A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 1

Month… date… year…

Today was crazy. The computers of US immigration department didn’t work until 6 hours being fixed. Therefore I missed my next flight to Kansas City. They gave me a “standing by” ticket, and I’d get stuck here forever.

Sorry Mom. There’s no free wireless here for me to use the internet. The telephone card here is so stupid that it didn’t let me call home for a second. Please don’t be so worried. I’ll get to UCM soon. I promise! ...

Month… date… year…

I decided to stop playing some games with my friends, in order to come to my room early – to chat with you.

DK: Are you there?
Orchid: Yea :D
…

And it was my happy day. You wouldn’t ever understand.

Month… date… year…

Today I promised to Orchid that I would perform popping in the Cultural night on spring. So from now on, I have to take it seriously. I know I’m not so good at popping as your Korean guys. But I’ll keep practicing. It doesn’t matter if I won’t get good result. It’s that I will have tried my best, because of me – because of you.

Month… date… year…

I was really sad and jealous when Orchid always put a pretty Korean boy to be her avatar. So today I decided to do something fun.

I used Wd Paint to draw a picture of a “guy” with a sick face of Y!M, and had the same situation, same clothes, same background as her avatar (except the face – of course). It was not easy for sure, I use Paint and hers was a real picture.

It took me a lot of time, and I finished it at last. I was so happy, and I hope you would find it interesting also.

You were online. I showed you my new avatar. You laughed and told me it was so ugly, and didn’t look like hers. Then you quickly changed to another guy’s picture. How sad I was, you would never know! Not every effort will get the result which it deserves.

The angel of the Wind (Thần Gió) had his own “green-face” image since then.

Month… date… year…

Today I decided to have a new roommate – for the fact that I had to. So it was Phat – the Vietnamese guy who was living near by. He became my new roommate.
Since now on, I have someone to laugh with (and to laugh at)…
I have someone to say “good night”
It’s good. :) Welcome, brod.

Month… date… year…

I haven’t met Orchid online for 2 days. Why don’t you answer me something? Anything? Or… you’ve forgot’n me already?

Month… date… year…

Today I became a super moderator of PNS forum. It was what I had wanted before. But now, all the administrators are gone, as well as other moderators. There was only me now, trying to maintain the website day by day, hopelessly. I don’t know. Maybe I’d be gone soon, also. Can I help to maintain something, when my own pain doesn’t have its cure? I am sorry. So depressed.

Month… date… year…

Today I bought a pirate sword at Wal-Mart for the coming Halloween. It was only 4usd, and it was really kool. At midnight, I carried the sword around and pretended to be a security guard. There was a woman saw that, and was scared. She decided to call the community advisers about that. They thought it was a REAL sword until I showed them a line “made in China” on it. It was so funny! I’m lovin’ it!!!

Month… date… year…

I went back to my room at 7h30 pm after finishing my last class for the day. I suddenly looked up to the sky, and realized that the moon was so full, and so bright! Wow, it’s like years since the last time I had looked at the moon like that. Oh, that’s right! Today is full moon, isn’t it?

I felt a little bit sad, a little bit lonely… Maybe you were hanging out with your friends. That’s why you let me wait forever here tonight.

Nothing fun. Only being annoyed by big Phat. Oh, how I hate moon festival!…

Month… date… year…

Today I wrote a new blog entry. Since my second last day of breakdancing class, I started writhing more often – usually when I was deeply sad…

….when you weren’t online.

I know, you will not be online to me anymore. But I’ll keep writing my blog, try not to write about you. I'll forget you soon, some day.

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Related topic:

A diary of DK’s first semester in UCM – Part 2

...miss you so much...

Love in the ice

…Daremo ga dare ka ni aisareru tameni

Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa…

The song gets stuck in my head now. “Love in the ice”, the first Korean song ever that I listen to. TVXQ should be really special and …lucky (!). Why this song and why these guys?...

I was trying to concentrate on practicing the speech for the class tomorrow, but I could not. The song was still there and became louder. I tried to push it away but …I was just absorbed to it…

…Sore ga moshimo boku nara
Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo
Towa no yasashisa de atatameruyo …


The sentences were so good, so …dangerous. I felt myself more and more become the man in the song… Am I in …

…love?

If it was me… I would make your heart once again… warm with eternal tenderness… What the song said become what I was thinking, murmuring in my head. Your heart was right there, and I wanted to hug it so much. But, though very sweet, you were so cold. And I was frozen - spiritually.

