Class Assignment - ICAP 4357 - Self Reflection

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In the beginning of the semester, the goals I wrote on my homepage were getting an A, making new friends, and having good time. I don’t know about my grade yet, but my other two goals have been fulfilled. Now looking back the road we have walked, I start to feel a bit nostalgic. On the second class meeting, right after Dr. Yue told us to form teams, I came to Lee Schmitz to ask him whether he wanted to be my teammate. He said yes, and Jennie Levine also joined in with us. We became the members of Team Four, and our journey began.

Three was a small number for a team, and each of us felt that having a clear leader was not a necessary thing. Because of that, throughout the semester, we shared to workload together in a voluntary manner. This method required a very good attitude and responsibility of each team member, and fortunately we all had those. We would meet each other outside the class if we needed to, and showed up being prepared.

As the only non-American member of the team, I had to try my best to be recognized. This always was a disadvantage of being an international student. “How could a foreign student ever be as productive as an American?” – Even I find it hard to believe sometimes. Because of that, in the beginning, Jennie and Lee often had something to tell to each other, and I was left out of the conversation. This was not anything new to me, however, so instead of being offended and becoming introvert, I pleasantly told them they should not do that or I would cry. Sometimes, good sarcasm can be really decisive.

As a student who had been through various Management courses, I tried to be as devoted and selfless to Team Four as I could. I would go an extra step anytime I needed to, such as in conducting the questionnaire or preparing the display board. On the Saturday when we were visiting the high income neighborhoods, I overcame my initial nervousness and did better than I had expected. I never had known I could go door to door and calmly ask people to fill out the surveys. When we were doing our report, we decided that each member would do one analysis. My teammates seemed to be overwhelmed with their shares, even though the report had many other sections to get done. So I volunteered to take care of the rest. In the end, our report was around 20 pages, and 14 of them were my product. Staying up until 4:00 one night was totally worth it, as before I knew it, I became a valuable asset for the team, and my teammates finally would appreciate me.

Unlike other classmates of mine in this ICAP class, I personally feel that the courses I have been learning in UCM are very beneficial to me. Thanks to them, I clearly know how to develop myself as a team member, and as a leader. The crucial keys are trying my best on my part and being willing to listen to others. In this class, I have also learned that being positive is also very important. On the presentation day, the first team’s presentation was too long and overly detailed, causing my teammates to be nervous, stressful, and unmotivated. Noticing that, I decided to present my part concisely but sufficiently, and also added some humors. It was my sudden decision, but the effect was incredible. My two teammates followed up in the same manner, and they were even smiling while presenting their parts. Our presentation was exactly 15 minutes long, and I believe it was a pleasant experience for everyone in the room. When we are happy, even if the enthusiasm is out-of-no-where, then people around us will feel at ease also.

Six weeks was not a long time, but what I was learned from this class was abundant. I became a better team member, and a better person. More than ever before, I feel that Business Management really is a right choice for me, and the path I am walking on truly will help me reaching my goals. For that, I am thankful.

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Author's note:

This was my paper for my ICAP 4357 class (the class was mentioned in my previous post The Way of Happiness). The reason why I post this is because this explains well what experience I have been through during the last July (well, kind of). Keep in mind that as my assignment, this paper is submitted to some certain criteria and requirements. Since this was intended for my professor, my frequent readers may find it repeative. If that's the case please bare with it.

Chúng tôi cũng đang vượt khó

Trên báo chí, truyền hình này nọ luôn có những tấm gương “vượt khó”, “vươn lên từ những cảnh đời” các thể loại. Tất cả những câu chuyện đời họ đều là “Cha mẹ chia rẽ”, “mồ côi từ bé”, “nhà đông anh em” … Đồng ý là khi xuất than từ gia đình nghèo thì sẽ có nhiều khó khăn, đồng ý là nếu hoàn cảnh éo le túng quẫn thì cần nhiều cố gắng, nhưng đâu phải chỉ những người như họ thì mới đáng được cho là đang “vượt khó”?

