around excitedly. “Wow”, I was surprised, “I’d better try my best then. =.=’ ” One woman gave me the material, which was a …huge bed cover (to draw at O.0!!!)

I had to draw something about football, and a mule. (A mule is a child of female horse and male donkey. It’s also the mascot of UCM -my school.). I had to show how strong the mule was, so I tried using …superheroes’ images! I had the picture in my mind, but the banner was really big for me. In fact, it was the biggest picture I’d ever made. It was so big that I had to …creep around to draw, and when my elbow avoided touching the lines I just did, my feet messed another part behind me T_T.

After a while, it was done. Phew! I know it doesn’t look really fancy, but I tried a lot. Here it is:

Few days later, the banner was colored exactly as I advised, and they did a really good job. Our banner won the first place after that. Kool.

(The final product. The superheroes are: Captain America, Super Man, Flash, Batman, The Hulk and Spider Man^^)

Then I saw something on the door of my room. It’s from the hall council.

Well, Orchid said the banner was nice. I’m glad. One effort was done, letting many following others.

Sometimes, good results come to one who tried. Enjoy it, to be able to try more, and fight more…

It's time to change

(I write the things below as a serious person. It’s not a joke. And I’ll accept all the criticisms)
Every day sign in to Y!M, I saw people discussing about Nhật Kí Va`ng Anh. Many messages, so many attitudes, so many opinions. Well, it’s an adult movie, then. So what? Isn’t it that so many XXX movies have been being sold everyday, everywhere, even in Vietnam (though illegally)? I feel funny when everyone freak out and despite the film. Many people get involve in one problem which is not strange. Having sex basically is not bad. It’s only bad when people do it inappropriately and irresponsibly. Because of some old cultural affection, that now we feel disgusted with it. To me, we are not close-minded, but we are fake. Just look at the statistic: many people want to see it, and they tell the others how they despite it. Consequently, legal XXX movies would never be accepted, and the illegal ones would still be expanded. And obviously, no thing would be fixed.
Why don’t we look at the situation at a different attitude? It’s time to classify movies, based on ages and characteristics? I don’t want Vietnamese children to see horror and violent movies - which are considered “Parent guardian” or “Restricted” in other places. I don’t want Vietnamese parents to freak out with XXX movies, because of being worried for their children. A good classification is really necessary for us this time, and for our following generations in the future.
There are things to keep, things to learn, and things to be changed. And the important thing here is self-responsibility.

Origami Supreme !!!

“Origami” is a Japanese art of folding paper to make some shapes of animals, humans and a lot of other stuff. I was about six or seven when my mom gave me my first origami book. The book was about dinosaurs, and it amazed me a lot. But I was still too young for it; therefore I needed help from my mom. I still remember the days that my mom, my cousin Minh and me gathered together to figure out how to do it. It had a lot of fun, until my mom and cousin Minh gave up. Only me left to try alone, until the day I achieved it. Origami since then became one for my favorites, especially folding dinosaurs.

It was such a long time from now, and my old hobby once again revives. Let me show you some of them. Hope you’d like them.

Note: ALL of them are John Montrol's inventions; I JUST made them based on books.
ALL of them were made by only one uncut-square paper. :)

Part 1: DINOSAURS

STRUTHIOMIMUS

(It was hard to make him stand only on his legs :D)

KUEHNEOSAURUS

ELASMOSAURUS (he is little Pi-su in one Doraemon manga, remember? ^^)

RHAMPHORYNCHUS (one of my favorites- I can memorize folding it)

(the stick on his back is not included)

DIMETRODON

BRACHIOSAURUS

(I memorize him also)

TYRANNOSAURUS

(he doesn’t look so scary, right? :D)

APATOSAURUS

Some other ones. They are more intense to fold.
TANYSTROPHEUS

(He is the longest – even longer than the original paper!!!)

TRICERATOPS

STEGOSAURUS
Yeah, that’s it. :)

Special thanks for mom and miss Ngoc.

And THANK ALL of YOU for watching. Will be CONTINUED.

