I Thought I Had Gone a Long Way

 

These days are my life-changing period. I just walked out from my very last class in my undergrad career (the finals don’t count); then three more days and I’ll become 21. No more classes, no longer being under-aged, how can I keep up with Life as I should?

Right at this moment, I find every second passing by amazing. It is as if there really is something that I should be doing - something big, obvious, and significant. There very well be nothing as such, and it is just a feeling that would be haunting me terribly at certain times. Unreasonably, I feel unsecured, powerless, and lonely. Yet I have no one around, no one to be taken care of, no one to love. Even after all the things I have been through, why is it that I still am by myself mingling pitifully with Life like this? Why is there still nothing for me to lean on to when facing with crises and changes, so that I would be a bit at ease and encouraged? Why is it that I am not happy with all the accomplishments and still am sad when being ignored and hated? And I thought I had gone a long way.

Maybe after all of this time, there really is nothing here in Warrensburg for me and I really should go. Maybe the greater things in Life are yet to come, and I am yet to learn that this world is indeed a good place. Maybe the future holds only unexpected events yet I am at this moment to do nothing but speculate. And maybe I should pray, for it is the one thing for Christians to do at the end as well as at the start. But, it’s just like how a fulfilled person seeking God is wonderful: praying for Him when I have nothing else to do is sad.

Will I possibly become a better person one day...?

 

----------------------------------

Related topics:

Tôi 20 - 2009 birthday post (Vietnamese)

...And then, I changed - 2007 birthday post

Origami Extreme - Part 08!!!

The other day, I came to watch some of my friends performing in the play called The Birds, and it was really fun! So I decided to make another Origami collection; this time it’s about birds – small birds which (supposedly) are all nice and peaceful. Anyway, I love things that fly.

Talking about Origami, I now find myself avoiding overly-complicated models each of which would take days to complete. Instead, I’d go for fairly simple ones which are fast to make and still look really nice. That’s why I like more and more the models of John Montroll: really efficient. 

PART 08: THE LITTLE BIRD 

CURLEW by Tom Defoirdt – I had no idea that a curlew was. I had fun time folding it nonetheless.

EXTINCT BIRD by Nicolas Terry – Mr. Terry always creates unique models. This “bird” was the most challenging for me in this collection.

GORRION SPARROW by Roman Diaz – What?! There are different types of sparrows? I never knew!

HORNED OWL by Hideo Komatsu – The thingy underneath the owl was from another square.

HUMMING BIRD by Peter Engel – A tiny little bird! Actually this Origami version has the size of my wrist.

NIPPONIA NIPPON by Sakasegawa Takashi – Strange birds! Long names! Long author’s name, too! Weird!

PELICAN by John Montroll – I have always been interested in pelicans. They look so happy for some reason.

PENGUIN by Marc Kirschenbaum – I was quite satisfied with the result of this. Definitely my favorite.

SCARLET MACAW by Ashimura Shunichi – A simple parrot is sitting on my glass! Call 911!

SWAN by Manuel Sirgo – Swans are beautiful. I am happy with this one a lot.

So yeah, that’s it for now. I hope you’d enjoy these birds. Thank you!
----------------------------------------------

Related Topics:

Origami Extreme!!! – Dinosaurs
Origami Extreme – Part 02!!! – Convention
Origami Extreme – Part 03!!! - Dragons
Origami Extreme - Part 04 !!! - The Winged World
Origami Extreme - Part 05 !!! - People of Humanity
Origami Extreme - Part 06 !!! - Dogs
Origami Extreme - Part 07!!! - Cats

Dark and Cold

Would you not sometimes have to wonder what this world has turned into? When the basics of good turn debatable to so many people, would your heart not be sadden? I have recently watched The Invention of Lying, and I feel sad. It was a comedy but I felt great pain: it’s another anti-Christian movie.

Here is the summary of The Invention of Lying: In a world that everyone tells the truth, Mark is an unfortunate man who gets fired, isolated, and kicked out of his apartment. But then he discovers the possibility of telling untrue things and manipulating people with his lies. He gets rich and successful. Many hopeless people when hearing him telling them positive things turn automatically happy and motivated. One day, he tells “lies” to his dying mother about “a life after death” (which sounds just like Heaven). Eventually, he comes up with an entire religion that many people blindly believe in and be corrupted. In the end, he tells the woman he loves how he has been lying and they then get married. 

What now? After defying so many good things in Life, are we now to be convinced that telling lies is good and telling the truth is bad? To make things even worse, the movie ties lies to the words of Moses and further – the words of Jesus. How foolishly clever you are, Hollywood, for now you can tell millions of people that either Christianity is bad or the Christian beliefs are all lies! 

Mark the liar, when more and more people wanted to hear about the life after death, wrote stuffs down on a piece of paper. Then he decided to make what he wrote look better by… writing them on two Domino pizza boxes (that would remind you of Moses’ two tablets.) Then he came out before the world and told people about his made-up religion which was irrational, flawed, but deliberately similar to Christian beliefs. Whoever hates God would really enjoy watching many people cursing and blaming about “the man in the sky” – as Mark portrayed.