Sẽ là một sự nhầm lẫn lớn lao nếu cho rằng đi du học là sung sướng. Không phải nếu nhà không thiếu tiền, hay không có hoàn cảnh gì đặc biệt, thì con đường từ giường tới nhà vệ sinh sẽ trải đầy nhung lụa. Gia đình càng có điều kiện vật chất và tinh thần, thì cơ hội giao tiếp với kiến thức và tư tưởng càng cao và đa dạng hơn, dẫn đến một hệ quả tất yếu là sự cao hơn về mức độ kỳ vọng. Nói một cách đơn giản hơn, những đứa trẻ sinh ra từ gia đình có điều kiện khi lớn lên sẽ phải đặt mục tiêu cao hơn những đứa trẻ mà gia đình gặp nhiều thiếu thốn.
Cho nên khi đã đi du học thì mỗi du học sinh đã phải gánh vác một trách nhiệm to lớn. Tôi có một cậu bạn sống ở Sa Pa, hỏi sau này làm gì, hắn bảo, “Mình học để sau này làm kỹ sư lâm nghiệp, quê mình còn nghèo quá.” Nghe thấy thương không? Thương và cũng cảm phục hết biết. Nhưng ví dụ như tôi, ở hoàn cảnh của tôi, một mục tiêu như thế hoàn toàn trong tầm tay và tôi cần phải làm gì đó cao xa hơn. Con đường của tôi, như bao du học sinh khác, đầy mơ hồ và mông lung, để những ước mơ giản dị đầy mộc mạc của cậu bạn kia làm tôi đôi lúc cũng thấy sao mà hấp dẫn quá.
Du học là phải qua một đất nước khác, sống giữa những con người khác, văn hóa khác. Cái sự nghiệp du học ấy, so với ở nhà thì không phải là “khác nhiều”, mà là “hoàn toàn khác”. Tôi nhận thấy sự thay đổi rõ rệt của bản thân khi đi tới Mỹ hoặc khi về thăm Việt Nam. Không chỉ khác về cơ thể, hoặc giờ giấc ngủ nghỉ, mà còn về cách suy nghĩ, khả năng hoạt động, và cả niềm tin nữa. Tôi ở Mỹ và tôi ở Việt Nam là hai cái tôi khác hẳn. Đối với tôi, nơi tôi đến và nơi tôi thuộc về là hai thế giới cách nhau thật xa, như không phải chỉ là ở hai bên quả Địa Cầu.
Du học sinh, những người con của sự đầy đủ và lòng yêu thương, khi không phải đi đến một thế giới khác, lạc thõm vào giữa biển người không quen biết, không cùng ngôn ngữ, đi lại hối hả trên những nẻo đường mà tuổi thơ và kỷ niệm chưa bao giờ sinh ra từ đó. Từ sự đầy đủ đến thiếu thốn mọi bề, so với từ thiếu thốn này sang thiếu thốn khác, chẳng phải đáng nói hơn sao? Sự cách ly với cả một quê hương, so với sự xa gia đình lên tỉnh, chẳng lẽ lại thua kém sao? Từ sự ham chơi game và shopping phải chuyển sang sự học ngày học đêm không cách nào khác, so với sự thèm mà không được học, chẳng phải cùng là sự không được làm những điều bản thân muốn sao? Du học sinh chúng tôi có kém gì ai về mức độ “vượt khó” đâu?
Tại sao báo chí chỉ ca ngợi thật nhiều về những cô gái vừa bán khoai vừa đậu đại học, những chàng trai vừa bán kem bông vừa chăm chỉ đến trường, mà không ai khen gì đến những du học sinh đi làm thêm mà điểm vẫn cao ngất ngưởng? Bán khoai mà đậu vài trường đại học thì hiếm, chứ du học mà làm thêm vài chỗ khác nhau thì không hề ít. Và thử nghĩ xem vì lẽ gì mà con người ta phải đi du học? Nếu giàu có đại gia quá thì chúng tôi đã ngồi nhà lông bông cho sướng. Đi du học cũng chỉ như người ta lên thành phố thôi, đều là nỗ lực vươn lên vì một ngày mai tươi sáng hơn, cái mà như người ta nói, “vượt khó” đấy!
Cho nên xin hãy tiếp tục khen ngợi những tấm gương gia đình khó khăn, họ là những con người tuyệt vời và xã hội sẽ nhờ họ mà tốt đẹp hơn. Nhưng cũng đừng đánh giá thấp du học sinh chúng tôi, vẫn ngày đêm vượt khó – trong hoàn cảnh của chúng tôi – và cũng sẽ góp phần xây dựng một xã hội tươi mới hơn – theo cách của chúng tôi.

