The Old Folks of Mine

Today is September 14th. So it’s been exactly ten years since the day my grand-mother died. Until now I can still remember pretty clearly that day. My family rushed to Hanoi to see her. She was lying there on her bed, while my Mom and her sister-in-law cried so hard beside her. I cried too. As a seven-year-old kid, I didn’t believe that she was dead. I hoped that she would wake up again, smile with me tenderly and kiss me on my forehead. But she never wakes up again, though I kept waiting. The mother of my father left me since then, forever.

And I think about my grand-father. It’s ten years that he lived alone. It would be really, really sad and lonely. Not any more Grandma for him to talk with, to take care and to be taken care. Sorry Grandpa! I am a bad grandson that had not visited you for years until last summer. And you didn’t complain anything. You smiled and told me to study hard as uncle Ho said.

And I think about my grand parents – my Mom’s parents. My family used to live with them, and my entire childhood would just be with them. There were days that my grandma stood for hours with me, to help her little grandson finish his meal. There were months that I got stuck with my grandpa’s math exercises, got stuck with his love. And there were more…

Later then, we didn’t live with my grandparents anymore. Every time I came to visit them, they seemed so happy. And I wasn’t that happy. I felt a little tired when listening to grandpa’s old stories, or his advises. I even felt really sad when my grandma touched my face, and complained how ugly am I. T_T Well, that’s all what I have, grandma.

And now I am here for college, leaving the three of them at the far home. I could feel how sad they were when I was gonna leave. I now can feel how much they miss me. They love me a lot. And I never love them that much.

“I am sorry. Four years is a long time, I know. I don’t know if I can see any of you again. Please keep your health carefully and drink a lot of water as I said. Please don’t be worried. I am fine!”

Time just passes by, and people just die,

Families hook up, and they all cry…

StarCraft - Forever more...

During these years, game market has been increased surprisingly. Many new games appear, while many others were just simply kicked out. And it affects the society of gamers significantly. People rush to find kooler, more exciting one. Living among this situation, can we possibly find an-everlasting-game for ourselves? Yes. For me, it’s not anything else but StarCraft.

How long for a good game to survive? Can people play a game in years –still interestedly? But it was suprising, when I think about StarCraft. The first time I saw the game, I was only six or seven (so it should be about 10 years ago!). I came over to Duc’s house, and he was playing it. At that time, computer wasn’t even popular. And StarCraft was there, how incredible!

But I hadn’t involved in the game much, until I got my first computer when I was in grade sixth – it’s in 2000 -7 years ago. I was interested so much, that I played it in all my free time! I was n’t good at typing, but I was so good at …typing StarCraft cheat codes. Now I still remember them clearly, though haven’t used them for a long time.

It was so kool when I met one of my classmate – Long. He was so crazy of playing the game, and we therefore stucked to each other. For my whole life studying in Tran Dai Nghia school, maybe I remember most about our “campaign”- rush for spots. In every afternoon, when the bell rang to finish the school, we –including Long, Lam, Khoi,… and me – ran our best to the game store (or whatever you call it). It was incredible! The entire TDN’s junior hight school-boys rushed to the computers – which were only about 30 spots! How happy we were when we all could sit down and play together after all. And, we played StarCraft while people around us shooting each other (in Counter Strike game).:D

There are three teams in StarCraft that they call “races”. Terran with its human army, high tech-weapons and vehicles. Zerg, my favorite at that time, has various kinds of …gross monster. (It was really fast and strategic, though) The last one is Protoss, the mysterious clan of alien with kool auras. The three races are equally powerful, and it was totally based on the gamer to win or lose.

But it was 10 years from now. People are attracted by series of online-game, and StarCraft seems to be forgotten. But it is not. Still, there are bunch of people play the game with each other, even online with a suprising number. StarCraft was still played in the latest WCG. And, it now becomes even much more awesome when Blizzard declared that “StarCraft II is coming”!!!

The last thing I want to say, I love so many things. And I love StarCraft also.