The room was getting cold, but my mind was much colder. I could do some pushups to make my body warm. What could I do to cure my heart?

…Bokura wa kizukusa
Kurushii hodo ni tsuyoku kanji ya eru
Hito no nukumori…

Did you feel my love? Would you ever feel it, someday? I was right there, always there. I wanted to cover you with my warmth…really much…

…Setsunai hodo
Utsukushii ai dakara
Hakanai hodo
Uruwa shii
Kono toki wo…

Am I good enough to be yours? Should I – let you know my mind, and my love – too?

You like TVXQ so much. They are perfect. They have practiced a lot. They deserve what they have. I know. I sure know. I would never ever be equal to them. But, you know, I care about you and they don’t.

I’ll be a good man who can make you happy. I will.

Boku ga mamoru- I promise!!!

The Old Folks of Mine

Today is September 14th. So it’s been exactly ten years since the day my grand-mother died. Until now I can still remember pretty clearly that day. My family rushed to Hanoi to see her. She was lying there on her bed, while my Mom and her sister-in-law cried so hard beside her. I cried too. As a seven-year-old kid, I didn’t believe that she was dead. I hoped that she would wake up again, smile with me tenderly and kiss me on my forehead. But she never wakes up again, though I kept waiting. The mother of my father left me since then, forever.

And I think about my grand-father. It’s ten years that he lived alone. It would be really, really sad and lonely. Not any more Grandma for him to talk with, to take care and to be taken care. Sorry Grandpa! I am a bad grandson that had not visited you for years until last summer. And you didn’t complain anything. You smiled and told me to study hard as uncle Ho said.

And I think about my grand parents – my Mom’s parents. My family used to live with them, and my entire childhood would just be with them. There were days that my grandma stood for hours with me, to help her little grandson finish his meal. There were months that I got stuck with my grandpa’s math exercises, got stuck with his love. And there were more…

Later then, we didn’t live with my grandparents anymore. Every time I came to visit them, they seemed so happy. And I wasn’t that happy. I felt a little tired when listening to grandpa’s old stories, or his advises. I even felt really sad when my grandma touched my face, and complained how ugly am I. T_T Well, that’s all what I have, grandma.

And now I am here for college, leaving the three of them at the far home. I could feel how sad they were when I was gonna leave. I now can feel how much they miss me. They love me a lot. And I never love them that much.

“I am sorry. Four years is a long time, I know. I don’t know if I can see any of you again. Please keep your health carefully and drink a lot of water as I said. Please don’t be worried. I am fine!”

Time just passes by, and people just die,

Families hook up, and they all cry…

StarCraft - Forever more...

During these years, game market has been increased surprisingly. Many new games appear, while many others were just simply kicked out. And it affects the society of gamers significantly. People rush to find kooler, more exciting one. Living among this situation, can we possibly find an-everlasting-game for ourselves? Yes. For me, it’s not anything else but StarCraft.

How long for a good game to survive? Can people play a game in years –still interestedly? But it was suprising, when I think about StarCraft. The first time I saw the game, I was only six or seven (so it should be about 10 years ago!). I came over to Duc’s house, and he was playing it. At that time, computer wasn’t even popular. And StarCraft was there, how incredible!

But I hadn’t involved in the game much, until I got my first computer when I was in grade sixth – it’s in 2000 -7 years ago. I was interested so much, that I played it in all my free time! I was n’t good at typing, but I was so good at …typing StarCraft cheat codes. Now I still remember them clearly, though haven’t used them for a long time.

It was so kool when I met one of my classmate – Long. He was so crazy of playing the game, and we therefore stucked to each other. For my whole life studying in Tran Dai Nghia school, maybe I remember most about our “campaign”- rush for spots. In every afternoon, when the bell rang to finish the school, we –including Long, Lam, Khoi,… and me – ran our best to the game store (or whatever you call it). It was incredible! The entire TDN’s junior hight school-boys rushed to the computers – which were only about 30 spots! How happy we were when we all could sit down and play together after all. And, we played StarCraft while people around us shooting each other (in Counter Strike game).:D

There are three teams in StarCraft that they call “races”. Terran with its human army, high tech-weapons and vehicles. Zerg, my favorite at that time, has various kinds of …gross monster. (It was really fast and strategic, though) The last one is Protoss, the mysterious clan of alien with kool auras. The three races are equally powerful, and it was totally based on the gamer to win or lose.

