Monday, July 15, 2013

I Am Bored

It’s nearly midnight right now and I feel bored. I don’t want to do any work; I don’t want to play any game or watch any movie. I don’t even feel like going to bed. What I am to do?

It is by no means that I am running low on tasks. Tasks are always there hanging. They keep urging you to prolong this Life and make it perfect. Yet in the midst of all the to-do’s, occasionally I’d feel terribly bored – like right now at this moment.

I feel so bored, as if all the motivations and meanings in Life have finally decided to leave me for good, so that I would be lonely and sad. There you have it: I am so lonely and am so sad. I feel hollow and vain like a make-believe fortune cookie, or like a teenager yearning for love and care of a parent. I have been without a family for so long, have been wandering to the point of not having a place to claim my own. Sure, someday I’ll settle down somewhere and call it home. But isn't it extremely painful to have to create it yourself because you have none? I am so tired, and I am bored of being tired.

I have stopped blogging for so long it scares me to come back. This blog is a part of who I am, a humble way for me to serve God, and a place I can take refuge. Maybe that’s why I am complaining: it does feel like home when you can stop caring and start whining and no one will judge.

I am back.

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