A2 PN-Cấp 3 xa vời

Cuộc đời của mỗi người dài cả mấy chục năm, nhưng có những giai đọan chỉ vài năm thôi, đã trở thành bước ngoặt. Ba năm cấp 3 vừa qua chính là một khỏang thời gian “để đời” như vậy.

Lớp chúng ta đã gặp nhau như là 1 sự …hài hước của Thượng Đế. Lớp A2 là 1 tổ hợp của những người “vui tính” đến trình độ tối cao đáng sợ. :) Chúng ta đã quen nhau lâu ra sao, chơi vui thế nào, học cực làm sao… DK không cần đề cập đến. Chúng ta đều hiểu rõ và sẽ nhớ kĩ.

Nói ra thì, 1 người “xàm vô đối” như DK cũng được các bạn …”chứa chấp” cũng là điều may mắn. Thầy Hoan cũng thật là tuyệt vời khi sống sót sau 3 năm dung túng bốn mươi mấy phần tử xấu của xã hội. :)) (đọc đến đây mà bạn nào quá tức giận thì cũng đừng nên …tức giận quá nữa ^^) Thế là lần đầu tiên trong suốt 10 năm học, DK đã tự nhủ “hôm nay mình được đi học!” o.0 Chuyện cứ như đùa, phải không?

Trình độ “quởn” của DK vốn đã rất cao đã trở nên …rất rất cao (!), khi tiếp xúc với DW (Trường Giang), DO (Quốc Thảo) và DD(Nhật Anh –đúng hông ta? Quên tên thằng này rồi ^^). 4 thằng “chụm” lại mà nên DF- thiên hạ đệ nhất nhảm nhí Guild ^^. Được 1 thời gian thì kick thằng DD mà thêm vào bạn DN (P. Anh Tuấn …đẹp dzai). DF cũng đã tham gia thi đá cầu, làm thiệp, chạy… Đã rất cố gắng dù chẳng được quà cáp gì (nói đến cái này là sôi máu koo Đức Anh=.=’) nhưng “xôm là chính”. Nghĩ lại cũng là do …khoái lớp mình quá, muốn làm 1 cái gì đó… Mọi người nghĩ sao cũng được.

Vậy mà DK-vì duyên số- đã phải out đi chỗ khác, không thể tiếp tục “đú với nhau” cùng các bạn. 1 năm xa mọi người cũng là khi các bạn đang è nhau mà học – lớp 12 mà, phải không? Chỉ đơn giản là “1 năm” thôi, nhưng sao nhiều cái xảy ra quá! Ngồi 1 mình ở bàn học mà nghĩ không biết cô dạy Văn “ghê” là ghê thế nào; các bạn đi Đà Lạt sao vui quá mà không có mình …

Trở về, thấy các bạn đang đương đầu với kì thi ĐH mà cũng lo lây. Đến khi thi xong, tưởng vui lại buồn hơn. Mọi người bắt đầu tan rã… Ngạc nhiên nhất là bạn Quỳnh chẳng hiểu vì cớ gì mà lại ghét DK vô tận… Nhìn cái áo lớp mà thấy tên mình mãi phía dưới, ngay vị trí “bỏ áo trong quần” – thấy buồn buồn mà tếu tếu…

Bây giờ nhiều bạn bắt đầu ngồi nghĩ lại và tiêc nuối. Chắc có cả khóc nữa. Ngồi đọc những dòng blog đó mà buồn cho chính mình. Chẳng phải mình là người nuối tiếc không nguôi những điều thế này 1 năm trước sao? – thế mà vẫn phải gắng chịu 1 mình sao? Nói ra thì, DK sẽ không bao giờ có thể hiểu được năm 12 các bạn đã học cực khổ thế nào, cũng như chơi vui ra sao… Bỏ qua chuyện “đi được là sướng rồi còn nói gì nữa”, thì chẳng phải là DK đã BỎ LỠ quá nhiều thứ - lớp 12 đáng nhớ mà các bạn đang tiếc đó- sao?

Buồn và tiếc đến đau lòng. DK sẽ lại rất nhớ mọi người. Mong các bạn luôn vui vẻ và hạnh phúc.

Love you all…

Pretty girls - everywhere...

