Bluebellia

Mùa thu 2009. Đây là một khoảng thời gian khó khăn trong cuộc đời sinh viên của tôi. Trong rất nhiều lý do mà tôi có thể nghĩ ra mà trầm ngâm đến hết ngày, thì việc tôi không về Việt Nam đáng nói hơn cả. Đó là một bí mật mà tôi đã giấu kín, phải một thời gian dài sau mới dám chia sẻ cho mọi người. Không kể thì thôi, nếu kể thì cũng dài dòng lắm. Lúc ấy, tôi dã lên năm ba, cái khỏang thời gian mà mọi dự định đã phải được sắp đặt thật sớm: hè 2010 cố gắng được internship; xuân 2011 tốt nghiệp và đi làm. Vậy nghĩa là mùa đông 2009 là cơ hội tốt nhất/duy nhất để tôi có thể về Việt Nam. Thế rồi Hùng Cường bạn tôi nói rằng hắn sẽ về vào lúc ấy, và giá vé thì đang thật rẻ. Tôi lên mạng tìm, giá chỉ gần $900 (bằng ½ giá vé tôi mua để về hè 2009). Vừa ham giá rẻ, vừa quá nhớ cô người yêu đã một tháng không gặp, tôi mua luôn không chần chừ. Giờ nghĩ lại, tôi vẫn thấy đó là một quyết định đúng, và là một điều đáng mừng. Tôi đã tưởng tượng được trở về vui thế nào, gặp người yêu sẽ mừng ra ...

I counted to see how many people wrote on my Facebook Wall for my birthday, and there were 105. 105 messages. It was truly amazing, thank you very much. It’s interesting nonetheless, because if someone gives out a piece of paper and tells me to write 105 names of the people I know, I may not be able to do that. Facebook may as well be one of the most phenomenal products of modern technology. Thanks to Facebook, millions of people around the world realize that they have associated with about 400 people on average. Regarding such matter, even the loneliest dancer in the world dares not to claim his loneliness easily. Facebook tells me that I currently know at least 481 people – whom are called “friends” – the term “friend” has been overly abused to the point that we can pretty much give out an equation like this: A Stranger + A Name = A Friend But it doesn’t matter! I certainly am not too close-minded to deny a friendship, and even a friendship with some whom I have onl...

These days are my life-changing period. I just walked out from my very last class in my undergrad career (the finals don’t count); then three more days and I’ll become 21. No more classes, no longer being under-aged, how can I keep up with Life as I should? Right at this moment, I find every second passing by amazing. It is as if there really is something that I should be doing - something big, obvious, and significant. There very well be nothing as such, and it is just a feeling that would be haunting me terribly at certain times. Unreasonably, I feel unsecured, powerless, and lonely. Yet I have no one around, no one to be taken care of, no one to love. Even after all the things I have been through, why is it that I still am by myself mingling pitifully with Life like this? Why is there still nothing for me to lean on to when facing with crises and changes, so that I would be a bit at ease and encouraged? Why is it that I am not happy with all the accomplishments and still am sad...

The other day, I came to watch some of my friends performing in the play called The Birds, and it was really fun! So I decided to make another Origami collection; this time it’s about birds – small birds which (supposedly) are all nice and peaceful. Anyway, I love things that fly. Talking about Origami, I now find myself avoiding overly-complicated models each of which would take days to complete. Instead, I’d go for fairly simple ones which are fast to make and still look really nice. That’s why I like more and more the models of John Montroll: really efficient.   PART 08: THE LITTLE BIRD   CURLEW by Tom Defoirdt – I had no idea that a curlew was. I had fun time folding it nonetheless. EXTINCT BIRD by Nicolas Terry – Mr. Terry always creates unique models. This “bird” was the most challenging for me in this collection. GORRION SPARROW by Roman Diaz – What?! There are different types of sparrows? I never knew! HORNED OWL by Hideo Komatsu – The thin...

Would you not sometimes have to wonder what this world has turned into? When the basics of good turn debatable to so many people, would your heart not be sadden? I have recently watched The Invention of Lying , and I feel sad. It was a comedy but I felt great pain: it’s another anti-Christian movie. Here is the summary of The Invention of Lying : In a world that everyone tells the truth, Mark is an unfortunate man who gets fired, isolated, and kicked out of his apartment. But then he discovers the possibility of telling untrue things and manipulating people with his lies. He gets rich and successful. Many hopeless people when hearing him telling them positive things turn automatically happy and motivated. One day, he tells “lies” to his dying mother about “a life after death” (which sounds just like Heaven). Eventually, he comes up with an entire religion that many people blindly believe in and be corrupted. In the end, he tells the woman he loves how he has been lying and they th...