But it was 10 years from now. People are attracted by series of online-game, and StarCraft seems to be forgotten. But it is not. Still, there are bunch of people play the game with each other, even online with a suprising number. StarCraft was still played in the latest WCG. And, it now becomes even much more awesome when Blizzard declared that “StarCraft II is coming”!!!

The last thing I want to say, I love so many things. And I love StarCraft also.

A2 PN-Cấp 3 xa vời

Cuộc đời của mỗi người dài cả mấy chục năm, nhưng có những giai đọan chỉ vài năm thôi, đã trở thành bước ngoặt. Ba năm cấp 3 vừa qua chính là một khỏang thời gian “để đời” như vậy.

Lớp chúng ta đã gặp nhau như là 1 sự …hài hước của Thượng Đế. Lớp A2 là 1 tổ hợp của những người “vui tính” đến trình độ tối cao đáng sợ. :) Chúng ta đã quen nhau lâu ra sao, chơi vui thế nào, học cực làm sao… DK không cần đề cập đến. Chúng ta đều hiểu rõ và sẽ nhớ kĩ.

Nói ra thì, 1 người “xàm vô đối” như DK cũng được các bạn …”chứa chấp” cũng là điều may mắn. Thầy Hoan cũng thật là tuyệt vời khi sống sót sau 3 năm dung túng bốn mươi mấy phần tử xấu của xã hội. :)) (đọc đến đây mà bạn nào quá tức giận thì cũng đừng nên …tức giận quá nữa ^^) Thế là lần đầu tiên trong suốt 10 năm học, DK đã tự nhủ “hôm nay mình được đi học!” o.0 Chuyện cứ như đùa, phải không?

Trình độ “quởn” của DK vốn đã rất cao đã trở nên …rất rất cao (!), khi tiếp xúc với DW (Trường Giang), DO (Quốc Thảo) và DD(Nhật Anh –đúng hông ta? Quên tên thằng này rồi ^^). 4 thằng “chụm” lại mà nên DF- thiên hạ đệ nhất nhảm nhí Guild ^^. Được 1 thời gian thì kick thằng DD mà thêm vào bạn DN (P. Anh Tuấn …đẹp dzai). DF cũng đã tham gia thi đá cầu, làm thiệp, chạy… Đã rất cố gắng dù chẳng được quà cáp gì (nói đến cái này là sôi máu koo Đức Anh=.=’) nhưng “xôm là chính”. Nghĩ lại cũng là do …khoái lớp mình quá, muốn làm 1 cái gì đó… Mọi người nghĩ sao cũng được.

Vậy mà DK-vì duyên số- đã phải out đi chỗ khác, không thể tiếp tục “đú với nhau” cùng các bạn. 1 năm xa mọi người cũng là khi các bạn đang è nhau mà học – lớp 12 mà, phải không? Chỉ đơn giản là “1 năm” thôi, nhưng sao nhiều cái xảy ra quá! Ngồi 1 mình ở bàn học mà nghĩ không biết cô dạy Văn “ghê” là ghê thế nào; các bạn đi Đà Lạt sao vui quá mà không có mình …

Trở về, thấy các bạn đang đương đầu với kì thi ĐH mà cũng lo lây. Đến khi thi xong, tưởng vui lại buồn hơn. Mọi người bắt đầu tan rã… Ngạc nhiên nhất là bạn Quỳnh chẳng hiểu vì cớ gì mà lại ghét DK vô tận… Nhìn cái áo lớp mà thấy tên mình mãi phía dưới, ngay vị trí “bỏ áo trong quần” – thấy buồn buồn mà tếu tếu…

Bây giờ nhiều bạn bắt đầu ngồi nghĩ lại và tiêc nuối. Chắc có cả khóc nữa. Ngồi đọc những dòng blog đó mà buồn cho chính mình. Chẳng phải mình là người nuối tiếc không nguôi những điều thế này 1 năm trước sao? – thế mà vẫn phải gắng chịu 1 mình sao? Nói ra thì, DK sẽ không bao giờ có thể hiểu được năm 12 các bạn đã học cực khổ thế nào, cũng như chơi vui ra sao… Bỏ qua chuyện “đi được là sướng rồi còn nói gì nữa”, thì chẳng phải là DK đã BỎ LỠ quá nhiều thứ - lớp 12 đáng nhớ mà các bạn đang tiếc đó- sao?