I used to believe in true love. Pretty girls wouldn’t attract me so easily, as I believed – they were everywhere. With the deep pain I already had, who would be able to make me pay attention at?
But then you came, along with new thoughts, new pain…
I saw you in a break-dancing class, and I was surprised. You were so pretty. Your clothes were stylish, and one of your ears had three earrings!
I tried not to care about you. I knew that I would never be able to have a “chance”. You were not really special anyway. Pretty girls were everywhere.
So I didn’t even look at you, but focused in …showing some kids how to do windmill. And you, didn’t care about anything but practicing your moves. You were staying alone, talking to no one. How serious you were! You were not just “cool” but “cold”!
And so, the time passed by. Nothing happened… until yesterday…
None of my little students wanted to practice hollow-back. So once again, I looked at you. You were still …”you”, standing separately from the others. I didn’t know how, but the more serious you were, the more attractive you became! You seemed to be a gorgeous angel shining everything around you. And I was attracted.
I should never ever involve any more, but you were practicing “1st wave”- my best move! And so, yeah, I didn’t understand why, but I started helping you with it.
I was so surprised and even happy when you listened to me, and followed my advices leisurely. The air was easier for me to breath, to look at your face straightly. It was still very beautiful as usual…I smiled, and told you that you did the wave like a robot. Never tell me anything, but at last you smiled back.
You just smiled, and the spring appeared, immediately. At the same time, I felt distinctively happiness, luckiness, and a new hope. Also at that time, I felt sadness, hopelessness, and a pity. All of the various feelings combined together, spread allover my body and exploded. I spiritually collapsed.
I have wasted a lot of time, and I can see you only tomorrow, once and for all. Don’t know what I should do, what I should say. Don’t even have a hope. You will just pass through me as many others. But no one knows, it will be the first time I saw the clearest Dark Elf, an ideal image that DK has been finding, and will keep finding forever.
Who cares about me – a popper?
That’s fine. “Kool girls are everywhere”, right?
Dang it!

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This post started a long list about Orchid, one of the girls came to my life. Please bare with it.

My struggle

I was born in late 20th century, the period that the many historical things had already happened. The war in my country, Vietnam War, was gone years before. Now it's just standing by World War II and others in the gloomy past. How am I supposed to know, to understand all of these?
In Vietnam, I've been taught for years how they happened. I learnt that to destroy the Nazism, the Red Army (Russian) had to fight for many place. Millions of them were killed by the enemies. What they did was much greater than the rest of Allies, and they actually saved the world. V. I. Lenin and Joseph Stalin were great communist leaders.
About my country, I've leant that when the French colonist invaded, many people tried to protect Vietnam but unsuccessfully. And our hero, Ho Chi Minh, appeared. He decided to travel to other countries, to find the right way to protect the country. He alone went to many countries, doing many hard and dangerous jobs to live, as he didn't have any thing. At last, he got the Communist document. Finding it was what he had been searching, he was crying happily.
With his return, Vietnam started connecting with many other Communist countries. With new theories, and friends' help (especially Russia), we succeeded in protecting our country from France, and later, America. Communism and Russia became something so worthy for me. They united weak countries, that we could protect our countries, and duel with others equally.
I came to the US as an exchange student. And, I faced with American history. I started to learn how unbiblical, bloody and terrible the Communism was. I learnt that Stalin was a demon who killed millions of his own people in World War II. And, of course, America was the one who saved the world. Isn't it painful, when you have to write papers saying terrible things about people whom you used to believe as the great heroes? Someone may say: "well, why don't you just write what you really want, and then prove it?" Of course. But dueling with something didn't happen at your time, and books are contradictorily different, is there anything reliable enough for you to prove with?
I will be taught about Vietnam War, again, but americanly. I know my American history teacher will once again smile innocently, and teach us what he was taught, and what read in his books. I will learn how wicked my country was, and how graceful the American was, to come and rescue Vietnam from Communism. And, I will have to write papers with these ideas. I'll have to throw away my belief, my patriotism, in order to have some grades. What is fair? Where is the morality? What kind of jerk will I be? Oh, how painful it will be!
Never can really know what actually happened, nothing can help. Only the pain grows bigger, searching for the cure.