I have recently finished integrating my “Petra” blog to this one (which means I have brought my posts in that blog to this one and kept the dates). It was a time-consuming process and I was amazed. There were so many posts I had written in my “Petra” blog! It was the time when I maintained two blogs at once, and each for a different set of targeted readers; and I did that for nearly two years! Where did I get all the ideas, the enthusiasm, and the efforts? If there was any time for me to be amazed with myself then this was the time! (Too much for someone who is trying to be humble!) I also had an opportunity to read all the comments from my Petra people. Those were all great comments that I would forever treasure! Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring them over to this solitude blog. Alas, I missed the time when I could have more than 5 comments for one post! For so many months I have forgotten the great joy of blogging. Since I only expected my mother and my former girlfriend Arwe...

Now it's only me left using this blog. Maybe I should still keep it running like an old habit, or else I might just become another person. It's sad I know; this is like any other part of Life that I have to keep up and carry on. Maybe I should change the blog's title and the background. Then I will re-upload some of my posts in another long lost blog of mine for the next several weeks. What should I do afterward? I'll continue writing like before, but there will be some changes from now on: The contents will lean more on my personal thoughts of Life The language will essentially be in English I'll treat this blog as my closest friend, my life-long companion, a part of myself. And with all of that, I gladly share with anyone who passes my visit. DK

I came to my room and turned on Facebook. Here I felt something strange. So I typed in your name, and got into your page. Then I realized that we no longer were “friends” on Facebook. I was surprised, and I was hurt. Did I do something wrong again, girl? What was it that I could possibly do, since now we no longer were lovers? Just more than a week ago, our Facebooks were both saying that we were “in relationship.” Now we are not even “friends.” Now we are disconnected. I was surprised, you know, and I was hurt. You see, I just simply don’t get it. The day before we said goodbye, you texted me, “Please let me be beside you!” Then the very next day, you said nothing to me but harsh words. Where were the compassions? Where were the empathies? So we broke up. I knew I said it; it was not you but me who said it. But seriously, can’t you ever understand? I was forced to. As a man in our relationship, of course I would always be the one at fault, the one to be blamed at. But you k...

I am Vietnamese, and I live among Americans most of whom are either misunderstand or do not know my country and cultures. I am a Christian, and I live among people who go against my beliefs or focus on misdeeds of other Christians. Why don’t people get it, it’s all about trying to be a good person. And yes, I do believe that trying to be a good person is a good thing. I am a young Christian, and I live among Christian-from-birth or church-raised people who do not share my struggles. We do not share the same philosophies of environmental sustaining, of “who are to help”, among many others. They don’t see what I see, nor do I to theirs. I had a girlfriend, and last week we broke up. I could never have guessed, this Earth can also be as lonely as Heaven.

This page may be temporarily suspended. I no longer can write something for others to read. What occupies me I cannot share.Therefore, unless Arwen posts her new stuffs, there will be no more update until this life of mine turns better. This is Goodbye, then. Thank you for all of your supports until now. I gotta go and carry on with Life. My wholehearted apology. DK

Ông bà chủ của một sơn trang nọ có một cô con gái rất xinh xắn đang tuổi cặp kê. Vì một lý do gì đấy, có một đám người xông vào sơn trang, bỏ cô gái ấy vào kiệu rồi khiêng đi. Hai ông bà chủ và người hầu chạy theo kêu gào, van xin họ trả con gái mình lại mà không được. Bỗng từ đâu có một chàng trai to lớn xuất hiện, tấn công lũ cướp người kia làm tụi nó chạy toán loạn. Thấy con gái mình được cứu, hai vợ chồng già biết ơn chàng tráng sĩ vô hạn, mong được giữ chàng lại sơn trang một thời gian. Chàng trai vốn không bà con họ hàng nên cũng vui vẻ nhận lời. Tráng sĩ không chỉ cao lớn mà sức khỏe cũng hơn người. Bó củi chàng vác trên lưng to bằng 10 lần của người ta, và một bao gạo lớn mà người khác phải vác ì ạch thì chàng mang một lần cả sáu bao nhẹ bưng. Chàng chăm chỉ làm việc và lúc nào cũng cười ha hả, chỉ mỗi tội khi ăn thì ăn rất nhiều, gấp mấy lần người khác. “Ăn nhiều thì làm nhiều mà!” - bà chủ những lúc ấy lại nói khẽ với ông chủ như thế. Thế rồi chẳng bao lâu sau họ quyết địn...

