Saturday, May 2, 2009

I've lost a girl again

I’ve lost a girl again. I knew it when I woke up and found myself alone in the room. I couldn’t help but thought, “Damn, not again!” She’s gone for good. I couldn’t do anything. I was deeply sad. I missed her a lot.
I saw her while walking on the street with my backpack like a college student (I am not sure what I was at that time, maybe highschooler). I looked at her and she looked at me back. Good thing I was smiling. Now I can’t remember her face. I know she looked Asian, and her short dark hair was so adorable.

She was on the train with me (why the train, I don’t know. It might be a huge bus with a lot of people). She came to me and asked how I spelled my name. I told her while she wrote it down, her handwriting was pretty neat. I saw that and suddenly realized that I had met her before and knew her name. It sounded Japanese I don’t know why. I also remembered distinctively that I had written down somewhere on my note something like this:

Ts…, I wonder how gorgeous you will be when you grow up like a blossomed flower

“Ts-some-thing” was her name and that’s all I can remember now. My memories are fading really quickly, I need to type faster.

After a while she came back to her sit at the other end of this huge truck/bus thing. Next to her was a gigantic old man just sat there unenergetically. As soon as I wondered who he was, Dang – a Vietnamese guy I knew and know – jumped from that old man to before me, saying, “That’s her grandpa”. So it was her grandfather, who was constantly coughing. She was taking care of him, sometimes looked at me passionately. I know that I felt peacefully happy; I don’t know why I didn’t just come there to her.

What happened next, I can’t remember. Even my emotions for her are leaving me mercilessly. Why did you leave me, girl? Why did you appear only to vanish forever? I would come to you, you know, with all my might and my strength, only so that you’d stay with me a bit longer.

But the alarm clock rang, and I knew it was only a dream. Nothing had ever happened; there never was the huge train/bus thing, or the huge man at the other end coughing. There was no her, no “Tsu-some-thing”.

She is gone for good. I can’t do anything. I am deeply sad. I miss her a lot.

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