Human Future

We are now staying here, working, earning money. The age of cavemen, in which people working for only food has gone so far. We now need something more. It's entertainment. We need games, we need fashion, we need movies, and much more. For a long time ago, people have been having art. Many kinds of art. And emotions. They make our lives become so colorful, so wonderful, so beautiful, so awesome. But are these pleasurable things everlasting?
I have watched some movies based on some graphic novels illustrated by the Wachowski Brothers, The Matrix Trilogy and V for Vendetta. These movies don't talk directly about future, but not about present, neither. And for me, they are all about future, a future that children born in machines or tubes, and grow up in struggle lives as in the army in wars. What they eat, what they wear are not important. There is no activity but training, fighting, navigating, destroying or being killed. These ideas are familiar to The Terminator, in which humans have to duel with machines, what they created. In these pictures, love and friendship… are treaded. People have to fight for their survivals, day by day. What kind of lives is it? The kind which is even worse than the ancient lives of cavemen! Watching these movies, we could see hazily the emotionless picture of human future, in which people become machines, or even worse, become slaves for machines. There will be no happiness, no love, nothing. Is that the destination, which we are trying, day by day, to have? You know the answer.
It sounds crazy when my discussion is on the evidences of some movies. But based on Picasso, one of the most famous artists in human history, "Art is a lie that makes us realize truth". And I feel what I just said above is not absolutely unreasonable. It could be the truth, the terrible truth that the humanity may unfortunately receive.
So, what is my purpose? Am I trying to tell everyone to entertain more? No. I absolutely don't think so. It's not necessary to have a good conclusion for every discussion, and this is just one personal thought of mine. But the outlook of human future scares me, disappoints me. Our younger generations do not deserve to have it! God bless us!

My sweet girl, it’s for you…

One day…

You appeared in my school. You were a cute girl, I thought.

Your name was so strange and difficult for me to remember, but I could remember it at last.
You seated in front of me in our Literature class. I saw you everyday, saw your smiles, and smiled with you.

You were the kind one, who cares about everyone.

You recognized our backpacks had the same color- red.

As a fate, God's Providence or whatever, we were in same school-team, house Pendragon. One day, I tried to do some cheating for our team's point with you, and you refused. At that time, I knew you were a good girl.

I didn't know why, but I drew your face in my common place book, and you saw it. I didn't know if you recognized something or not.

I tried to do something for Pendragon, one reason was you.

I started to break-dance everyday, with the hope I would show you one day.

House competition, everyone tried hard for Pendragon, I tried hard because of you. We won. You said: "Good job!" , and I was so happy. Thank you. You did good job too.

You asked me about my birthday, I did not say. I decided to tell you on that day. I wanted to know yours too. You did not answer.

We were both foreigners. I invited you to go to international dinner. You were so busy to go, you answered.

History project. I tried to help you with some generals' character studies. You said "thank you, you are so smart." I felt happy. Thank you.

You accepted to go to the next international dinner. I was so excited.

I heard from teachers we would have dance-time in that school year. I would ask you to dance, I thought.

I wrote something in the back of your notebook, hopefully you could see it some day.

One day…

After school, you said "I like your coat". I smiled and got home, knew nothing would happen.
The next day, you disappeared, suddenly, without any reason.

Your locker was still there. Your stuffs were still there, as if waiting for you.

They said you moved to other place. But it was not true.

My mother- the school secretary- just said you had something she did not want to tell.
And so I knew nothing. Could not know anything.

I just knew you would never go to the international dinner.

You would never see my writing behind your notebook.

You would never dance with me, even refuse me.

You would never see my break-dance show, if I had one.

You would never tell me your birthday, nor know my birthday, which is today.

You would never return. Never.

Today…

I still here, hoping you'd come back. I try to do something but I can't.

I miss you.

Tomorrow…

I'll forget you, and love someone soon.

You'll never know there is a me like that.

Your stuff'll be here until someone moves them, away with my story about you.

Good bye, my sweet girl!