Anything which humans have ever achieved, I believe, comes from a dream. Dreams can really be found in almost any place under various forms. To a child, it’s the state of ableness; to an athlete, it’s a passion; to a leader, it’s a vision; to any normal person, it can be any sort of future expectation, the goodness that lies await in the unknown. That’s why when Dr. Martin Luther King was well aware of its true name – a dream, his speech about his dream became everlasting. I am a normal person, someone who has seen his dreams busted over and over and over during the course of growing toward maturity. Talking about dreams, we’d think of America (“American dream”). Ironically, I have been in America since I was 16 until now when I am nearly being able to buy alcohol legally, and these are the years for someone to develop his/her individuality to its highest. The period of being in America is the period of me witnessing my dreams leaving me at a ridiculous level. I came to Montana, a...

I happened to watched The Prince and Me this summer. It wasn’t a very popular so it was hard to find. Fortunately, I saw it at the school’s library, so I checked it out immediately. I looked at the movie case, and I knew that this was some kind of movie that I wouldn’t watch – wouldn’t, if it was not because my girlfriend told me that the main character’s somewhat similar to her. So now I found myself watching the movie, trying to note the similarities I could find, besides trying to enjoy it, of course. Here are my notes: 00:01:40 – She’s ugly. She’s like my girlfriend? Really? Even her personality, I can’t see any similarity. Yet. 00:03:11 – Did she just say “bloody”?! Well, I hope she’s not like my girlfriend. 00:04:14 – Now I realize who she is. The girl in American Pie 4 . 00:06:39 – I have a pretty good picture of her now. A good person with a very unlikable personality. 00:07:26 – She didn’t even come out to catch the bride’s flowers? How dry. ...

This is another Origami collection (oh yeah). It’s been a long time since the last one, so I bet you’re pretty excited. This time, however, is about cats. And for those who don’t know me well enough, I dislike cats. Well, I love Doraemon, Tom, and Garfield, but maybe they’re it! I cannot really tell why I’ve chosen to fold cats this time. Maybe I should learn to do what I don’t enjoy also, for better or worse. During the time I was working with Origami cats, I have lost my interest in them even further. Looking for good diagrams was as hard as scratching my back, and folding them was also an uneasy task. To be honest, about half of what I folded this time do not look like cats to me. This concludes my ramblings. Let us look at them, shall we? PART 07: CATS CAT by Seiji Nishikawa – Simple and nice. It’s a cat by the way. CAT by Dave Brill – Very challenging you can tell. He looks like a tiger to me, but he really is a cat! TUBBY CAT by Kimura Yoshihisa – My ...

--> In the beginning of the semester, the goals I wrote on my homepage were getting an A, making new friends, and having good time. I don’t know about my grade yet, but my other two goals have been fulfilled. Now looking back the road we have walked, I start to feel a bit nostalgic. On the second class meeting, right after Dr. Yue told us to form teams, I came to Lee Schmitz to ask him whether he wanted to be my teammate. He said yes, and Jennie Levine also joined in with us. We became the members of Team Four, and our journey began. Three was a small number for a team, and each of us felt that having a clear leader was not a necessary thing. Because of that, throughout the semester, we shared to workload together in a voluntary manner. This method required a very good attitude and responsibility of each team member, and fortunately we all had those. We would meet each other outside the class if we needed to, and showed up being prepared. As the only non-American member ...