Những Chuỗi Ngày Hoang Vắng

Những chuỗi ngày hoang vắng

Mang ta đến nơi đây

Chen lấn

Đẩy xô

“Lô nhô loài người”

Lọt thõm giữa bao làn lãng quên

Lại một lần nữa

Vì em

Mà ta chợt nhớ đến một tình yêu diệu kì.

Ta nhớ bàn tay ấy

Mỏng manh, trong suốt

Nhớ những đón đưa

Dưới những làn mưa gột rửa hai tâm hồn

Và nhớ những nụ hôn

Hòa tan

Cùng nắng chiều lưu luyến.

Thế là lại đến gần nhau

Lại cần tay

Và ngóng chờ nhau từng ngày…

Rồi ban mai lại trôi qua

Và lòng ta

Vì sao thầm lặng quá!

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Author’s note:

“Lô nhô loài người” là cụm từ trong bài hát Vẫn nhớ cuộc đời. Cố nhạc sĩ Trịnh Công Sơn mới có thể nghĩ ra những từ ngữ lạ lùng đến thế. Dù chẳng liên quan gì, nhưng bài thơ này được viết sau khi tôi tình cờ nghe bài hát ấy trên Youtube. Có lẽ vì thế mà trong đầu lúc ấy luôn nghĩ: phải đưa cụm từ ấy vào bằng được. : )

The Way of Happiness

“Change your thoughts and change your world.” – Norman Vincent Peale

This summer I am taking ICAP, one of the last courses of my college life. This Organizational Policy and Strategy class will make this month of July very challenging for me. The students here are all seniors (we have to, in order to sign up for this class), and we study various business majors such as CIS (Computer Info System) or Marketing. This ICAP class is therefore a very diversified class.
Last week, Dr. Yue, our professor, told us to discuss about our experiences in UCM, what we had learned, what we loved and hated. I myself had a very good experience. I was taught so many things that I was always thankful for, and I had also made all kinds of relationships with many people. Zahra, the girl whom I was discussing with, also had a good time with the school. She gladly told me her story in which one professor was very helpful to her.
It turned out that, however, UCM didn’t give everyone the same experience. When we started sharing opinions with the whole class, one Marketing guy said that the school’s teachers were uncaring. They would teach the students as they had to, and that was it. They did not care for the students’ personal problems at the slightest, and acted as strangers outside the class. Some students agreed with him. I was surprised. My professors were very nice and helpful to me. How could our experiences be that different? Would the problems really come from the professors only?
What another student said was even more astonishing. He was from Saudi Arabia, and he was a person that when I was doing a group assignment with him the first time, I quickly decided not to be in his team ever again. He said, “I think it’s possible to graduate without learning anything. I will graduate soon but I still don’t know anything!” This statement of his stunned me strongly, as I was filled with things I learned in the past three years. I wondered if we really were in the same school. The professor, as surprised as I was, asked him what his GPA was. “Very decent,” he said, “2.6.”
Just so you know, my current GPA is 3.93, and I still have to try just yet. That guy has 2.6 and is satisfied with it. 2.6 means most of his grades are Cs with a few Bs here and there. He obviously does not study at all. By complaining the school now, he ridicules himself.
The lazy student blamed the school for not teaching him anything. So we certainly can assume that the Marketing student I mentioned earlier was not that involved in his classes neither. The students who contribute in class and show their willingness to learn will always be noticed and get all kinds of supports. They would find the class very enjoyable and beneficial. The rewards for those who try their best, comparing to those who don’t, are vastly different.
We all live in the same world, but this world does not treat us all the same. We are treated exactly the way we treat the world. We can talk about luck all day long, how other people have more money and better situations. But spoiled rich kids never know how to appreciate the goodness of life, and those successful people who are pessimistic cannot see their fortunes right in front of them. People who are at fault tend to complain, and those who acknowledge their mistakes are usually forgiven. Life is just as fair as it can ever be.
We should all live fully, and treat life with kindness. Until then, we may see that the true heaven is not that far away.