Buồn và tiếc đến đau lòng. DK sẽ lại rất nhớ mọi người. Mong các bạn luôn vui vẻ và hạnh phúc.

Love you all…

Pretty girls - everywhere...

I used to believe in true love. Pretty girls wouldn’t attract me so easily, as I believed – they were everywhere. With the deep pain I already had, who would be able to make me pay attention at?
But then you came, along with new thoughts, new pain…
I saw you in a break-dancing class, and I was surprised. You were so pretty. Your clothes were stylish, and one of your ears had three earrings!
I tried not to care about you. I knew that I would never be able to have a “chance”. You were not really special anyway. Pretty girls were everywhere.
So I didn’t even look at you, but focused in …showing some kids how to do windmill. And you, didn’t care about anything but practicing your moves. You were staying alone, talking to no one. How serious you were! You were not just “cool” but “cold”!
And so, the time passed by. Nothing happened… until yesterday…
None of my little students wanted to practice hollow-back. So once again, I looked at you. You were still …”you”, standing separately from the others. I didn’t know how, but the more serious you were, the more attractive you became! You seemed to be a gorgeous angel shining everything around you. And I was attracted.
I should never ever involve any more, but you were practicing “1st wave”- my best move! And so, yeah, I didn’t understand why, but I started helping you with it.
I was so surprised and even happy when you listened to me, and followed my advices leisurely. The air was easier for me to breath, to look at your face straightly. It was still very beautiful as usual…I smiled, and told you that you did the wave like a robot. Never tell me anything, but at last you smiled back.
You just smiled, and the spring appeared, immediately. At the same time, I felt distinctively happiness, luckiness, and a new hope. Also at that time, I felt sadness, hopelessness, and a pity. All of the various feelings combined together, spread allover my body and exploded. I spiritually collapsed.
I have wasted a lot of time, and I can see you only tomorrow, once and for all. Don’t know what I should do, what I should say. Don’t even have a hope. You will just pass through me as many others. But no one knows, it will be the first time I saw the clearest Dark Elf, an ideal image that DK has been finding, and will keep finding forever.
Who cares about me – a popper?
That’s fine. “Kool girls are everywhere”, right?
Dang it!

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This post started a long list about Orchid, one of the girls came to my life. Please bare with it.

My struggle

I was born in late 20th century, the period that the many historical things had already happened. The war in my country, Vietnam War, was gone years before. Now it's just standing by World War II and others in the gloomy past. How am I supposed to know, to understand all of these?
In Vietnam, I've been taught for years how they happened. I learnt that to destroy the Nazism, the Red Army (Russian) had to fight for many place. Millions of them were killed by the enemies. What they did was much greater than the rest of Allies, and they actually saved the world. V. I. Lenin and Joseph Stalin were great communist leaders.
About my country, I've leant that when the French colonist invaded, many people tried to protect Vietnam but unsuccessfully. And our hero, Ho Chi Minh, appeared. He decided to travel to other countries, to find the right way to protect the country. He alone went to many countries, doing many hard and dangerous jobs to live, as he didn't have any thing. At last, he got the Communist document. Finding it was what he had been searching, he was crying happily.
With his return, Vietnam started connecting with many other Communist countries. With new theories, and friends' help (especially Russia), we succeeded in protecting our country from France, and later, America. Communism and Russia became something so worthy for me. They united weak countries, that we could protect our countries, and duel with others equally.
I came to the US as an exchange student. And, I faced with American history. I started to learn how unbiblical, bloody and terrible the Communism was. I learnt that Stalin was a demon who killed millions of his own people in World War II. And, of course, America was the one who saved the world. Isn't it painful, when you have to write papers saying terrible things about people whom you used to believe as the great heroes? Someone may say: "well, why don't you just write what you really want, and then prove it?" Of course. But dueling with something didn't happen at your time, and books are contradictorily different, is there anything reliable enough for you to prove with?
I will be taught about Vietnam War, again, but americanly. I know my American history teacher will once again smile innocently, and teach us what he was taught, and what read in his books. I will learn how wicked my country was, and how graceful the American was, to come and rescue Vietnam from Communism. And, I will have to write papers with these ideas. I'll have to throw away my belief, my patriotism, in order to have some grades. What is fair? Where is the morality? What kind of jerk will I be? Oh, how painful it will be!
Never can really know what actually happened, nothing can help. Only the pain grows bigger, searching for the cure.