Later on in the movie, when his love was not reciprocated, Mark sank in his depression for days. When he reappeared, his hair was long and – to my amazement – he looked like the image of Jesus. The savior of mankind was now equalized to one miserable liar. Just exactly how many more years will our Lord be hated and humiliated? 

The Lord, His words, and His followers’ beliefs have been ridiculed in a quite despicable manner, and it’s amazing how many Americans can just simply laugh it off. “In God we trust,” the people say; they may as well continue with “and at God we laugh.” 

I turn and look through the windows: the sky is pitch black and the air is freezing. It is as if this world is getting only darker and colder. It is as if at this very moment countless of people are laughing and shouting like this: “Hey God, thanks for the good Thanksgiving break with all the good food and shelter, now back off and let us make fun of you!”

Related topic(s):
Dark and Cold
A.R.K.

Update on 11-15-2010

I have recently finished integrating my “Petra” blog to this one (which means I have brought my posts in that blog to this one and kept the dates). It was a time-consuming process and I was amazed.

There were so many posts I had written in my “Petra” blog! It was the time when I maintained two blogs at once, and each for a different set of targeted readers; and I did that for nearly two years! Where did I get all the ideas, the enthusiasm, and the efforts? If there was any time for me to be amazed with myself then this was the time! (Too much for someone who is trying to be humble!)

I also had an opportunity to read all the comments from my Petra people. Those were all great comments that I would forever treasure! Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring them over to this solitude blog. Alas, I missed the time when I could have more than 5 comments for one post!

For so many months I have forgotten the great joy of blogging. Since I only expected my mother and my former girlfriend Arwen to read my blog, what I wrote was something quite different: not necessarily worse, but much less worth-mentioning. And of course, Life has changed; therefore, I have, also. Now it is the time for me to revive my old enthusiasm and go forth. Blogging will now once again be a priority to me – and to impress the “future me” is exciting, too!

A new start

Now it's only me left using this blog. Maybe I should still keep it running like an old habit, or else I might just become another person. It's sad I know; this is like any other part of Life that I have to keep up and carry on.

Maybe I should change the blog's title and the background. Then I will re-upload some of my posts in another long lost blog of mine for the next several weeks. What should I do afterward? I'll continue writing like before, but there will be some changes from now on:

• The contents will lean more on my personal thoughts of Life
• The language will essentially be in English

I'll treat this blog as my closest friend, my life-long companion, a part of myself. And with all of that, I gladly share with anyone who passes my visit.

DK

Disconnected

I came to my room and turned on Facebook. Here I felt something strange. So I typed in your name, and got into your page. Then I realized that we no longer were “friends” on Facebook. I was surprised, and I was hurt.

Did I do something wrong again, girl? What was it that I could possibly do, since now we no longer were lovers? Just more than a week ago, our Facebooks were both saying that we were “in relationship.” Now we are not even “friends.” Now we are disconnected. I was surprised, you know, and I was hurt.

You see, I just simply don’t get it. The day before we said goodbye, you texted me, “Please let me be beside you!” Then the very next day, you said nothing to me but harsh words. Where were the compassions? Where were the empathies? So we broke up. I knew I said it; it was not you but me who said it. But seriously, can’t you ever understand? I was forced to. As a man in our relationship, of course I would always be the one at fault, the one to be blamed at. But you know, I never would say goodbye to you on my own. Things went by fast; I was surprised, and oh my, I was hurt.

Then you said you wanted us to be friends. Let’s be friends, then. The next thing I knew, you disconnected me from your Facebook. This is bitterly humorous.

What have I ever wronged you?

I think you are still young, and way too childish. I think you don’t really know what you are or what you want. Will you one day finally be mature and realize that most of the time I was actually right? That in this entire world, I was possibly the person who loved you the most? But when that day comes, it may be already too late.

Ironically, you will not able to read this. Before, you would visit this page through your account, since you were the co-author. Now you can’t get in, simply because you don’t know the address. The address has always been the same and everyone can get in, you just did not care to notice. As a girlfriend, you took everything I offered as granted and no longer realized that I loved you too, and I cared about you, too. My explanations and my apologies could no longer reach you, and I would stay behind being desperate. I wonder, you were not the first one who left me, why did I still feel so surprised and so hurt?

I really did love you more than you did to me, don’t you think?

May God protect you, girl.

My Irony

I am Vietnamese, and I live among Americans most of whom are either misunderstand or do not know my country and cultures.

I am a Christian, and I live among people who go against my beliefs or focus on misdeeds of other Christians. Why don’t people get it, it’s all about trying to be a good person. And yes, I do believe that trying to be a good person is a good thing.
I am a young Christian, and I live among Christian-from-birth or church-raised people who do not share my struggles. We do not share the same philosophies of environmental sustaining, of “who are to help”, among many others. They don’t see what I see, nor do I to theirs.
I had a girlfriend, and last week we broke up.
I could never have guessed, this Earth can also be as lonely as Heaven.