Trên báo chí, truyền hình này nọ luôn có những tấm gương “vượt khó”, “vươn lên từ những cảnh đời” các thể loại. Tất cả những câu chuyện đời họ đều là “Cha mẹ chia rẽ”, “mồ côi từ bé”, “nhà đông anh em” … Đồng ý là khi xuất than từ gia đình nghèo thì sẽ có nhiều khó khăn, đồng ý là nếu hoàn cảnh éo le túng quẫn thì cần nhiều cố gắng, nhưng đâu phải chỉ những người như họ thì mới đáng được cho là đang “vượt khó”? Sẽ là một sự nhầm lẫn lớn lao nếu cho rằng đi du học là sung sướng. Không phải nếu nhà không thiếu tiền, hay không có hoàn cảnh gì đặc biệt, thì con đường từ giường tới nhà vệ sinh sẽ trải đầy nhung lụa. Gia đình càng có điều kiện vật chất và tinh thần, thì cơ hội giao tiếp với kiến thức và tư tưởng càng cao và đa dạng hơn, dẫn đến một hệ quả tất yếu là sự cao hơn về mức độ kỳ vọng. Nói một cách đơn giản hơn, những đứa trẻ sinh ra từ gia đình có điều kiện khi lớn lên sẽ phải đặt mục tiêu cao hơn những đứa trẻ mà gia đình gặp nhiều thiếu thốn. Cho nên khi đã đi du học thì mỗi...

Những chuỗi ngày hoang vắng Mang ta đến nơi đây Chen lấn Đẩy xô “Lô nhô loài người” Lọt thõm giữa bao làn lãng quên Lại một lần nữa Vì em Mà ta chợt nhớ đến một tình yêu diệu kì. Ta nhớ bàn tay ấy Mỏng manh, trong suốt Nhớ những đón đưa Dưới những làn mưa gột rửa hai tâm hồn Và nhớ những nụ hôn Hòa tan Cùng nắng chiều lưu luyến. Thế là lại đến gần nhau Lại cần tay Và ngóng chờ nhau từng ngày… Rồi ban mai lại trôi qua Và lòng ta Vì sao thầm lặng quá! --------------------------------------------- Author’s note: “Lô nhô loài người” là cụm từ trong bài hát Vẫn nhớ cuộc đời. Cố nhạc sĩ Trịnh Công Sơn mới có thể nghĩ ra những từ ngữ lạ lùng đến thế. Dù chẳng liên quan gì, nhưng bài thơ này được viết sau khi tôi tình cờ nghe bài hát ấy trên Youtube. Có lẽ vì thế mà trong đầu lúc ấy luôn nghĩ: phải đưa cụm từ ấy vào bằng được. : )

“Change your thoughts and change your world.” – Norman Vincent Peale This summer I am taking ICAP, one of the last courses of my college life. This Organizational Policy and Strategy class will make this month of July very challenging for me. The students here are all seniors (we have to, in order to sign up for this class), and we study various business majors such as CIS (Computer Info System) or Marketing. This ICAP class is therefore a very diversified class. Last week, Dr. Yue, our professor, told us to discuss about our experiences in UCM, what we had learned, what we loved and hated. I myself had a very good experience. I was taught so many things that I was always thankful for, and I had also made all kinds of relationships with many people. Zahra, the girl whom I was discussing with, also had a good time with the school. She gladly told me her story in which one professor was very helpful to her. It turned out that, however, UCM didn’t give everyone the same experience. ...

What have we ignored in our love? One day that I started realize The image I’ve been dreaming of Turned out that, you’re not that alike. So there’s a concern that I can’t stop: “Do we still love, or it’s no more? “If there’s no dream, if there’s no hope, “Bless her, O Lord!” – I desperately implored. Tired, despaired: that’s all we have That’s no true life, true love, I’d say Like the sea with all its storms and waves So hard to keep, so tough to stay! Then, at last, I turned to give up And, alas, you did not let go Maybe for me there’s still some hope And maybe, girl, it has to be you.

Right here in front of me The way you stand How you smile right now Will I be able to see them again? That I do not know. Because when time flees My heart and your memories Both will be broken. And I will pretend That we never were that good of friends. Turning on my cell phone I’ll see your numbers Which would never call me again Nor would response if I ever send a text. Only pains would remain And who know what will be next. So I’ll delete your numbers And I will pretend They were never there – ever. I will walk by your rooms And see the same doors At the same locations But there’ll be no more The posters of the environment. And if I ever knock Strangers would come out And I will pretend That I am not shocked And not want to shout Anything out loud. Everything is done Everyone has left But I’m not alone Carrying on A whole new step. --> Like that, I will pretend Till the day I reach my end....