Long Nights

What have we ignored in our love?

One day that I started realize

The image I’ve been dreaming of

Turned out that, you’re not that alike.

So there’s a concern that I can’t stop:

“Do we still love, or it’s no more?

“If there’s no dream, if there’s no hope,

“Bless her, O Lord!” – I desperately implored.

Tired, despaired: that’s all we have

That’s no true life, true love, I’d say

Like the sea with all its storms and waves

So hard to keep, so tough to stay!

Then, at last, I turned to give up

And, alas, you did not let go

Maybe for me there’s still some hope

And maybe, girl, it has to be you.

I'll pretend

Right here in front of me

The way you stand

How you smile right now

Will I be able to see them again?

That I do not know.

Because when time flees

My heart and your memories

Both will be broken.

And I will pretend

That we never were that good of friends.

Turning on my cell phone

I’ll see your numbers

Which would never call me again

Nor would response if I ever send a text.

Only pains would remain

And who know what will be next.

So I’ll delete your numbers

And I will pretend

They were never there – ever.

I will walk by your rooms

And see the same doors

At the same locations

But there’ll be no more

The posters of the environment.

And if I ever knock

Strangers would come out

And I will pretend

That I am not shocked

And not want to shout

Anything out loud.

Everything is done

Everyone has left

But I’m not alone

Carrying on

A whole new step.

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Like that, I will pretend

Till the day I reach my end.

A lone dancer

I came to Christian Campus House again this time. I did not know how many times I had come here. Since when? Was it last year? Was it last semester? Or was it that I came in some unconscious mode that, of course, I would not be aware of. I came to CCH to see God.

It has long gone the day that I could enjoy this place. Now all of the people there, I do not know them nor they know me. I know their names, even some of their backgrounds. I thought that I knew them, exactly the way they thought about me. But in the end I am just a misfit. How many years have I been here? Four years long. Too long for any person to adapt with the place and the people. I didn’t. The winter is just as cold as the first year I came, even colder. And the people, the Americans, I was smart enough to be friendly and outgoing with them; and now I am smart enough to realize that we are simply different. My English is still not perfect, and my American knowledge is nowhere near a typical American’s. I still do not have a car to hang out with them, or money to go eat whenever they suggest. After so many days and months trying to adapt, only my heart has grown weary.

Yet I feel thankful to come here to have a chance to know God. The two summers that I came back to Vietnam show me how hard it is to keep my faith in such an unsupportive environment. I am here to grow my faith in Him. It has become the only reason why I still go to CCH. Knowing not the people, and even the songs are now strange and not appealing, I merely sit there on the chair, trying to get closer to God through many strangers around me and all the unstopping noises. I am isolated from the rest of the community by the sole nature of human being.

Those people, I am not like them at all. They have been Christians since birth, and because of that, their community is not for a young Christian like me. Their concerns, their discussions, and their problems are not mine and not what I am looking for. I do not belong to them. And since my girlfriend is already not with me on this, realizing my isolation from all the fellow Christians around me makes me feel desperate. This is the world of only me seeking God by myself, the world that I dance at a corner of my room without a partner.

I am a lone dancer.