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Related topics:

Origami Extreme - Part 02 !!! - Convention
Origami Extreme - Part 03 !!! - Dragons
Origami Extreme - Part 04 !!! - The Winged World
Origami Extreme - Part 05 !!! - People of Humanity
Origami Extreme - Part 06 !!! - Dogs
Origami Extreme - Part 07!!! - Cats
Origami Extreme - Part 08 !!! - The Little Birds

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 1

Month… date… year…

Today was crazy. The computers of US immigration department didn’t work until 6 hours being fixed. Therefore I missed my next flight to Kansas City. They gave me a “standing by” ticket, and I’d get stuck here forever.

Sorry Mom. There’s no free wireless here for me to use the internet. The telephone card here is so stupid that it didn’t let me call home for a second. Please don’t be so worried. I’ll get to UCM soon. I promise! ...

Month… date… year…

I decided to stop playing some games with my friends, in order to come to my room early – to chat with you.

DK: Are you there?
Orchid: Yea :D
…

And it was my happy day. You wouldn’t ever understand.

Month… date… year…

Today I promised to Orchid that I would perform popping in the Cultural night on spring. So from now on, I have to take it seriously. I know I’m not so good at popping as your Korean guys. But I’ll keep practicing. It doesn’t matter if I won’t get good result. It’s that I will have tried my best, because of me – because of you.

Month… date… year…

I was really sad and jealous when Orchid always put a pretty Korean boy to be her avatar. So today I decided to do something fun.

I used Wd Paint to draw a picture of a “guy” with a sick face of Y!M, and had the same situation, same clothes, same background as her avatar (except the face – of course). It was not easy for sure, I use Paint and hers was a real picture.

It took me a lot of time, and I finished it at last. I was so happy, and I hope you would find it interesting also.

You were online. I showed you my new avatar. You laughed and told me it was so ugly, and didn’t look like hers. Then you quickly changed to another guy’s picture. How sad I was, you would never know! Not every effort will get the result which it deserves.

The angel of the Wind (Thần Gió) had his own “green-face” image since then.

Month… date… year…

Today I decided to have a new roommate – for the fact that I had to. So it was Phat – the Vietnamese guy who was living near by. He became my new roommate.
Since now on, I have someone to laugh with (and to laugh at)…
I have someone to say “good night”
It’s good. :) Welcome, brod.

Month… date… year…

I haven’t met Orchid online for 2 days. Why don’t you answer me something? Anything? Or… you’ve forgot’n me already?

Month… date… year…

Today I became a super moderator of PNS forum. It was what I had wanted before. But now, all the administrators are gone, as well as other moderators. There was only me now, trying to maintain the website day by day, hopelessly. I don’t know. Maybe I’d be gone soon, also. Can I help to maintain something, when my own pain doesn’t have its cure? I am sorry. So depressed.

Month… date… year…

Today I bought a pirate sword at Wal-Mart for the coming Halloween. It was only 4usd, and it was really kool. At midnight, I carried the sword around and pretended to be a security guard. There was a woman saw that, and was scared. She decided to call the community advisers about that. They thought it was a REAL sword until I showed them a line “made in China” on it. It was so funny! I’m lovin’ it!!!

Month… date… year…

I went back to my room at 7h30 pm after finishing my last class for the day. I suddenly looked up to the sky, and realized that the moon was so full, and so bright! Wow, it’s like years since the last time I had looked at the moon like that. Oh, that’s right! Today is full moon, isn’t it?

I felt a little bit sad, a little bit lonely… Maybe you were hanging out with your friends. That’s why you let me wait forever here tonight.

Nothing fun. Only being annoyed by big Phat. Oh, how I hate moon festival!…

Month… date… year…

Today I wrote a new blog entry. Since my second last day of breakdancing class, I started writhing more often – usually when I was deeply sad…

….when you weren’t online.

I know, you will not be online to me anymore. But I’ll keep writing my blog, try not to write about you. I'll forget you soon, some day.

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Related topic:

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 2

...miss you so much...